Blue

Having another of those "How the hell did I end up here?" kinda days.
Being dependent on my job for healthcare is still hard for me to deal with. I feel less free to take risks now that I need prescriptions medicines to keep me healthy, not they work all that well. Sometimes I feel like saying, hey, pull my freakin' colon out, keep it, and be done with it. But I guess it would be pretty naive to think that you just walk away from a colonectomy and never look back. In fact I'm sure there's all manner of drugs after such an operation. (Oh, and for those of you close to me, don't worry. I'm just being a drama queen, I'm nowhere near the surgery stage in my illness. I promise.)

I never did get to Europe. I hardly ever go camping or road tripping any more. I guess these are the things bumming me out at the moment. Feeling like I have settled into a boring and predictable routine with a non rewarding job and weekends around the house, which isn't even a house but a little apartment.

And of course there's an easy solution. I think I'll see about helping out at The Horse Cow this weekend or next and maybe camp out by the river while I do it. Yeah, that's what I'll do, and I'll quit whining on my blog then, yes I will.