Sunday, March 6, 2011

Birthday Weekend Craziness

Doug Stanhope and I at Marilyn's, Sacramento
Wednesday my weekly show in Sacramento was lightly attended which happens sometimes and I don't mind. I make a mental note to ramp up promotions and then I enjoy a small intimate audience. I dropped my material and just told stories of accidentally becoming a gangster and of teaching my stoner friends in High School the principle of "nature abhors a vacuum" using a gravity bong. Great times. Kristee Ono and Conrad Roth were our featured comics and they too went with the small crowd vibe and had a great time.

Thursday I headed to The Improv in San Jose to feature for Doug Stanhope. I did my twenty minutes with a couple of generous applause breaks lots of laughs and ended on a huge round of laughs and applause with my now well aged but new to them, knock-knock joke. I sold a great amount of merch, signed autographs and was fawned over much to my ego's delight.

Got to hang out with Stanhope and his too awesome for words girlfriend Bingo at the hotel piano bar while very drunk and very strange fans, including a tabloid class plastic surgery junkie in stilt like stilettos that I'm pretty sure were designed to be displayed and not worn much less walked in, milled about making the evening a bit surreal since we were sitting amongst a bunch of conventioneers while being serenaded by a cheesy, pompadoured jazz crooner.

I spent the night in a suite at The Fairmont feeling quite pampered. Two baths before check out in that deep tub was the high-lite of my stay. Being unable to bring myself to change the channel after stumbling on Girls Gone Wild the TV show the low point.

I drove home, did some work, got a nap, and then headed to Marilyn's on K for the Sacramento show with Doug Stanhope. Crazy audience, birthday girl telling Bingo to fuck off before the show had even started and then splitting before Doug had a chance to slaughter her from on stage, fights in the crowd during the show, more drinks being sent to the stage then Stanhope was able to keep up with, which is ALOT of drinks and again I sold much merch. A guy who bought my CD at the San Jose show bought three more at The Sacramento show because he liked it enough to buy copies for his friends. He paid with a hundred dollar bill and told me to keep that change. That certainly should happen more.

Doug said he had no use for comics who celebrate birthdays. "Every night is our birthday. We go to a bar, drink with friends, are the center of attention." I agreed and told him my birthday wish to my wife was to sleep in and then have a nice breakfast.

I dropped Doug and Bingo off at their hotel. Doug said I was really funny and that Nick Pettigrew who I'd invited to open the show was as well. He said that he'd resisted posting it on his facebook but that if someone should say that he said a certain teenage comic was a cunt he wouldn't deny it.

Marquee at "A Magic Place" in Galt

Saturday, my birthday, Galt with Michael O' Connell and Mark Pitta. The venue is a bouncy house kids place by day with a used book store inside, video games, a photo studio in one corner, magic shows on other nights (and a magician emcee hosting our show.) It's like Galt having nothing inspired one man to give them everything and put it all in one warehouse.

Popular talk radio host Don Geronimo had mentioned the show on air making reference to a paraplegic comic (Michael is not a paraplegic but is in a wheelchair as he has MD) and an atheist comic (which is technically me though I don't do much religious or anti-religious comedy unless I'm booked to or it's a show that I'm headlining). I became very nervous as a lot of skinhead looking guys rolled in carrying cases of beer, well the case that one brand of beer had come in with other brands dumped in it as if they emptied their 'fridge into an old empty box and said "Let's go see some got-dang comedy." I saw two of these guys pointing at me and talking probably saying "I think that's the comedian." or maybe even "That guy looks gay." but I imagined they were saying "That's that atheist we're going to skin, cook and eat." I went on stage made the whole audience laugh with some jokes made the younger half of the audience laugh with most of my jokes and as soon as I got off stage a woman approached me and bought two CDs. I sold a gang more CDs, got picked up on by very curvy young woman who then picked up on Michael and finally went home with the gentleman who'd brought her. Mark had a fantastic set including accepting two Vicodin from an audience member and stopping to ask the strength of them only after swallowing. 500 mg each. Is that a lot. I smoked a nice cigar that Michael had given me for my birthday and had a really polite and funny (laughing with not at) political conversation with someone from a military background and completely different outlook than me which I loved. It was a great night.

My birthday wish came true. Slept late, went to eat at Sugar Plum Vegan with my Bryna and Maxine. Went to the fish store and my wife picked out a new beta and came home to a bath and new comic books. It's going to be a great year. Next week I perform with Joan Rivers.

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