Wednesday, December 30, 2009
That's it. That's the joke.
Mostly I resent the association, for you see I am homophobic.
and not looking to put anything inside of me...
well, maybe a finger but a 7 foot tall bear wanting to fuck me is foreign to me and so, likely to scare me a bit, even if he is a sweetheart.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I told them I'm not!
If people thing you're gay, you're screwed. Because you can't tell them you're not. Nothing sounds as gay as saying, "I'm not gay."
It's like people always expect that to be followed by "...but..."
"I'm not gay but... boy do I love to have sex with fellas!"
Monday, December 21, 2009
I've had an easy time with the critics, getting great reviews so far, so it wasn't too hard on me when I finally got one that didn't say I was God's gift to comedy. And the review really isn't bad at all. He had some constructive criticism that I actually agree with and I'm going to re-read this review before I record my next album in Spring 2010.
My favorite line of the review:
"Jensen has a hard time focusing on any one thing for too long."
Ha ha, sounds like it came straight from one of my school teachers. I also really enjoyed reading "He's got a dark sensibility and a propensity for logic over blind acceptance."
I also like that he is one of the few reviewers NOT to focus on my "Muppet like" "Gay Will Ferrel" voice.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I wake up mad at her and she doesn't know why.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tonight could end up being a very significant night. We shot the Coexist? Tour. We had a great four camera crew. We had a sound man. We had a director who is experienced and well connected. Unfortunately, I did not have my best set. I had some killer jokes and I did not have a bad set, but I've had some really great sets with the Coexist? tour and this wasn't one of 'em.
It still might come out great. I know I'm my own harshest critic and I know we do have a good director who wants to make me look my best so we'll see what happens.
I'm exhausted with producing and performing. I give all my energy to production and then I go onstage and recite instead of perform.
I also feel like this material might be over-rehearsed which leads to reciting. I've only dealt with under-rehearsed before so this is new to me.
Well, we wait. We wait and we see what comes of it.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
My darling sister Emily managed to get my mugshots from the last time I was arrested.
Thanks Em! I've had a few more sessions with the city's finest photographers and I'm hoping she can find me those too. In one set my face is covered in blood. Those are the ones I want the most. If I get 'em, I'll give you that story.
"I know it isn't personal!"
"Well why are you getting upset?"
"I need to see your driver's license."
"I'm on a bike."
"Do you have a California ID?"
I handed over my license. "Mr. Jensen have you been arrested before?"
"Do you have any priors!"
"Yeah. I've been arrested before."
"Oh c'mon, man..."
"Assault on a peace officer." (Like I said, find me those mug shots, circa 1990, you'll get that story.)
I started getting really pissed. "I don't know? It should. I'm a nice guy who just rode his bike two yards in the wrong direction and I once had my ass kicked by an asshole cop more than a decade ago."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm taking your picture." I answered as I snapped one of him too.
"Like fuck I can't!"
"Go fuck yourself."
Before long two cops who had passed their driving tests pulled up and loaded my bike into their trunk and me into the back of their car. I'm not that big of a guy and I wonder how the hell they fit anyone bigger than me into the back seat of those cruisers. It is a tight fit.
The cop answered "Resisting arrest but with remorse." The giant repeated "With remorse?"
"I'm trying! I have poor balance!" I said as calmly but firmly as I could. Big Boy went blank for a minute. I could actually hear the processor in his head spinning for a few seconds like a computer in desperate need of an upgrade. Luckily he a full systems crash was avoided and Big Boy walked me to my cell.
"Your wristband says you need medical attention. This is where you go if you need medical attention, so we can respond if you start dying."
"Well then what are the rims for?"
Big Boy was back and he had the biggest, buffest man I'd ever seen with him. He stuck Gigantica in the tank, instructed him to sit down and shut the door. Gigantica didn't want to sit down. Gigantica wanted to pace. This brought Big Boy back.
"Oh shit man, fuck, four o'clock, shit, you know she sold my shit by now. Goddamn, I can't believe it. Four o'clock."
I leaned over and said, softly, "Dude, it wasn't ten yet when the grabbed me. there's no way it's after midnight." Gigantica, I found out too late, possessed super human hearing to go with his super human size.
I've been a nervous laugher since I was a kid. The more trouble I was in the more I'd laugh when my father confronted me about it. Luckily my old man was cool about this little tick of mine. He'd actually say, "I know that you giggle because your scared and you should be scared..." and go on with is threats, knowing that it didn't mean I wasn't taking him seriously. Teachers, school principals, bosses and cops were less understanding. I did not figure Gigantica was going to show super-human compassion and understanding as a smile kept across my face, and then a giggle, and then a laugh, a loud hearty, oh my God I'm going to die, laugh!
