House Centipede

I've got a new little beastie on my desk next to my Sea Monkeys. A guy I work with brought this little fella in in a ziplock bag. It's a House Centipede and very cool me thinks.
I'm going to see if my Friend Jonathan wants to make a pet of him. Jonathan has many arachnids for pets and this guy (not an arachnid but related) will fit right in.

I can use you're help

I need to pick three of four, maybe even five chapters of my book to submit to agents who want a better look after reading my querry letter. You can find a list of and links to all the chapters here, keeping in mind, this is the messy, hammered out, stream of conciousness version and the agent will get a much cleaned up version.
So, what are you favorite chapters?
Thanks.

More Videos

These are oldies, but I'm working on getting everything I have up on my youtube page. Can the abortion rights debate be funny? Can we offend pro-lifers AND pro-choice folks simultaneously or better yet, make both sides laugh?
CLICK HERE for all my videos.

Unborn Billy


Unwanted William


Google's launching a new Blogger Beta, fancy pants thing. I'm sure it'll be great one it's all up but for the last week Blogger has been lousy. I hope they work things out soon.

Prancer

I added a new video to my video page. Enjoy. This from a show we (ICBINC) did at The Crest Theatre.

Click here for my other videos.

Prancer

Prancer played by Emily Yay.

The Fratellis- Chelsea Dagger

Stumbled across this on YouTube. The song is fantastic and the video is full of beautiful women, so good all 'round yeah?

Busy

Busy, busy, busy.

Yep. I am. I was getting ready to start sending my querry letter to a few agents, figuring I could keep cleaning up the book as I collected rejection slilps, but now a friend of mine already has an agent interested in looking at my book. Crazy as the book is not necessarily ready to be looked at. I'm stressed now about getting it ready. So I'll be writing more there and less here. And that's that.

Cross your fingers and wish me luck (yeah, cuz that'll help.)

In the meanwhile, I did get a whole new set of illustrations for All My Kisses from Marcus at Grumblebee.com. Check 'em out Foo'!

Nothing?

Lots of hits today from Cockeyed.com, as Rob thanks me, for nothing, as in, "Thanks for nothing!" at the end of his new paparazi stunt/prank.

This is really snooty of him. You see, I DID participate in the prank, but as a Mennonite I don't believe in taking photographs for fear of stealing Rob and Stacy's souls, quite thoughtful of me I'd say (though it might actually be that I don't want to create craven images, I don't remember.)

So, I watched them walk around the mall and then I created the picture at left, which you can see is clearly them shopping. I created it by lovingly typing certain carefully chosen words into google images and very gently selecting just the right picture.

I did not include their daughter June, as I don't believe children belong on the internet.
So thanks, for NOTHING Rob Cocky-Ham.

(and hey, Cockeyed fans, wouldn't you like to leave a nice cold glass of comments about now. Mmmmm mmmmm, I know I would.)
Also, you can check out my latest blog, All My Kisses HERE.

Little Miss Sunshine

Wow. What a great film; Quirky in the way of Harold and Maude, the mismatched, oddball personalities here are on an insane roadtrip to a California beauty pageant. The laughs come fast and furious all with an uncomfortable and dark tinge to them. Little Miss Sunshine though, is not a dark film. Brightly lit and with an optimism and even sentimentality that pervades throughout. It's a regfreshing approach to dark humor.
The cast can't be beat, especially Abigail Breslin as the young would be Little Miss Sunshine, Olive and the always fantastic Alan Arkin as Grandpa.
I give Little Miss Sunshine a 4 out of 4 and I reccommend seeing it in a crowded theatre as its a blast hearing the "I can't believe I'm laughing at this." laughs of the crowd.

What films have seen lately that are worth talking about?

Scoop

I'm a big Woody Allen fan, though I haven't been real impressed with his output these last few years. I said I wanted one more masterpiece from him, and I'm told Match Point may be the fullfillment of that wish. Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to see Match Point.

Scoop, his latest, I did see and it is no masterpiece. Scarlett Johnason is adorable and there's some funny chatter but not enough winning dialogue to carryt the film, and the plot is even less equipped for the task. Woody generally turns out a movie a year, and they often feel like a rehashing of old ideas from a man who pressed on when he didn't really have a film to make. Scoop has traces of Curse of The Jade Scorpion and Play It Again Sam. Perhaps it has the most in common with Broadway Danny Rose (where the chatter between Allen and leading lady Mia Farrow did succeed at carrying the film splendidly), but it offered very little that felt new. I'll give it two stars out of a possible four.

I really need to get up to the video store to check out Match Point.

More Larry The Racist Cable Guy

Click Here to see the original post and ongoing debate (it's not really worthy of the word debate.)

More Neil Hamburger

Found this after heckasac posted it. Great stuff.

Mac Me?

I need a Mac for editing video. A G4 or faster with a superdrive and plent of disk space and ram. A desktop will do, a laptop would be even better. Anybody have one to sell? Or donate?

Publish My Book?

