Sunday, April 9, 2006

A post about pooing

So, if you don't want to read about pooing, just move on.

I'm feeling much better. As I'd mentioned before my cold triggered my Ulcerative Colitis, or something did at any rate and suddenly I was spending all my time in the bathroom poopin' soup. Sorry to be crass but how does one gracefully describe Niagra Falls coming out their ass. I was eating mostly nothing so it was amazing how much kept coming out of me. Where the hell was it coming from. The worst part is the blood. Since developing symptoms of U.C. I've had to engage in the lovely habbit of looking when I wipe and looking before I flush, and now that looking was letting me know that my colon was bleeding again.

By day two I was rushing to the bathroom and finding that I was indeed empty. It felt much like dry heaves as my colon tried to expel what apparently was not there. It hurt and it exhausted me. The drug that I take for this condition, amusingly called asacol, is coated in a hard shell meant to not disolve until reaching the colon. I started noticing whole pills in the toilet. It was skipping right through me. How could it disolve in my colon when nothing would stay in my colon. The doctor prescribed the same medicine in enema form. My colon wouldn't hold onto it, no matter how it got there.

I decided to try this whole foods approach from a book I got written by some flakey foont. I figured it was worth a go, what did I have to lose? So bananas and pears became my breakfast and steamed vegetables my dinner. At first it was nice. I appreciated the subtle flavors of these foods with no sauce, garlic, salt or anything else to distract from their natural flavors. That lasted through one meal. by day two I was thoroughly sick of it all. I never wanted to see another vegetable.

I had an accupuncture appointment but it offered no relief.

I was running out of alternative therapies to try and this needed to stop. I did not, and do not want to go on the 6MP drug that is at the bottom of my list of treatments. Harsh pharmaceuticals are not my thing, but something had to be done and soon. I couldn't go on like this.

Depressed, frustrated, angry and desperate I finally gave in and paid the $70 for a ten day supply of a probiotic called VSL#3. I'd been trying to get my insurance to cover it and after a snotty operator informed me that her supervisor wouldn't do anything for me (Never tell me what your supervisor will do. I want to hear it from the supervisor. That's why I asked for them.) the supervisor was very helpful and assisted me in filing an appeal for coverage. It would be some time until I got the results. For now I marched down to Safeway and had their pharmacist order me the VSL#3.

It seems to be working miracles. I was almost instantly feeling better. Of course it could be the diet starting to work but I don't think so. I'm staying to the diet for a while though, to be on the safe side. Yech.

I had my first solid poo in days on Friday. I was at work so I told my boss about it and got a high five. I had some explosive movements later the same day but nothing like before. Since then I've seen a little blood and I've had monstrous flatulence but things are definately improving. And the asacol pills now have time to disolve so the medicine is being allowed to do its job as well. In a few months, or maybe a year I'll decide if the VSL#3 is the miracle worker that it seems to be. For now I'm happy to be makin' logs and feeling better.

Update December 3, 06: The VSL 3 didn't continue to work for me. It may for you, it's worth trying. My doctor doesn't understand what makes it worth any more than a really good strong probiotic from the healthfood store. I don't know. I suspect that mold in my apartment is complicating my condition, so I will try all theses "remedies" again after I find a new place to live.

I'M SO DAMN HUNGRY. I WANT GARLIC FRIES AND PIZZA AND OTHER YUMMY THINGS THAT MAKE COLONS CRY! ! !

2 comments:

Jason_Alley said...

Damn, dude. Glad you're feeling better - hooray for logs!

Keith Lowell Jensen said...

Oh yeah.
I was SOOOO relieved to look down and see those two beautiful little logs lying there, I can't even tell you. I thought about scooping 'em out and keeping 'em, but decided I enjoyed having a girlfriend and friends and family members who still speak to me most of the time.