So, I usually don't get hostile to my audience no matter what. I've even walked off stage and hugged a heckler before, explaining that I understood his need for attention.
But something about the three little bottle blond tramp stamped 20 year olds who came to the comedy show to sit right up front and then hold their own conversation through everybody's act and show each other the texts they were receiving on their phones just made my blood boil
So, there I am, explaining the wheel of Samsara."So, if you're a bad guy you could come back in the next life as something worse, like a stand up comic in a fucking pizza parlor. (then specifically to the bimbos) seriously, what the fuck was I in my past life to deserve you? Shit, I must have been Hitler! (in voice of god) 'Little hard on the Jews there Adolph. Have fun doing comedy in Sunnyvale.'"
Later I told a joke about animal testing that references lonely lab techs and one of the vapid three laughed. "Oh you like the monkey fucking jokes? Okay, I'm glad I know now. Next time I'm in Sunnyvale it's all monkey fucking all the time, got it."
What I didn't say was: NO Twenty year old has an excuse to have a tatooed lower back. Unless they were inked up in their pre-teens they got that tattoo AFTER the term Tramp Stamp came into effect. They were familiar with the term. Did they ask for it by name? "Uh, yeah, Snake, can I get 'free blowjobs tattooed on my chin? No wait, never mind, just tramp stamp me instead."
FUCK YOU SUNNYVALE.
UPDATE: Sorry Sunnyvale. I love you. I wasn't actually in Sunnyvale. I don't usually drive to gigs so I never can remember where I am. When I'm offered a gig and there is someone to carpool with (bum a ride off of) I just concentrate on where and when I'm getting picked up and then I magically arrive at some venue with a stage. Yeah, it is pretty pathetic to not even know what town you're cursing. Ah well. Sunnyvale, I owe you one.