Childhood Injuries

1. Nail through cheek after brother dumped me from wheelbarrow, still have scar
2. Sign post shaken loose by me and brothers, them from the bottom, me from the top. Sign came down with me still on it, put permanent scar on chest.
3. Put foot in spokes while riding on back of mom's bicycle, slight scar.
4. Broke thumb punching a kid in high school.
5. Needed tetanus after being bit by another student in 4th grade.
6. Jammed finger intentionally to get out of Volleyball in 11th grade, overdid it, ouch!
7. Shoe print on face from fight with Tommy Butcher. You could literally make out the laces on my cheek.
8. Countless sprained ankles and knocks to the noggin (explains a few things eh?) from skateboarding.
9. Small scar between my eyes where I caught a b.b. from a b.b. gun.
10. Scar on shin after being run over by a golf cart.

I'm Shy

I am. People don't believe it because I'm loud and obnoxious and I go on stage with a fair amount of confidence but I am actually, ridiculously shy. It just manifests itself in strange way or maybe not so strange; I think it's textbook extroverted introvert kind of behavior.

But it gets the best of me sometimes. Like, when I attended my wife's work Christmas party. Mind you my wife works at a place that is like my second home since I was 16, a beautiful local movie theater. A coworker of my wife's approached me and she told me how much she enjoyed my comedy and that she thought I "fucking rocked." It caught me off guard and I had no idea how to respond to the flattery. Before my brain could get in on the act my mouth blurted out in a childlike falsetto. "I have a penis." I then focused all of my attention on my hot apple cider as I wondered what the fall out of this one would be. "Uh...okay." came the response followed by swift departure of the young fan of mine, my wife's coworker.

Oops.

Teahouse Theme for G-Mail

I am obsessed. I discovered themes for my Gmail. I chose Tea House and it is SO cute. The sun moves across my page throughout the day and at the bottom of the page a fox manages his Tea House. He so far has helped a bird with it's bird bath, swept, done his books by candle light, had tea with a monkey friend and worked on his bonsai tree. I love this little fox. I can't wait to see what he does next. IN the picture above I have to wonder what that telescope sees? Is that little creep reading my MAIL?!?!

Screw Kid Rock and Dale Earnhardt Jr. Too

Nothing tans my hide quite like two millionaires encouraging their mostly working class fans to put themselves in harms way in a way that they never did.
War is not like being a rock star or racing a car. It's more like killing people who are trying to kill you, usually over some bullshit that you could really care less about.
Don't join the Army kids. It's stop loss lies and broken promises all the way.

Portland and Seattle

Click picture to enlarge
Just got back from Seattle and Portland.
Some of the most amazing performing experiences of my life.
Seriously.

Awesome crowds, Portland in particular. I can't wait to go back. I had Christians coming up to me after the shows and telling me they loved my set, and a Muslim in Portland made a point of letting me know that he was really Muslim (we'd jokingly accused him of faking it) and that he enjoyed all of us immensely.

The Comedy Underground is really funky and cool and the Bagdad is amazing; a big, gorgeous room that takes your breath away. What a privilege to hit these stage and what a thrill to do so well at them.

That said, there were some awkward moments at two of the three Seattle shows where I had to deal with drunks in the audience. Sorry to anyone who had their show lessened by these selfish folks. It makes me realize how lucky we've been so far to have such nice audience members.

I can't wait to go back to The Pacific Northwest. Thanks everyone.

Coming to Portland