This is my querry letter. Know any publishers?


I am seeking a publisher for my memoir, Work Ethic? Complete at 113,500 words.

Work Ethic?, a collection of vignettes that combine to form a novel, is based on my own adventures seeking identity and employment in the American job market, being hired and fired (sometimes I quit) from over 30 jobs before my 30th birthday.

While on the clock, and in the pages of Work Ethic? I have, on separate occasions;

• Had a SWAT Team aim guns at my head. (Theatre Manager)
• Been arrested for bringing a gun into an international airport. (Flyer Distribution)
• Done dishes with a rock star. (Café Dishwasher)
• Been punched in the face by my boss. (Bus Boy)
• Punched a subordinate in the face. (Film Festival Promoter)
• Called for the internment of all Arab American's on a nationally syndicated "angry white guy with a goatee" type radio show. (There was a context to this.)

Work Ethic will appeal to fans of Michelle Tea, Beth Lisick, Dave Eggers, and David Sedaris. The book is told with a sense of humor but often explores the dark and even the mundane moments that one comes across while seeking enlightenment and employment.

Work Ethic existed first as a blog, written almost entirely while on the clock. The blog has been immensely popular drawing up to 85,000 views per month.

I dropped out of high school at age 17, when I was hitchhiking and caught not only a ride but also an offer of employment as a video tech. In addition to working too many jobs I’ve made a name for myself as a comedian, freelance writer and weird uncle.

My interview credits include Bob Newhart, Ryan Styles, Neil Hamburger, Gift of Gab, and my hero The Unknown Comic. In five years of professional writing I’ve covered mixed martial arts fighting, music, book and art reviews, comedy and technology. Please publish my book. I want to quit my job.

Leave your mark

I talked to several people this weekend who referenced this blog when talking with me: "Oh yeah, I saw that on your blog" or "I know. I read your blog."
That's nice. I'm glad someone's reading.
Hey, LEAVE COMMENTS! I will be truly stoked if you will make an effort to leave some sign that you've been here, dialogue will happen, the site will get better, the government will be overthrown, the world will be plunged into an era of peace, harmony and love (the sweaty, noisy, sea monkey kind) for all. Amen.
Sincerely,
The Reverend Keith Lowell Jensen

I'm a Grandpa

UPDATE: I decided I had enough to say about Sea Monkeys to give them a blog of their own. Please visit www.SeaMonkeyGeek.com.

I don't know what the gestation period is for sea monkeys, but maybe they were having little sea monkey orgies before I caught them in the act last week. There are little babies swimming around the tank now. I'm most excited. This is the most luck I've had with Sea Monkeys. The controlled temperature in our office helps.
Should I be passing out cigars? Or should I be grabbin' my shotgun and demanding to see some wedding pictures right quick?
I think sea monkey marriage is legal in a few states, but I'm sure the Republicans will be fighting it. I heard that Tammy Faye Baker had her dogs married, and spent enough money on it to have fed a third world country for a month. Couldn't have them little doggies livin' in sin though.

The Shins

I love these guys. Not shocking, groundbreaking or gimmicky, just wonderful.

Worship The Devil with Grand Buffet

Amazing.

Performing

Brent Weinbach was amazing. Performing with him and Tapan Trivedi the last two nights was a blast. We had a great turnout. Unfortunately the video we shot will be fairly useless. A mic shorted out, Tapan's camer, which would have been our second, wasn't there. He left it at another comedian friend of our's house and that comedian is in Japan entertaining the troops. Oh well. It'll be nice to have the video just to analyze and improve my material.
I was really nervous the first night, but night two I was loose and did much better. In fact I could have stayed on stage a lot longer than I did. I did my homophobia routine and my atheist routine. The atheist bits went over especially well.
Thanks to everyone who came to the show and a huge thanks to The Geery Theatre and Evan Nossoff at SacActors.com for hosting us. Great times.
I feel like I want to do more spoken word type stuff now. Get myself out there as a writer so I can get my book published.

Sea Monkey SEX

UPDATE: I decided I had enough to say about Sea Monkeys to give them a blog of their own. Please visit www.SeaMonkeyGeek.com.

Finally. My li'l sea monkeys got married. They must've eloped becuase I didn't see a ceremony or a reception, but I know they're married because they're doin' it, finally, makin' with the good sex.
I'll get up a picture later. Sea monkey porn, right here on my website. Yes!
Hopefully we'll get some little sea monkey juniors swimming around soon.

UPDATES

Okay, threads I seem to have forgotten...

No Petrol
I haven't gone 100% like planned. When my stomach acts up I need to use the car. I might need an electric scooter to do this. That's my dream scooter on the left.It's and E-Max Classic. I hope to get one soon as I start classes at Sac City and getting from work to there without burning petrol will be a challenge otherwise. I am walking to work and back everyday and barely using the car at all.

Camera
Got it! Today. Like 20 minutes ago. YES! Watch for new videos soon. Woo Hoo!