Rims stared at me, the only white guy in the cell, the only sober guy in the cell. I was wearing a white shirt, a nice coat, slacks, a shiny pair of shoes, I was clean shaven. I was just one pair of blue eyes away from being quite clearly the devil and I think Rims was willing to over-look this one little detail. He scooted away from me and I got to spend my last half hour in jail in relative peace and quiet.
Buy my new album and special Atheist Christmas here:
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The Serious Comedy Site, says "To The Moon, the first stand-up comedy CD by Keith Lowell Jensen is solid, solid stuff."
And Romanian Comedy Site Aristocratii.ru, says "A great listen, all ending in a wonderfully crafted story that reminded me of Woody Allen’s stand-up."
Monday, October 26, 2009
I submitted a query letter to Prometheus books and heard back almost immediately.
So, now I have a newborn baby, a CD to promote, a day job, a weekly comedy show, a big show with Coexist Comedy Tour at The Crest which is also to be a concert film, and I'm getting my book ready. I didn't figure on Prometheus replying as quickly as they did so I hadn't done the edit/minor rewrite I feel needs to be done.
Life is crazy. I would probably be depressed and bored if it wasn't so no complaints. I hope Prometheus takes the book. That would be amazing.
WHAT! A NEWBORN BABY! Yeah, I didn't say much about that did I? No, it's not because I'm self absorbed and career obsessed (though I am on both counts). It's because I have a separate blog, keithlovesbryna.com all about that goodness. :D
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
I'd grown bored of making hilarious balloon sculptures to entertain the Jones family (the Freud with a corndog is still one of my finest) and so I pulled out my banjo picked a few tunes and when a crowd gathered I told a joke or two.
This pathetic teenager was slouching outside the magic shop trying to draw people in with some stale jokes and tired old coin tricks. He witnessed all the hub-bub around my stroller and, coming in to get a closer look he realized I was everything he'd been looking to become. I managed to combine the finest of vaudeville with modern sensibilities and a so unhip as to be hip anti-hipness that made the hip post-hippy crowd adore me. Above all I was innocent. That's what they loved the most, my feigned innocence combined with the seemingly accidental wit of a Wise Man.
He cornered me and Suzie while we waited for her parents and siblings who were engaged in a vain search for sugar free beverages in the magic kingdom. This adolescent with "Hi, My Name Is Steve" pinned to his chest bought us a couple of corndogs and I showed him my shtick. From happy feet to balloon art. He took notes and kept saying, "Yes, Yes, Yes!" and then kissing the corn dog lady; Big sloppy kisses of the kind the world would witness years later in Prince's Purple Rain (By the way Prince stole that script from my cousin Paul, though Paul's version was about an airline stewardess who ran for congress and it featured more folk music. Believe it or not, it's up to you. I don't care.)
That bastard Martin's career has been non-stop ever since. He’s making awful movies for big money thanks to my material and I’m selling solar powered umbrella’s at a kiosk in the mall.
Now Steve's never going to admit to our little meeting. The only witnesses were Suzie and the girl working at the corn dog stand. Steve was sleeping with the corn dog girl, (and eating at her stand for free I should mention), and promised to sleep with Suzie when she came of age if she'd keep her mouth shut about his lifting of my gags. She maybe a good witness for Jehova, but she sure didn’t come through for me. Yeah, I know it’s a cheesy joke. Why would I write a good one when that bastard will just take it from me?!
Now I want you Steve Martin fans to know that although I'm mad at Steve for stealing my material when I was but a mere boy incapable of defending myself, I do love his comedy dearly. Of course I do, since it's really mine. So you see, in that sense I too am a Steve Martin fan, though I hate his lousy, stinking guts. Steve is one of my biggest comedy influences meaning I too want to steal all my material from a toddler.
I've been quiet about this for too long. I'm ready to fight! I will show this Steve Martin for the evil corn dog eating, comedy stealing, corn dog vendor and Jehova's Witness just turned 18 threesome having scoundrel (sorry for the bad language) that he is...
Unless he agrees to "Settle" out of court for a reasonable fee.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I realized yesterday that while I know friends who moved into the producer role completely they weren't friends who I saw as good performers. I don't mean that in any mean spirited way at all, but if I saw one example of someone who really impressed and inspired me as performer and who lost it to producing I'd have reason to be scared. Since that isn't the case, I will continue to produce shows which gives me great contacts and puts me on great bills. I will trust that my talent is sufficient to make the most of these opportunities.
