My Brain Tumor

I have a terrible memory. I meet a lot of people and I am really bad about remembering faces. I once introduced myself to the Sacramento Bee reporter who had a month earlier put me on the cover of Ticket, the Bee's entertainment magazine. I said, "Oh, you're into comedy. I have a sketch comedy troupe." He said, "Yeah Keith, I know. I wrote about them."

Unfortunately some people take this bad memory personally. They're insulted that they remember me but I don't remember them. This isn't fair. There's just one of me and there is almost 7 billion of them.

So, I started telling people I had a small brain tumor. People get mad at you for having a bad memory but nobody gets mad at you for having a brain tumor which I find interesting. I guess because a bad memory doesn't kill you? It's not like I had any more choice in having a bad memory than the average brain tumor patient has in having a brain tumor.

I describe it as tiny, like a candy sprinkle. Everybody loves candy sprinkles. Nothing scary about a candy sprinkle.

Some people think this is horribly insensitive to people with brain tumors. I don't think people with brain tumors are that possessive over their "Get out of jail free" for having a bad memory card. It's not like there is a finite supply.

If I told you I have a brain tumor and you've been feeling bad for me, I'm sorry. I don't have a brain tumor. What's your name again?