Thursday, July 30, 2009

I Rode The Short Bus

I was talking with a friend of mine who also does stand up. We were discussing the sad truth that there are really earnest, hardworking guys in this game who just don't seem to have it and who seem unlikely to get it, but they chase it like nobody's business. They would seem to be delusional. But that's the problem with being delusional. The main symptom is that you don't know you're delusional which begs the question, how do we know that WE are not THEM!

When I was a kid I got put in the GATE program, for smart kids. Which meant taking the bus to a different school. It was a short bus.

That school had classes for mentally retarded kids too. They rode the same short bus I did.
My brothers told me I was retarded. They told me all those other kids on the bus were told they were smart too. I asked the other kids. My brothers were right. This messed with my head something awful!!

If the retarded kids didn't know they were retarded how could I know that I wasn't retarded?
Eventually I got to be friends with the other kids on the short bus and we had a great time. They were pretty clear that while they liked me, I was different. I figured they'd know better than I.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

My CD reviewed and Bootlegged

My CD has received it's first review courtesy of Muppet voiced? You know, I never realized I had an unusual voice but I've been hearing a lot of this kind of stuff lately. One guy called me "A Very Gay Will Ferrel with Kermit The Frog's Voice."

And my friend Scott has announced his intentions to bootleg the CD, selling his version, edited down to "just the funny bits" with a new cover featuring "less KLJ, more farm animal" for just $2. I hope the "Just the funny bits" doesn't mean he is selling a blank disc, though that would be quite hilarious.
Scott's lovely wife Lori photoshopped up the new cover. I like it.

Ha ha.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Atheist Church July 26, 2009 Goodbye to Thugs

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Keith Lowell Jensen Rocks Ass

Brent Weinbach "The Night Shift" Promo #1

Super excited about this!

Contest. Why?

Shit. I do a great set, I feel good, then I enter a contest. Time between entering and actually performing in contest is spent realizing I hate contests. I am confident that I have something special to offer, that I am prolific and that I manage to be funny while tackling subject matter that means a-lot to me. But when I have to do my best five minutes and put it up against everyone else's best five in front of a crowd and in front of judges that aren't necessarily my demographic I get really insecure.
I feel like I'm the turtle in this race. The hare being these young comics who are better than me at just getting up there and not giving a shit and just cracking up any crowd, any time. Of course the turtle has stamina and keeps going and doesn't burn out but damn, the turtle has to spend a-lot of time with that freakin' rabbit in front of him and it gets pretty damn discouraging.
Ah well. Competition, August 5th, The Purple Onion. Come cheer me on. :D


So, word is the episode of Manswers I was on aired again last night. It's always fun hearing from everyone that they saw me on TV.
On Spike TV's Manswers

Saturday, July 18, 2009

This Wednesday Ngaio Bealum at Luna's

They say pot kills brain cells. Damn, how smart was this guy before?!

It's actually quite ridiculous the level of talent we're getting in this tiny room but hey, word is getting around to the comics that our audiences are great and we're a good Wednesday night workout room.

Best known for hosting High Times comedy events, Ngaio Bealum is an unusually intelligent stand-up whose gut-busting comedy nevertheless reflects a pot lover's perspective of the world. Also a talented rapper/musician, Ngaio Bealum has appeared on "The Sarah Silverman Program" and in the feature film "Nine Months."

With Host Keith Lowell Jensen
Date: Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Time: 8:00pm - 10:00pm
Location: Luna's Cafe
1414 16th Street
Sacramento, CA 95814
$5 Cheap

Friday, July 17, 2009

Back in Sacramento

The trip to LA was great and terrible. Terrible because I got really sick and I'm the kinda guy who doesn't work sick, not at my day job anyway. When I'm sick, I experience being sick for all it's worth. I eat soup, watch a bunch of movies, read books (NOT THE STAND, Seriously, if you're sick keep that damn book the hell away.)
But this wasn't my job it was my career and so I went to two interviews and two gigs despite feeling like death served cold.
But I also got to meet Doug Benson less than 24 hours after I finished watching his movie Super High Me. That was really cool.
And I got to do a set at The Hollywood Improv which is always a treat. I had a great time. One of the other acts was a woman who shook her breasts while yelling "Titties in the house." and she actually went over fairly well so I was worried it wasn't my crowd but I did okay with them. Apparently they like titties AND jokes about my religion.
So we're clear, I don't usually walk into a club show and do all this material about religion. I have a club set and I save all but a little of the atheist bits for The Coexist? Comedy Tour. I was doing this specifically for the cameras.
But, my jokes worked, all accept for the bit about my whole family being Christian, "You could say, there but for the grace of god go I." That got blank stares. No problem, I always have my follow up, "You could say, but you shouldn't, apparently, especially if you're onstage at a comedy club... and you want to get laughs..." nothing "Okay, we'll move on."
That is one of my favorite lines and when it hits it hits hard but it only works about half the time. I think that the phrase "There but for the grace of god go I" is not as common as it once was so younger crowds especially are confused by it.
I'm starting to feel better, thrilled to be home and looking forward to seeing the tape.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