Monday, October 12, 2009
We've done it for two years and every time I feel that ceiling coming and worry about what we can do to take it up another level there is something there to take it to that next level and that something this time is that Larry Brand is coming to film it all for his documentary on atheists but he is taping the whole thing and as he put it, killing two birds with one stone. He feels like we are something special and worth being our own film and I of course agree.
So, I am excited as all hell and I feel like this is an important and big break for me and for this tour and with my daughter coming any day now the timing it certainly nice.
Now we just need to PACK this theater and I am sure that we will.
Whenever I'm around these preachy types, I'm like, "You're thinking about my dick and my ass right now aren't you? Wondering what I get up to with 'em." It's sick I tell you, sick.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Life goes by a little quicker thank I'd like. It's not that I'm trying to stay young it's just that one age comes on before I'm quite done with the last. Jesus universe, what's the hurry?!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Ron Jeremy - has a big penis.
Where's the Beef Lady- didn't know where the beef was, apparently never met Ron Jeremy.
John Bobbit - had his penis cut off, got a national comedy tour out of it. Knows where the beef is.
Dustin Diamond aka Screech - national comedy tour for, geeze I have no idea what for.
Glenn Beck - I could write a novel on this one.
Joe The Plumber- was in the right place when the right was desperate.
Palin - see above.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
I smile and say "Thank you."
He replies "You fuckin' suck."
I guess thank you isn't what he was looking for?
I get to the comedy spot and I'm a bit early so I stand out front for minute. A car is stopped at the traffic light and a girl leans out of her window and says "Hey, I've seen you. You're really funny." She gives me two thumbs up and then the light turns green.
Walking down Broadway is always a good time.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
What this means, in my case at least though I doubt I'm alone in this, is that the record labels I submitted to turned me down. They took a pass on my album.
There is no shame in that, and I knew that I'd be happy to DIY it but hell, if someone else was going to put up the money and advertise and do this on a bigger scale I wasn't going to tell them not to. In fact I was willing to take the steps necessary to make sure they knew I existed, just in case they didn't want to reject me.
So now I have an indie release and that is a marketing point. I sell it as an indy release by an indie comic. This is sincere though. I really am proud. I'm proud of being rejected or more accurately I'm proud of not letting the rejection stop me. I'm proud of doing it anyway. I will not let some suits or guys conspicuously not wearing suits, guys sporting pony tales, I will not let them be the arbiter of funny. What the hell do they know? My mom thinks I'm funny! So I asked her loan me the money to make the album. (Actually I hit my dad up, but mom sounded funnier.)
The word indie has taken on some other meaning though. It's a genre now based on a certain sound apparently. All of the "indie" bands I see boasted in the hip indie magazine are signed to the indie arm of a major label. They're not indie, they just sound indie? So, they just sound like they'd be rejected? But they weren't? Do their mom's even like their sound?
And I find myself in a position to defend my comedy and it's indie-ness. Um, it's indie because I owe my dad money. See that piece of punctuation at the end of the last sentence? That's a period! Dad doesn't have a pony tale. When someone with a ponytale pays for my album to be pressed and buys me a few lunches to boot, then you can grill me for my indie credentials, for now, screw you, I'm indie.
So anyway, please, go to one of these large corporate websites and buy my indy CD or take me out to coffee and I'll sell you one cheaper.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The lakeside gazebo where they tied the knot doesn't take reservations, it's catch as catch can so James dropped me there early to hold the spot. I sat there drinking espresso and watching the ducks and a crane and even a turtle do their thing in the lake and the joggers do theirs up on the path. It was really nice. Then everyone showed up, our older brother John did a great job officiating, then back to James and Katy's place for grub and toasts.
On my way home my cell phone received this photo of the newlyweds at Disneyland. Congrats to them both and welcome to the family to Katy and Jack-Jack, her awesome little boy who I'm stoked to call nephew even if he calls me Jack-Jack and insists that his name is Dylan.
I don't know how to make jokes full of love and excitement and sweet, nostalgic sorrow for every past moment.
But a comedian is what I am, so I'll try...
Friday, September 11, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
The feature is Barry Weintraub from New York. He is a very political comic and a really nice guy. In a strange coincidence, he is staying with his friend Charlie Weiss while he is in town. Charlie's son Aaron and I were in a band together called The Ugly Sticks.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Meadows did a bit of stand up and then brought up Uncle Brother, two improv guys from Chicago and he joined them in some of the best long form improv I've seen. Meadows and the Uncle Brother guys were all really nice and friendly.
This week I'm back at Punch with Tom Rhodes which should be a blast. The man is a legend.
