Monday, January 18, 2016

Bad Comedy For Bad People, live taping

Tickets are up for sale!
My event page at the venue's website isn't built yet, so you have to look at the events by date page and click "Buy" on Bad Comedy For Bad People, Feb, 27th.
It is assigned seating, so act quick to get the best seats, though honestly, there isn't a bad seat in this venue.

Monday, January 11, 2016

When I as a kid, if you liked Bowie, we could be friends

I first heard David Bowie when my brother said, "Hey check out this video. This dude totally kisses another dude!" That was DJ from Lodger.

Later I would roller skate to Let's Dance, and China Girl.

I remember the Halloween my brother John dressed as Screaming Lord Byron from the video for Blue Jean.

My family split in half when we came to Northern California and my three older brothers stayed behind. On my first visit back I was left alone with my brother Erick's records. I played Space Oddity over and over.

My brother Edward came up to stay with us for awhile in Roseville and we'd sit in the garage so he could smoke. We'd play Changes over and over. That Christmas Edward gave me copies of Lodger and Never Let Me Down on cassette tape.

I was having a hard time making friends in Roseville, but when another kid complimented my David Bowie t-shirt I invited him over to watch Labrynth on cable. That's how Billy Russell became my best friend.

When I met Bryna, Hunky Dory (the first album she bought with her own money as a kid) was on constant rotation.

Then I lived with Chris Sirhc and much Bowie was played, particularly The Man Who Sold The World.

Just recently I went though his entire catalog in order and renewed my fandom discovering much in his later albums to love, particularly Earthling.

My boss and I bonded over a mutual love of all things Bowie.

Just yesterday I told my wife I'd play the new album for her on Spotify.

I thought we'd have Bowie in our world a lot longer. He's always been there, patron saint of freaks. It's hard to imagine that he's gone and impossible to express just what he has meant to us.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Pretty Rough

Last night Johnny Taylor Jr. and I performed at The Crocker Art Museum. Yeah, we fancy. At the early show half the audience was really into it, and the other seemed like maybe they were checking out stand up comedy for the first time, now that it was in a real center of culture and all.

In between shows, I was confronted by an older woman who told me, "Your jokes were pretty rough."
I asked her, "What do you mean by rough?"
"Well you were talking about penises and bananas with condoms on them and a little boy."
I said, "Woah!!! That is a gross misrepresentation of that joke! I told a true story about trying to be responsible, making sure my 13 year old nephew had information about safe sex."
"Why? Why would you tell a 13 year old those things?" she asked, with dismay in her voice.
"As I said in the joke, this 13 year old, we were led to believe, was sexually active. And it's just information. Kids should have information. I'm actually really proud of that joke and how graphic it is in the information it shares."
"You should have just told him not to do it."
"Not to do it!? That doesn't work! The people in those flyover states that we don't care about, they were gracious enough to do an experiment with abstinence only education and guess what, their teen pregnancy and STD rates are off the charts, but listen, I don't think you object to my comedy. I think we have a philosophical difference and you're mad that my act didn't cater specifically to your beliefs."
She snapped back, "You don't even know me!"
I said, "Yeah! Which is why it's so absurd for you to think my act was gonna be tailor made for you. Listen, you look around this museum. You're gonna see a lot of art, and some of it you're not gonna like and the artists... they're probably not going to care what you think. It's been a pleasure talking to you."

The second show we straight murdered.

Monday, November 16, 2015

See a penny, pick it up...

I'm a skeptic.
This doesn't mean I'm completely immune to they psychological effects of superstition.
Walking down the street, I spied a quarter. I picked it up. I put it in my pocket. I went on to have a really terrible 24 hours, just the worst day.
I was grumbling back down the same street where I'd found the quarter the day before, and when I came to the spot where the quarter had been, I stopped, took it out of my pocket and placed it right back again where I'd found it.
The streak of misery ended.
Over the next year I probably passed up a good couple of cups of coffee worth of change as I refused to pick up abandoned coinage on my frequent walks. I'd tricked my brain into shaking off the negativity but had picked up a superstition in the process.
Then I started picking up coins again.
You see, I'd had another bad day, and found myself wishing I had a bad luck quarter in my pocket so that I could put it back where I got it and get myself back on the right track.

Monday, September 21, 2015

This Bernie Supporter's Ten Honest Answers to Ten Honest Questions

I found this article titled:

Ten honest questions I’d like every Bernie Sanders supporter to answer

1. If Elizabeth Warren were in the race, most of you would be supporting her instead. If neither Warren nor Bernie were in the race, most of you would be supporting Martin O’Malley despite knowing nothing about him. How are we supposed to take your endorsement of Bernie seriously when you appear to be simply backing him because he’s not Hillary?

