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Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Why Lie I Need A Drink Premier
I DONE MADE ME A MOVIE!
Click Here to Buy Tickets from Tickets.com
Or buy advance from The crest and pay no service fee. Call 44-CREST
Tickets are $2 more if purchased day of.
www.WhyLieINeedADrink.com
We've all heard the urban legend of the panhandler hopping in his nice car and making his way to a comfortable home after a day of begging on the freeway off-ramp. Sacramento comedian Keith Lowell Jensen decided to find out just how hard it really is to make money holding up a cardboard sign. With his sights set on the easy life Jensen spent countless hours employing every gimmick imaginable in an attempt to make his fortune. Can you really make a good living begging? Is anyone doing it? Find out at the world premier of this enlightening, poignant and hilarious new documentary from local film producers Apprehensive Studios.
As featured on Spike TV, CBS Radio, Metafilter.com, Fark.com.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Atheist Tag Lines
Just starting here, but I want to grow myself a list of atheist slogans!
Atheism: You don't have to read any books!
Atheism: All the premarital sex, None of the guilt.
Atheism: We can dig science, even when we're not sick
Atheists: We DON'T think you're going to hell
Atheism: Because self righteousness if more fun when you're right!
More to come...
Atheism: You don't have to read any books!
Atheism: All the premarital sex, None of the guilt.
Atheism: We can dig science, even when we're not sick
Atheists: We DON'T think you're going to hell
Atheism: Because self righteousness if more fun when you're right!
More to come...
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Bikini Beach (with Monster)
Sacramentonians make movies you know.My pals (and sometimes collaborators) who put on the notorious Trash Film Orgy have made a feature length film called Monster From Bikini Beach and it makes it's world premier this Friday at The Crest Theatre.
It will be a night to remember I promise. It's really awesome when some ambitious poor folks decide to make a movie despite the fact that they don't have any of the resources one needs to make a movie. Eat It Hollywood! Who needs you?
So come on down and support something that really deserves your support while also enjoying some damn fine entertainment and some extraordinarily good company.
Click Here to visit the TFO website where you can get all the information you need.
(Okay, look, there are tons of really good looking women who dance about in bikinis in this movie and they're all going to be at the theater and will pretend they like you if you pay the $5.50 to get in. Sheesh. Thanks a-lot for making me stoop to that level. No, really, thanks.)
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Abe and Me
My world view was greatly affected by Abraham Lincoln when I was in the third grade.
No, I didn't free my Star Wars figures from their servitude, nor did I try to assassinate then president Jimmy Carter during a play at Ford's theatre.
I was introduced to a box of cards called "Story Starters." These little cards would give you a topic to write about and the topic I drew had me imagining that Abraham Lincoln was somehow magically transported to modern times and that I had the job of showing him around.
I've been viewing the world with the question of "How would I explain this to Abe? How would this look to him?" ever since.
I constantly strip things down to their basics; I try to take the magic out of how an engine works. I also put inventions in order. To understand how this works, you first have to understand how that works. You'd think that it all starts with the wheel but actually toast comes first, then the wheel, then, a few inventions later, you get internet porn.
I think about Lincoln at least once a day, and have for the last quarter of a century. Sometimes I think that looking at the world through Lincoln's eyes would reveal a beautiful, wondrous world; Things that we might not appreciate; the ribbonlike sculpture of raised freeways interchanges, or the way all the signs and the lines in the road light up against the black backdrop of a night drive.
Other times I think that our modern world would look monstrous, a nightmare of scorched and paved earth and an insane pace that quickens exponentially right before our eyes, spinning out of control.
Ideally, I'd find Lincoln in a plain, simple room and we'd have at least a few days to talk before venturing outside.
Sneak Attack: I've been tagged before. I now Tag everyone who reads this. On your own blog, or right here in the comments section, let's hear your finish to the story starter:
Abraham Lincoln waits for you to introduce him to the present...
No, I didn't free my Star Wars figures from their servitude, nor did I try to assassinate then president Jimmy Carter during a play at Ford's theatre.
I was introduced to a box of cards called "Story Starters." These little cards would give you a topic to write about and the topic I drew had me imagining that Abraham Lincoln was somehow magically transported to modern times and that I had the job of showing him around.
I've been viewing the world with the question of "How would I explain this to Abe? How would this look to him?" ever since.
I constantly strip things down to their basics; I try to take the magic out of how an engine works. I also put inventions in order. To understand how this works, you first have to understand how that works. You'd think that it all starts with the wheel but actually toast comes first, then the wheel, then, a few inventions later, you get internet porn.
I think about Lincoln at least once a day, and have for the last quarter of a century. Sometimes I think that looking at the world through Lincoln's eyes would reveal a beautiful, wondrous world; Things that we might not appreciate; the ribbonlike sculpture of raised freeways interchanges, or the way all the signs and the lines in the road light up against the black backdrop of a night drive.
Other times I think that our modern world would look monstrous, a nightmare of scorched and paved earth and an insane pace that quickens exponentially right before our eyes, spinning out of control.
Ideally, I'd find Lincoln in a plain, simple room and we'd have at least a few days to talk before venturing outside.
Sneak Attack: I've been tagged before. I now Tag everyone who reads this. On your own blog, or right here in the comments section, let's hear your finish to the story starter:
Abraham Lincoln waits for you to introduce him to the present...
Religious Rules
Buddhists are vegan, or lots of 'em are anyway (Siddhartha Gautama was actually quite fond of pork). There's an interesting quideline in Buddhism. It seems that if you're a guest at somebody's home and they offer you a dish that has animal or animal products in it, you're better of eating it than being a rude guest.
Now THIS could come in handy.
You and your best pal both convert. He can INVITE you over to kill your boss. Wouldn't want to be a rude guest now. And you can invite your buddy over to have sex with his 21 year old secretary. It's a winning proposition.
**********************
In the big three you're instructed NOT to covet your NEIGHBOR's wife. That's where pornography is great. There's very little chance that the girl in the magazine or on the dvd or 15 second free clip on the internet (you cheap bastard) lives anywhere near you.
But it's almost like we don't like it if it isn't sin. What do they bill these girls as? The Girl Next Door?!
**********************
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight." Not actually in the Bible. Sorry.
Now THIS could come in handy.
You and your best pal both convert. He can INVITE you over to kill your boss. Wouldn't want to be a rude guest now. And you can invite your buddy over to have sex with his 21 year old secretary. It's a winning proposition.
**********************
In the big three you're instructed NOT to covet your NEIGHBOR's wife. That's where pornography is great. There's very little chance that the girl in the magazine or on the dvd or 15 second free clip on the internet (you cheap bastard) lives anywhere near you.
But it's almost like we don't like it if it isn't sin. What do they bill these girls as? The Girl Next Door?!
**********************
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight." Not actually in the Bible. Sorry.
Born Atheist?
My fellow atheists often point out that we were all born atheist.
I just can't bring myself to use this one.
Yes, I was born atheist, but I was also born bloody and shittin' on myself, a state I try to avoid as an adult, with some success I might add.
God made the dirt, so the dirt don't hurt. Not actually in the bible. Sorry.
I just can't bring myself to use this one.
Yes, I was born atheist, but I was also born bloody and shittin' on myself, a state I try to avoid as an adult, with some success I might add.
God made the dirt, so the dirt don't hurt. Not actually in the bible. Sorry.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Why Lie...
We're finally done editing our movie and it only took two years. Actually it took a little over two years, but it's done and the premier is going to one helluva bash this coming March. More information at www.WhyLieINeedADrink.com
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