Click the headline to go the full article:
About.com "Jensen has a hard time focusing on any one thing for too long. That doesn't mean he lacks a point of view, though; he's got a dark sensibility and a propensity for logic over blind acceptance."
The Serious Comedy Site "To The Moon, the first stand-up comedy CD by Keith Lowell Jensen is solid, solid stuff."
Aristocratii.ru (Romania) "A great listen, all ending in a wonderfully crafted story that reminded me of Woody Allen’s stand-up."
The Sacramento Bee "Jensen's comedy has gone global"
News and Review: "Jensen skewers everything—religion, Jenny McCarthy, light-rail drivers. Don't miss a chance to see him live."
SacRag.com "Jensen turns a throwaway Light Rail Drivers joke into an extended piece about remixing the joke for different audiences, and segues from that into a great series of jokes about performing in small town “comedy clubs,” building to a great bit about parents who bring their kids to bars, with a classic R-rated punchline."
Submerge Magazine "To the Moon finds Jensen rocketing his material to new heights, touching upon anything from having a kid to the costumes in porn. Jensen gets introspective too, poking fun at his experience of attending continuation school"
SacramentoPress.com Show Review "Jensen’s biting commentary on religion and the way society perceives it was still prevalent in his act, but it was interspersed with bits on his imminent transformation into a father in October and why he is “hella gay at being straight.”
Retrocrush.com "The jokes are great and genuine. Good observational humor that is a great blend of smart, wacky, and self deprecating. With topics that include his continuation school experiences, being "hella gay at being straight", and Microsoft Vista jokes, this CD is unique."
BadMouth.net "By turns cerebral, profane and lowbrow, Jensen offers insight into life as a small-time comedian, observations about porn and an extremely funny extended scatological bit that give the CD it’s name. To the Moon is a no-brainer for existing fans of Jensen’s and a great way for the uninitiated to become acquainted with one of Northern California’s fastest rising stars."
Friendly Atheist "While he doesn’t tackle religion on this particular album, he does have a fantastic bit about Jenny McCarthy and her anti-vaccination crusade and there are plenty of geek-related jokes (e.g. Microsoft Vista, tech support, time travel) that a skeptical audience would appreciate."
Friday, August 28, 2009
The other comics all had good sets and Marcella Arguello was the best emcee ever. She kept the audience laughing and excited throughout the night, and I believe she got a few drinks bought for her too. Woo hoo. Lookin' forward to doin' a San Francisco show soon.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
So, we stand there, not punning, until I decide that it's safe to say, "Okay, I have to go now. It is time for me to go to bed." speaking really slowly and deliberatlely just SURE that I'm going to pun unintentionaly and be... punished for it. SEE?! See how easily it happens? I got home safe and sound. I hope he did as well.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The bad experience was the last contest before this, where 1 guy had a better set than me but four people advanced instead of me and two of them were awful and hacky.
So, tonight was fine.
If I want to do any more competitions, and I'm not sure I do, I need to work on my short game. I've got a really good long game and a decent short, but I tend to like a little time to build up and when I only have five minutes I need to figure out how to just go out there already UP.
Ah well. All week I'm opening for Tim Meadows at The Punch Line, and that is cool. :D
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Who: KLJ plus Mike E. Winfield, Kelly Pryce, Ray Molina and Marcella Arguello
When: Wednesday August 26th, 8pm
Where: Punch Line, Sacramento, CA 95825
How Much: $15 includes a copy of "To The Moon."
Phone: (916) 925-5500
"By turns cerebral, profane and lowbrow, Jensen offers insight into life as a small-time comedian, observations about porn and an extremely funny extended scatalogical bit that give the CD it’s name"
"A great blend of smart, wacky, and self deprecating humor."
"Jensen is best known as the atheist comedian on the popular Coexist? Comedy Tour. On "To The Moon" the comic talks about everything but religion, from his adventures in public school to the declining quality of pornography. With this effort Jensen establishes himself as a unique, refreshingly sincere and absolutely irreverent voice in modern comedy. This is one hilarious CD."
Sunday, August 2, 2009
You're initials make it clear that your desitiny involves going to my website and buying my CD. Doing it sooner rather than later means getting to the good things in life that much sooner. Do it now. Be the change you want to see in my pocket.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
When I was a kid I got put in the GATE program, for smart kids. Which meant taking the bus to a different school. It was a short bus.
That school had classes for mentally retarded kids too. They rode the same short bus I did.
My brothers told me I was retarded. They told me all those other kids on the bus were told they were smart too. I asked the other kids. My brothers were right. This messed with my head something awful!!