Yeah, if Warren were in I'd support her. I'd support Hillary before O'Malley though. But I imagine there are people who'd prefer O'Malley to Hillary. It's almost like people are voting for the person who best represents their views and Hillary might not be in the top 3 positions on that list for some of them. 

2. Do you honestly believe that Bernie would do well with foreign policy? Do you think he’d really be able to get congressmen of either party to vote for any of his initiatives once they see that he’s not willing to compromise even a little? Are you envisioning a scenario in which President Bernie would be able to get anything accomplished at all? Even his most prominent supporters like Noam Chomsky have acknowledged he would get nothing done in office. Are you so enamored with the very idea of a protest candidate winning, you wouldn’t care that he’d be ineffective?

I'm a bit emboldened perhaps by Obama getting as much done as he has even with the House and Senate he has, but I suggest you look into Bernie's history or even just listen to him more than you seem to have. He is an adept politician, no stranger to politics or to compromise.
And to be honest, I'm more concerned about what he'd stop from happening at this point given the extreme platform of the modern GOP. 

3. Are you unable to understand national polls, or do you just like to ignore them because they reveal that your guy is losing by thirty-eight points within his own party?

Do you just pick your candidate by who seems to be winning? Bernie has been gaining ground. He may win a couple of early primaries and the effect of that might further close that gap on the national scene. Or I might campaign for the candidate I am passionate about, and if he loses, take the loss like an adult and decide what to do from there.

4. Are you under the impression that the people showing up to Bernie’s rallies each get more than one vote? Is that how you think he closes the gap? Or have you intentionally saturated yourself so thoroughly with people voting for your guy that you’ve honestly forgotten the vast majority of the nation says they favor someone else?

Yes. OMG? You mean, you don't get extra votes when you attend a Bernie rally? WTF?! (See answer to #3, and quit being an asshole.)

5. Do you understand that Bernie’s refusal to take traditional SuperPAC money means that even if he did get the nomination, he’d be outspent ten to one by his republican opponent? Are you aware that moderates and undecideds make their decisions based primarily on television ads, which are the most expensive part of any campaign? Do you get that nearly every ad would be for the republican? Do you get that he’d almost certainly lose? Would you really rather Bernie get the nomination and lose, than Hillary get the nomination and win? Because that’s how it looks to the rest of us.

Yeah. We understand. Do you get that for many of us it's one our favorite things about him, and that the world is changing fast? We are becoming the media. The GOP is not putting forward a serious candidate. If ever there was a time when this could happen it's now, (and also several other times in a our history when a dark horse candidate won.)
Are YOU suggesting the Democratic establishment as well as all the registered Democrats aren't going to pull together behind Bernie if he gets the nomination? 

6. Why do you spend more time pushing crazy lies about Hillary than you do talking up Bernie’s ideas? Bernie himself has made it clear that he thinks highly of Hillary, and he scolds any reporters who try to get him to trash her. If you’re primarily supporting him because you think lowly of her, have you considered the extent of the disconnect between you and your candidate? Has it occurred to you that if Bernie heard you talking about Hillary the way you talk about her, he’d angrily tell you off?

But I don't. I actually follow Bernie's lead on this one. As do most of his supporters. Why would you let the loudest and most obnoxious followers of any group represent the majority? 

7. Do you really think that Bernie’s strong showing in New Hampshire, a tiny state five minutes from where he lives, where he’s been locally popular for decades, is representative of the nation? Do you really think that New Hampshire’s four electoral votes will make a difference in this primary? And again, do you not know how to read national polls, or do you just like ignoring them because those polls reveal that your guy’s candidacy is already finished?

This should have been 8 (sort of) Honest Questions, since this is the third time you're asking this one. I'm curious why you're so interested in what we think if you're so sure this race is already over...

8. Do you get that you’re supporting Bernie for essentially the same reason that conservatives are supporting Donald Trump? Do you realize that both men are basing their campaigns entirely on “government sucks, the system sucks, both parties suck, politicians are idiots and a trained rat could do better, and I’m just that trained rat.” Do you not understand the parallels between your desire to stomp your feet at Bernie’s generic indignance, and conservatives’s desire to stomp their feet at Trump’s generic indignance? Does that not embarrass you?

Do you get that Bernie is a life long politician? Do you? 

9. Most of you supporting Bernie are also fans of Obama. Seeing how Obama has all but endorsed Hillary, and how Obama sees her as his natural successor, don’t you find it odd that you’re instead rooting against her – even as you still try to take credit for supporting Obama? How does that make you any different from the republicans who try to take credit for Obama’s accomplishments while insisting he should be replaced by republican?

I disagree with Obama on many things. I am a fan of some of his stances and accomplishments. It's almost like I have a nuanced view and it's not a "For him or against him" situation. I'm also not rooting against Hillary. I have some problems with Bernie's voting record. A few. I have many more with Hillary's. If she becomes the nominee I will vote for her as I believe she is better than anyone the GOP is offering up, by far. I'm very glad that Bernie, and more importantly the support he's garnered, is pushing her further to the left. 