My set list for The Improv Tonight

Knock Knock
Answering The Door Naked
As long as they're offered a reward at the end
Christians want to pray for me.
God Heals Them

The Muslim's SIgning Incentive
72 Virgins
Ever Been with a Virgin?
More experience required, not an entry level position
How insecure are you?
Raisins, my favorite dried fruit- pissed of and horny, two scoops
Aren't you afraid?

called tech support
They Know How Dumb We Are.
Wheel of Samsara
SIkhs- They have a message for us

Why I don't pick on The Jews Closer, cut to this joke if time runs short
Anti-Semitic on Accident X-tra material if time left

More on Career Strategy

First off, just so I don't come off as a pompous ass, these posts on strategy are not meant to be a guide to how it's done being written by someone who hasn't yet "done it."
These are my thoughts on how I'm attempting to do it and what strategies I'm applying. I keep adjusting as things work and fail.

For now, I'm digging going to out of town shows and having people know me. YouTube had given me that more than anything else. YouTube is also paying me. It's not a-lot but I can see it increasing especially as I add subscribers in the dozens every day. So, I'm going to continue to put a heavy focus on YouTube.

I want to put more stand up on YouTube which means being more disciplined about taping every set. I'm performing two or three shows a week which isn't quite enough but it's better than I have done in the past. My stage fright is all but gone with just a bit of nervousness, usually before a small show more than before a big show oddly enough.

I'm just weeks from having my CD up for sale, then comes my book and then the DVD release of Why Lie I Need A Drink. It will be interesting to see what having product does to the bottom line. I'm optimistic.

For now I'm in LA about to go up at The Improv for the third time in less than a year. I used to fantasize about taking that stage and now I feel like I'm getting familiar with it.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Sneezing in Downtown LA

I'm in Los Angeles relaxing at Brett and Christy's place full of cats and lizards (see to understand.)
Had a nice long walk this morning through downtown after breakfast at the nickel diner. Tomorrow I have two interviews, one with Larry Brand for the documentary and one with some internet news service that I really don't know much a bout.
My allergies are having fun with the catness all about me so the more I find to force me out of the sneezy but air conditioned indoors and out into the less sneezy but very hot outdoors the better. Wow, spell check says sneezy really is a word. Cool.

So last night I did a set at The Hyperion Tavern. Tiny little room and my audience, made up of the filmmakers friends since this was a last minute thing, was mostly catholic ladies of a certain age. Not my ideal demographic but it went fine. The footage should look really neat as it's a bizarre little room.

After the show/taping it was back to Christy and Brett's where I made them watch Katt Williams Live. Damn he is funny. I think Katt is one of the best comics working today and if you're not familiar I suggest checkin' him out right away. Well, I got snifflin', and sneezing to get back to.

For future trips I will have a flip camera, which I'm buying any day now, since the two hour model is out, and I will better document the adventure. :D

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Truth About Facebook

There is a group called The Truth About Facebook. They have the SHOCKING news that your facebook information isn't private!Apparently what you publish on a social networking site can be seen by just about anyone including... gasp... The CIA! Oh man, guess I better take down my "How I plan to stage a coup" notes. I have no idea this shit was public!!! Thank you Truth About Facebook.

I think what we need to do is to put "Just Kidding after every post. That'll work. But you, my real friends all know that when I say Just Kidding I mean, NO, FOR REAL!
Just kidding.

Did I mention WHERE I found this group? On Facebook of course. Man, this stuff writes itself.