If the retarded kids didn't know they were retarded how could I know that I wasn't retarded?
Eventually I got to be friends with the other kids on the short bus and we had a great time. They were pretty clear that while they liked me, I was different. I figured they'd know better than I.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
And my friend Scott has announced his intentions to bootleg the CD, selling his version, edited down to "just the funny bits" with a new cover featuring "less KLJ, more farm animal" for just $2. I hope the "Just the funny bits" doesn't mean he is selling a blank disc, though that would be quite hilarious.
Scott's lovely wife Lori photoshopped up the new cover. I like it.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I feel like I'm the turtle in this race. The hare being these young comics who are better than me at just getting up there and not giving a shit and just cracking up any crowd, any time. Of course the turtle has stamina and keeps going and doesn't burn out but damn, the turtle has to spend a-lot of time with that freakin' rabbit in front of him and it gets pretty damn discouraging.
Ah well. Competition, August 5th, The Purple Onion. Come cheer me on. :D
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
It's actually quite ridiculous the level of talent we're getting in this tiny room but hey, word is getting around to the comics that our audiences are great and we're a good Wednesday night workout room.
Best known for hosting High Times comedy events, Ngaio Bealum is an unusually intelligent stand-up whose gut-busting comedy nevertheless reflects a pot lover's perspective of the world. Also a talented rapper/musician, Ngaio Bealum has appeared on "The Sarah Silverman Program" and in the feature film "Nine Months."
With Host Keith Lowell Jensen
Date: Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Time: 8:00pm - 10:00pm
Location: Luna's Cafe
1414 16th Street
Sacramento, CA 95814
Friday, July 17, 2009
But this wasn't my job it was my career and so I went to two interviews and two gigs despite feeling like death served cold.
But I also got to meet Doug Benson less than 24 hours after I finished watching his movie Super High Me. That was really cool.
And I got to do a set at The Hollywood Improv which is always a treat. I had a great time. One of the other acts was a woman who shook her breasts while yelling "Titties in the house." and she actually went over fairly well so I was worried it wasn't my crowd but I did okay with them. Apparently they like titties AND jokes about my religion.
So we're clear, I don't usually walk into a club show and do all this material about religion. I have a club set and I save all but a little of the atheist bits for The Coexist? Comedy Tour. I was doing this specifically for the cameras.
But, my jokes worked, all accept for the bit about my whole family being Christian, "You could say, there but for the grace of god go I." That got blank stares. No problem, I always have my follow up, "You could say, but you shouldn't, apparently, especially if you're onstage at a comedy club... and you want to get laughs..." nothing "Okay, we'll move on."
That is one of my favorite lines and when it hits it hits hard but it only works about half the time. I think that the phrase "There but for the grace of god go I" is not as common as it once was so younger crowds especially are confused by it.
I'm starting to feel better, thrilled to be home and looking forward to seeing the tape.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Answering The Door Naked
As long as they're offered a reward at the end
Christians want to pray for me.
God Heals Them
The Muslim's SIgning Incentive
Ever Been with a Virgin?
More experience required, not an entry level position
How insecure are you?
Raisins, my favorite dried fruit- pissed of and horny, two scoops
Aren't you afraid?
called tech support
They Know How Dumb We Are.
Wheel of Samsara
SIkhs- They have a message for us
Why I don't pick on The Jews Closer, cut to this joke if time runs short
Anti-Semitic on Accident X-tra material if time left
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Had a nice long walk this morning through downtown after breakfast at the nickel diner. Tomorrow I have two interviews, one with Larry Brand for the documentary and one with some internet news service that I really don't know much a bout.
My allergies are having fun with the catness all about me so the more I find to force me out of the sneezy but air conditioned indoors and out into the less sneezy but very hot outdoors the better. Wow, spell check says sneezy really is a word. Cool.
So last night I did a set at The Hyperion Tavern. Tiny little room and my audience, made up of the filmmakers friends since this was a last minute thing, was mostly catholic ladies of a certain age. Not my ideal demographic but it went fine. The footage should look really neat as it's a bizarre little room.
After the show/taping it was back to Christy and Brett's where I made them watch Katt Williams Live. Damn he is funny. I think Katt is one of the best comics working today and if you're not familiar I suggest checkin' him out right away. Well, I got snifflin', and sneezing to get back to.
For future trips I will have a flip camera, which I'm buying any day now, since the two hour model is out, and I will better document the adventure. :D
Monday, July 13, 2009
I think what we need to do is to put "Just Kidding after every post. That'll work. But you, my real friends all know that when I say Just Kidding I mean, NO, FOR REAL!