10. And the only question that truly matters: when Hillary becomes the democratic party nominee, will you pout and stay home on election day and hand the nation back to the republicans? Or will you show up and vote for Hillary because you know she’s the far better of the two candidates? While none of us understand why you’re supporting a less-qualified protest candidate whose ideas aren’t realistic and who can’t win anyway, we’re really only going to judge you based on what you do on election day. So when it’s Hillary vs Jeb TrumpCruz, what’s it going to be?

If those are my choices, I will vote for Hillary. You're worried about her beating them even as you're so sure of her beating Sanders? Weird. 

Friday, September 11, 2015

Delivery: Comedy fresh to you

  • Having a night in with your favorite guy or gal?
  • Need to spice up a party?
  • Tired of your spouse’s lame old jokes?
  • Or just sitting at home feeling lonely?
Order a comedy show!
It’s affordable! It’s easy!
Call and order a comedy show today.

Keith Lowell Jensen and Johnny Taylor will come to you with a 20 minute stand up comedy show. We provide the sound, the lights, and the hilariousness. All you do is sit back and laugh.

Funny Comedy Subjects include:
  • Anxiety!
  • Despair!
  • Suicidal Impulses!
  • Cute Kids Saying The Darndest Things!
  • Farts!
Order Now! 
Dates currently available: November 6, November 7
6pm - 2am
Now taking orders for November 6th, 7th, Sacramento:
Call/text: 470.839.joke
(Ask about our VIP package.)
Delivery zone includes the following zip codes: 95811, 95814, 95816, 95818, 95817, 95819

Just $20! 
Yes, you read that right! Just $20 will bring the awesomeness to your couch, backyard, garage, tool shed, trailer, van, etc.
(Tips cheerfully accepted)

Friday, August 21, 2015

I will deliver

I don't have a gig tonight, SO...

I will deliver.

If you live within a few minutes of the downtown/midtown Sacramento area. I will drive further for large orders.

You may order any of my DVDs or CDs and I will deliver them to you, and take a picture with you.

No delivery fee, though I do accept tips.

Deliveries start at 8pm. I accept cash, checks, all major credit cards.

Yes. This is silly, but I totally mean it.

To The Moon, CD: My first album, recorded at Luna's about 5 years ago $10

Cats Made of Rabbits, CD or DVD, recorded at The Sacramento Comedy Spot $10 or $15

Elf Orgy, CD, recorded at SF Punch Line $10

Atheist Christmas, CD and DVD, my latest, 2 full shows, recorded at SF Punch Line San Francisco and Sac Comedy Spot. $15

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Happy Louis Armstrong's Birthday!

It's Louis Armstrong's Birthday... probably.

Here are just a few of the reasons why he was one of the coolest people ever.

1. Played with such beauty, heart, and soul he could actually play the racism out of a person's heart. No, for real. A lawyer involved in Brown VS Board of Education describes how hearing Armstrong play changed his views forever. Read more here:

2. He was being sent around the world by the State Dept. as a musical ambassador but cancelled a tour of The Soviet Union, criticizing Eisenhower's handling of desegregation in Little Rock. He used very strong language and took much heat for it, but refused to back down.
3. Upon being told his racially integrated band could not play in his home town of New Orleans, he announced he'd never play there again, and would not be buried there either.

4. When doctors told him it was time to retire, he said no. It seems he didn't see much point in living a bit longer if it was to be without playing music.

5. West End Blues. Possibly the most influential jazz recording of all time.

Pops, Dipper, Satch, Satchmo, Satchelmouth Louis Armstrong. I'll be listening to him all day. I hope you'll join me. Feel free to share your favorite songs of his in the comments.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

How Patreon Works

My audience is spread out over the globe. I'm stoked when I can actually reach people to perform live, but there's only so much of that I can do, what with me actually wanting to be present for my kid's childhood and all. Youtube is a great way for me to entertain beyond where I can physically reach, and Patreon is a great way to actually make a career out of that.

The way Patreon works:

People sign up to be patrons, and pledge to pay me every time I upload a stand up comedy video. Usually, a buck a video. Everyone gets to see the stand up videos, whether they sponsor me or not. It just allows those who can and want to help out to do so.

Patrons can limit how much they get billed a month. I aim to make 4 videos a month. You can limit your pay out to $4 max a month, you can even limit it to $1 max a month.

As a reward I post one video a month (or more) just for Patrons, and I don't charge for that one.

I like living in the future.

You can find my Patreon page at:
Check out my stand up videos at:

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Banana Story

I'm getting weekly videos up online again. You can help keep this happenings, and help improve the quality, and also get to see exclusive content. More information at Http://