Francois Fly Puke Splatter

It is a beautiful thing when a Fly comedian returns to the stage of his beloved Trash Film Orgy, vomits on the floor and huffs some raid while doing a sloppy but impassioned cover of The Cramp's song Human Fly. And it is made more beautiful by the talents of Bob from
Good stuff. Click on the picture to see the larger version.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Atheist Church July 12, 2009 Coming Out Atheist

Featuring a clip of I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy starring Miles Miniacci, Sid Garcia Heberger and Ben "The Pony" Miller.
You can buy I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy's CD "Funnier Than God", which features Keith Lowell Jensen as both an actor and sketch writer, here:
ICBINC Funnier Than God

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Mike E. Winfield delivered tonight at Luna's

Ahhhh shit. Mike E. Winfield is smooth! He just headlined my Wednesday room and that guy just boggles me. I admire many comics for a wide range off different qualities. Now Mike E. is a good all round comic, amazing really, but the thing that Mike E. most represents to me is Stage Presence. He is the Patron St. of stage presence. So study Johnny Carson to learn how to roll with the punches and make the worst jokes get the biggest laugh. Study Brent Weinbach to learn how to commit! Study Emo Phillips, Woody Allen or Bob Newhart to learn how to write. Study Richard Pryor for sincerity and heart. Bill Cosby for story telling. And when you want to learn how to OWN the stage, I sugggest you enlist as tutor, one Mike E. Winfield.
Watch this clip of Winfield on Comics Without Borders, see a pro...

Red Hot Non-Stop Hot Stewardess Action All Night Long

Rich people fly 1st class. They get nice comfortable seats with extra leg room but more importantly they get to NOT sit with poor people. They like that.

They also get to be seated first and here is where the problems start. I have to get on after them. I don't mind this, it's only fair. I'm poor I belong in the back of the bus, er, I mean plane. The problem is that I have to walk through their nice 1st class section to get to my ghetto. They paid all that money NOT to have to deal with the likes of me, and then they are made to suffer the indignity of me and my poor friends walking THROUGH their section with our back packs and bad teeth. The tension is palpable.

It didn't used to be this way. When commercial flight started it was all first class. We poor people stayed on the ground where we belong and rich people partied in the sky above the clouds with hot stewardesses in skimpy outfits and good looking young pilots. Oh whoa is me. I was born in the wrong social class AND in the wrong time.

I mean these days, why would I even bother to work hard to be rich? So I can have a bunch of commoners parading through my SECTION of the airplane? I don't think so. No, sorry, being rich these days just isn't worth it. And that, my friends, is why I'm blogging instead of working hard right now.

Heading To Los Angeles

Filmmakers Larry Brand and Rebecca Reynolds are working on a documentary on atheists, and yours truly has been invited to provide a bit of comic relief. They're flying me down to LA next week so they can film me doing my atheist material. I'm not sure the venues yet but we're looking at The Hollywood Improv. Hopefully that works out. I love the Improv.
I'm also working on a radio story with Roman Mars for a project he's doing looking at "Snap Judgments." More on that later. Lots happening.
Tonight we have Mike E. Winfield here in Sacramento at Luna's, 1414 16th Street.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Cats Made Of Rabbits

I was at The Peach Tree which is the best place to stop off of Highway 5 as their vintage lunch box and thermos collection rules.

While perusing their gift shop I spotted some super realistic looking cats, like too realistic looking. "Is this some kind of cat taxidermy?" I thought. I picked one up and saw the quality assurance. This cat was made with 100% real genuine rabbit fur!

Some things are so weird the weirdness can't hit you all at once. I was halfway back to Sacramento when it occurred to me how very bizarre it is to make cats out of rabbits. They're killing a live, real animal and reassembling it's carcass to look like another animal. Amazing. They killed rabbits and made cats out of them.

To make one animal out of another is indeed the height of human ingenuity. Do me a favor though. If you see the flying saucers landing, if the aliens are invading, HIDE THE CATS MADE OF RABBITS! If an advanced civilization is assessing our value and potential I think it will be tough to explain Auschwitz, Hiroshima and the Trail of Tears but I think they will understand tribalism and warfare. I'm pretty sure cats made of rabbits will label us suitable only for soup-stock.

(For more awful things see

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Rapture Letters
The idea for this video comes directly from my blog, an old post that can found at:

Wasting Time on Assholes

I waste way too much time and energy talking to assholes on the internet. I really should adopt a policy of just not replying to anyone who can not communicate without calling names, or making talk radio type claims like the guy who says I must be a Muslim since I don't agree with banning the burqa. Why would I even bother with such ridiculousness? It's like an addiction though. Must fight with asshole! As if I have any chance of changing the mind of someone like that. Like their mind has the capacity for change.
And there is positive discourse too but I get distracted from it by the dumb stuff. That should change.

Ah well. Tonight should be a fun night. I've got some great comics lined up for Comedy Night at Luna's.

The CD project is moving along. We did a photo shoot yesterday to get a pic for the inside of the CD jacket and I think we got some great photos for promotional stuff as well. Can't wait to see the pics. Thanks for sharing your opinions no the covers (see last post.) People are pretty divided, which to me says that both covers look pretty great. Irina is a wonderful designer and Kiny is one bad ass photographer.