Did I mention WHERE I found this group? On Facebook of course. Man, this stuff writes itself.
Good stuff. Click on the picture to see the larger version.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Featuring a clip of I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy starring Miles Miniacci, Sid Garcia Heberger and Ben "The Pony" Miller.
You can buy I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy's CD "Funnier Than God", which features Keith Lowell Jensen as both an actor and sketch writer, here:
ICBINC Funnier Than God
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Watch this clip of Winfield on Comics Without Borders, see a pro...
They also get to be seated first and here is where the problems start. I have to get on after them. I don't mind this, it's only fair. I'm poor I belong in the back of the bus, er, I mean plane. The problem is that I have to walk through their nice 1st class section to get to my ghetto. They paid all that money NOT to have to deal with the likes of me, and then they are made to suffer the indignity of me and my poor friends walking THROUGH their section with our back packs and bad teeth. The tension is palpable.
It didn't used to be this way. When commercial flight started it was all first class. We poor people stayed on the ground where we belong and rich people partied in the sky above the clouds with hot stewardesses in skimpy outfits and good looking young pilots. Oh whoa is me. I was born in the wrong social class AND in the wrong time.
I mean these days, why would I even bother to work hard to be rich? So I can have a bunch of commoners parading through my SECTION of the airplane? I don't think so. No, sorry, being rich these days just isn't worth it. And that, my friends, is why I'm blogging instead of working hard right now.
I'm also working on a radio story with Roman Mars for a project he's doing looking at "Snap Judgments." More on that later. Lots happening.
Tonight we have Mike E. Winfield here in Sacramento at Luna's, 1414 16th Street.
Monday, July 6, 2009
While perusing their gift shop I spotted some super realistic looking cats, like too realistic looking. "Is this some kind of cat taxidermy?" I thought. I picked one up and saw the quality assurance. This cat was made with 100% real genuine rabbit fur!
Some things are so weird the weirdness can't hit you all at once. I was halfway back to Sacramento when it occurred to me how very bizarre it is to make cats out of rabbits. They're killing a live, real animal and reassembling it's carcass to look like another animal. Amazing. They killed rabbits and made cats out of them.
To make one animal out of another is indeed the height of human ingenuity. Do me a favor though. If you see the flying saucers landing, if the aliens are invading, HIDE THE CATS MADE OF RABBITS! If an advanced civilization is assessing our value and potential I think it will be tough to explain Auschwitz, Hiroshima and the Trail of Tears but I think they will understand tribalism and warfare. I'm pretty sure cats made of rabbits will label us suitable only for soup-stock.
(For more awful things see www.TrulyAwfulStuff.com)
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
And there is positive discourse too but I get distracted from it by the dumb stuff. That should change.
Ah well. Tonight should be a fun night. I've got some great comics lined up for Comedy Night at Luna's.
The CD project is moving along. We did a photo shoot yesterday to get a pic for the inside of the CD jacket and I think we got some great photos for promotional stuff as well. Can't wait to see the pics. Thanks for sharing your opinions no the covers (see last post.) People are pretty divided, which to me says that both covers look pretty great. Irina is a wonderful designer and Kiny is one bad ass photographer.
Monday, June 29, 2009
We still need to add the label's logo and the UPC and such, but I think these look great. Which do YOU like better? Let me know in the comments. Click each image to see larger version.
This first design we'll call PINK for it's pink lettering, not for how very gay I look in the photo, otherwise they'd both be called pink.
And this design we'll call BLUE not for the fact that it's that color but for the fact that I feel so blue inside as I have never truly felt loved. :D
The replies to this one are quite exciting. I've been called an asshole, disgusting, and worse. I'm fine with people disagreeing with me, great with it in fact but it's sad that people have to make an enemy of someone who holds a different opinion than they do. I have people attacking the burqa and expecting me to defend it! I wonder if they listened to the video at all. I find the burqa offensive and oppressive but I don't think we can forbid an adult women from wearing an article of clothing. It's a dangerous precedent. This makes me an evil asshole? Oh well. Evil Asshole here saying, have a great day.
Friday, June 26, 2009
So, Michael Jackson is dead. Now that he is gone and I'm thinking back over all the amazing things he has given us, I kind of feel bad that we made such a big deal over the whole kid fucking thing.
I can't feel sad about Jackson's death so much as I feel sad about his life. He has to be one of the more extreme examples of a profoundly broken person behaving desperately. And now the pain has stopped. I have always and will continue to enjoy the amazing contributions he made to pop music and to choreography. No doubt he was one of the more talented people ever to walk (or moonwalk) this earth.