Sea Monkeys
They're doing great. I got about six of 'em in my tank at work. No fighting or makin' babies though. It seems like they should be doin' it by now.

Skateboarding/Breaking bones
Still skating. Haven't broken anything in sometime, but the new concrete parks are opening soon and I'm sure I'll crack my skull open soon.

Three Videos

Belle and Sebastian "White Collar Boy"


The Coup "We Are The One"


And a golden oldie De La Soul "Me, Myself and I"

Creative procrastinating

I get awfully creative when I'm supposed to be working on some other creative effort with an impending deadline. I want to write stories, plan videos (that damn camera better get here soon) and pretty much do everything except get ready for my show next week. Auuuuugggghhhhhh! ! ! ! I like performing but I'm really sick of worrying if we'll have an audience. I think I should stop producing. I should just do open mic nights and what not, letting someone else worry about getting a crowd there. Ah well. Good night. KLJ

Temple

I had such a wonderful morning. I sat and had a spiced indian tea with honey at Temple. They have the best coffe, the best tea and there are always cool art books to look at. It's also half a block from The Crest and The Toy Room Gallery, so I'll have to say, Temple is my favorite coffee shop. Sitting there, relaxing, looking at an art book I decided that I've got to be better about remembering to relax once in a while. Now I'm back to stressing about my upcoming show, but it was nice while it lasted.

School's Out

Alice Cooper on the Muppets. I love Alice Cooper and I do so love The Muppets so this is great. They even have the school blowing up. Could they get away with this on network televison today?
It's even more surreal when you consider that Alice Cooper was the Marilyn Manson of his day. Parent's hated him, and albums like the amazing Love It To Death are full of dark and often intentionally sacreligious imagery and here he is, shortly after going solo (Alice Cooper was originally the name of his band), doing a can-can with puppets. Good stuff.

Best Video I've seen in Ages

Wow. And there's no cuts. I don't know how many takes it took but they had to get all the way through this at least once.

I like their music well enough, but I'd probably sooner put on a Super Grass CD when in the mood for this sorta thing. But this video, it's just amazing. I'm impressed.

The Lesson

Click here to read a new story telling of a very drunken evening in my 19th year of life.

Arthur Lee RIP

Love ruled. One of the first multi-ethnic bands, along with The Equals, they combined the rough and tumble garage rock sound with the just blossoming psychedelic scene. Arthur Lee was their frontman and what a front man he was. Restrained while ready to explode with a deep voice that might was just pollished enough to contrast brilliantly with the often frantic tone of tunes like their signature song "Little Red Book."

Love enjoyed some success in their time but their influence goes far beyond what you'd expect based on their record sales as the record collecting fans of each generation discover Love and become instant converts and preachy ones at that. My band The Ugly Sticks covered Love and playing at being Arthur Lee for a few minutes on stage was even more fun on stage than it was jumping around my room with a hairbrush for a microphone when I was 16.

Arthur Lee died today in Memphis of Leukemia. He'd been struggling with the disease for the past year.

My Videos

Here's a collection of my videos on YouTube.com. I'll be adding lots more to it now that I have my own camera. CLICK here to go to YouTube, rate these video, leave comments on them etc.

Unborn Billy


Unwanted William


Prancer


Bible: The Movie


Fruit Flies


Spanish Fly


Vagina Monologues The Movie


Why Lie I Need A Drink: The Trailer

I'm performing with Brent Weinbach

Scroll down for updated content
Here's the flyer for the show. Click for larger version, scroll down for more details.

SacActors.com presents
A Night On The Edge
Three of the west coast’s most beloved practitioners of oddball humor come together for two nights of bizarre, baffling and hilarious Stand up comedy.
The Geery Theatre, 2130 L Street, Downtown Sacramento 95816
Fri 8/11 and Sat 8/12, 10pm both nights, $12.50

Call 916 451-4152 and make reservations.

This show will likely sell out.

Brent Weinbach brentweinbach.com
"Name To Watch" -New York Magazine

"Weinbach's comedy is about poaching characters from real life and inhabiting them that you forget who you're watching onstage." -East Bay Express

"...a borderline-offensive yukster for a post-multicultural era." -San Francisco Bay Guardian

"...laughing to the point of hyperventilation." -L.A. Alternative Press


Tapan Trivedi indiancomedian.com
Fresh off the road from the Gurus of Comedy Tour, Tapan who came to the US from India six years ago brings a fresh perspective when looking at and lampooning the American way of life. Tapan won the Last Laugh Comedy Competition, Sponsored by the Movie Aristocrats as well as Sacramento’s Gold Rush Comedy Competition
He was a finalist in Houston’s Funniest Person Comedy Competition


Keith Lowell Jensen www.rockass.net
KLJ recently hosted the Sacramento Area Music Awards (Sammies) as The Crest Theatre. He’s well known locally as a member of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Comedy, as the founder of The Trash Film Orgy and as the host of the popular alt-comedy series Funny Peculiar. He is often seen panhandling on the 16th street exit off of westbound Hwy 50. He’d rather be blogging.