Thursday, November 30, 2006

I Am Diseased

Having a disease should be glamorous and dramatic, a bit sexy even. I should be sitting in bed, with beautiful large eyes peering at you from my rapidly shrinking body, full of love and wisdom, eliciting sympathy and tenderness from all. I would be strong, inspiring in my strength in fact.

"He's a fighter that Keith Lowell Jensen. I'm sure he'll make it

That's what having a disease should look like. That and sponge baths from cute nurses. So what the hell's up with what I got?

I crap a-lot, I can't eat much and they keep pumping me full of drugs. I just got rejected for short term disability insurance. That's what's really setting me off. It was so depressing to look down at that piece of paper, brought to me by the mail man. There it was:

"Rejected. Reason; Ulcerative Colitis."

Screw those bastards. They won't insure me because I may actually need the insurance.

Packing to go down to LA has me a bit bummed as well. I'm packing four different kinds of pills and some enemas. That should look great going through security. I'm like an old person. I even got a little pill fob key-chain so I can keep my drugs on me at all times.

Oh well. I'm sure if I whine enough I can probably get Bryna to put on a nurses outfit and make with a sponge bath. (Disclaimer: Whining will not really earn you such attention. I advise another approach. Seriously.)

On the bright side, I have an excuse to run this cheesy as hell "sexy" nurse pic and that should score me some search engine hits for sure.

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