And Ed McMahon is gone too. Does the fact that he was always in trouble financially himself make it more acceptable or less so that he was part of so many schemes benefiting off the poor and gullible (Cash for Gold, Publisher's Clearing House.)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
My special guests at Comedy Night last night were a San Francisco comedy troupe called Things We Made. They were phenomenal and we had a nice full cafe to enjoy the funniness.
The "troupe" is mostly comprised of Patrick Bulger and Jesse Fernandez. Last night they were joined by the very strange and very funny DJ Real and a great stand up by the name of Joe Tobin. Last week's healdiner, Cheese also came up with them and did a set which was a pleasant surprise.
Patrick and I talked afterward and it looks likely that we'll have them back in two months with an all new show.
I did a few minutes at the top of the show doing all brand stinking new material and I was quite happy with it.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
First off, I'd say Obama is a one of the main factors behind the conflicts in Iran right now. Just as 9-11 united our country for a time against a common enemy, Bush's Axis of Evil speech and the stand off regarding nuclear weapons gave Iran their own Boogey man. It would've been downright unpatriotic for an Iranian not to support Ahmadinejad as he stared down the threatening US.
But then along comes Obama, with his goddamn respect and offer of talks and cooperation and suddenly, the Boogey man turns out to be quite nice and Iran is not so united with a bit more room for internal conflict.
If you need proof, look at the strategy Iran's supreme leader is employing, trying to blame the unrest on the west, trying to fear-monger like some kind of American Republican. I'm sure they too have a risk assessment color chart and red, white and blue is at the top of it.
The leadership there is SO desperate they're calling England a threat, ENGLAND! Like that little island can really threaten anyone in this day and age. What are they gonna do? Withhold kippers? They might attack, but not until after tea time. Sorry England, I'm kidding of course. You're really quite tough. Yes you are. Who is a tough wittle Empire? (Read that in baby talk, it's hilarious.)
Now people are bitching that Obama doesn't try a bit of force or at least some threats. Yeah, because that's worked so well in the rest of the middle east, yes? The definition of insanity that reads "Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results." would seem to apply here.
Yes, I feel sorry for the dead protesters and their families but making a lot more dead people with no solid plan and very little chance of achieving peace and democracy is not the way we make sure they didn't die in vain. I stand behind Obama's voicing of support while being very cautious with threats and action.
How many Iranian protesters are asking for us to intervene militarily anyway? Have you heard such a request? They are the ones who actually have to live with whatever comes next, I value their voice in this. And I just can't imagine them inviting us or our bombs over.
Think of it this way. When Bush stole the Presidency here, would we have welcomed some "support" from Iran? Or from anyone for that matter? No, I didn't think so. Okay, so shut up now and go turn your twitter icon green. It may not make any real difference but either will your talk of smart bombs and reckless action and it'll at least make you look cool.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I put in a few hours on editing my CD last night. So far I only cut things that obviously needed to be cut and I edited in a couple of tags from night three, (night one being my base.) Eventually I'll get to the hard part and will have to actually cut a joke or two. I want to keep it under an hour and I want it to really move and hit hard. I'm still very excited about this recording and sure that it is special but multiple listenings are allowing me to be a bit more objective and I'm seeing spots that are a bit slower, comparatively. For cutting I think it is really good to have a some folks you can trust lend an ear though as one's jokes can become quite precious. Not that I won't leave room to occasionally leave in a joke that might resonate with people longer even if it isn't the loudest laugher of the bunch.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Then I started to get longer sets. That is it's own thing. At first I just did the same thing I did with my short sets but for longer.
I have a friends who advise me but one guy in particular has been kind of coaching me. He was telling me I need to put ME into my act and to find my voice. I think I have started to find that and it's really improving my long sets. Each set is something special now and I form a strong connection with my audience.
But, now it's fucking with my short set! I learned the short set, learned the long set and now I have to relearn my short set?
But I think I have it figured out now. I think I need to do shorter jokes when I have a shorter set. Sounds simple and maybe it will be. I'll test it out. In the meanwhile I'm REALLY enjoying doing longer sets.
I'm thinking 'YEAH! Make me open!'
Nick asks if I'd mind doing five minutes. Would I mind?! No sir, I would not mind one bit. Nick checks it with Daria and mere minutes later I'm walking on stage to open the show. I went over well. I think scoring with five minutes is harder than scoring with twenty for obvious reasons but I was pleased with my set and it seemed that the audience was as well.
I brought Larry up and went to watch from the back where Norm Macdonald congratulated me on a good set. I said, "Thanks. Its an honor to work with you."
"Well, yeah, I don't know about that but you did good."
He laughed a lot and once even heckled during Larry's set. Then he went on stage and turned in the best stand up comedy set I've seen in ages. I knew he'd be good but he was so good. I think its time for another HBO special. Amazing.
The next night I got to do a few minutes with Mike E. Winfield at Punch Line and then to Oakland to do a show with Eric Cash, Greg Edwards and Sean Keane. My friend Samson Koletkar produces the show with Joe Gleckler.
A busy week. Looking forward to a little bit of rest before The Coexist? Comedy Tour kicks back into high gear.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Now sure, it was a small audience and it was stacked in my favor as it is my hometown, but it felt great. I had a really good set and am stoked that it is all on tape.
I am going to quickly write about my strategy here. If it succeeds this post will be of interest later. If not, it will be lost on the infinite geography of the internet.
Comedy has genres, just as music does. A Dane Cook fan may not care for Larry the Cable Guy, whose fans might not get Steve Wright whose fans may not dig Kat Williams. I do know individuals who like all four (for the record I like two of 'em) but they're rare exceptions. Each comic has their crowd.
The genres, like in music, can be tough to define sometimes. Blue Collar, Def Jam or Urban, Cafe, Alternative, Club, lots of terms have been thrown about. I could go on all day about these genres, but later...
I went into the open mic scene which is an awesome free for all. I had a blast but then I started getting professional bookings and I realized I would need to cater to a crowd that was drawn by the headliner. A crowd who might be from a totally different world than me. This can be a great thing. You learn what is universally funny, you learn how to take a crowd and show them something that might be new to them and send them away having experienced a new way of thinking.
I fear though, that a comic can also lose his unique voice if he does too much of this kind of performing. I decided that I wanted to build an audience for myself sooner rather than later and so I left the club scene and started my own room in a cafe. Then I started my own tour.
At this point what started as an artistic strategy became a business strategy. This tour brought me back into clubs and was giving me some credential. I have started accepting club bookings again and, again I enjoy working before diverse crowds who may be very different from "my" crowd. I want to skip a stage though. I don't want to claw my way up from opener/emcee gigs to the feature gigs.
So, I booked myself into the Cafe and did a headliner length set and taped it. I will use the video clips and the CD to build my audience, locally but also internationally, via youtube and selling CDs. I've been doing this already and have a head start, but all of my material has been based on my being an atheist, and now I'm ready to go after a much broader demographic (while staying loyal to my original base. I won't be dropping the atheist material.)
My hope is that by popularizing myself performing in a higher position I will establish that this higher position is where I belong and I hope that I will bring MY audience in to the club, wherever that club may be. It's already working a bit. When my Coexist? Comedy Tour went to the LA Improv a kid approached me in the bar and wanted his picture with me. He knew me from youtube.
Television changed the game as did records, cable tv and every other innovation that has come along. Now youtube is the most powerful weapon an upstart has and I plan to use it well. We'll see how it works. Wish me luck.
Just for the record, many disagree with me vehemently about the genres. "A real comic can make ANYONE laugh." I'm told. Some comics feel strongly enough about this they get pissed at my desire to target an audience instead of just going after the audience that is already in the clubs waiting for the next comic superstar to go up in front of them.
I don't see why my view should be controversial. Would it be controversial if I suggested that the experimental noise musician might be unwise to think he will get his start playing the country western bar?
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Click image for bigger version
Keith Lowell Jensen
of The Coexist? Comedy tour
Live CD Recording
1414 16th Street
Doors open for food and drinks 7pm, comedy starts at 8pm
April 17th KLJ does material from his club set i.e. jokes for drunks
April 18th Atheist comedian engages in a bit of sacred cow tipping
April 24th Experimental night, notes on stage, new material, riffing, drinking too much coffee
Tickets available now at brownpapertickets.com
Keith Lowell Jensen, co-headliner of The Coexist? Comedy Tour, featured guest on Brian Malow's Science Comedy Tour and one of Sacramento's best known comics will spend three nights taping original material at Luna's Cafe in downtown Sacramento for an upcoming CD.
The taping is divided into three categories over three nights, club comedy, atheist/religious themed comedy and the third night will be the wild card leaving room for KLJ to riff, ramble and if need be, totally make an ass out of himself because he already has two nights of tape so to heck with it right?
Doors open for food and drinks at 7pm, comedy starts at 8pm. The audience is invited to come early as service will be limited during taping and we'd like everyone well fed and at least a little bit tipsy.
Note this is a small venue and WILL sell out quickly. Buying tickets in advance is the only way to guarantee a seat.