Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Adventures in LA

After watching Brett deal with the Country Music Television people I was ready for the worst from the Spike TV People. The CMT camera man and the producer kept fighting and they wanted to see Brett's reptiles eating rats and looking mean. If the Lizard Boy could've gotten his tortoise to drive over the black throat monitor in a little monster truck I'm sure they'd have been stoked.

Super Delicious, who are producing Manswers for Spike TV sent a driver to pick us up and he seemed really nice, as did the driver who'd gotten me from the airport (I love getting off the plane and seeing someone holding a sign with my name on it; makes me feel like a big shot.) Their offices were just a few minutes from Wilton Place. We checked in, signed some realeses and then went around the corner for burritos while the Super Delicious crew grabbed their own lunch break. Typical "hurry up and wait" approach to TV production. Outside their studios/offices we found this 10% billboard, and couldn't resist the photo op.

The guest who'd been interviewed before me was still there when we got back. She was a woman whose breasts were each bigger than my whole body, standing in stilt like lucite stripper shoes. She looked really really tired. I got a picture with her, and with her shoes and found her to be sweet and friendly but her husband/pimp was a real tool. He barked orders at her and called her a dummy. Sad.

Then the interview. We went around the corner and did the interview next to some sleeping bags and what not. Apparently we were at a homeless camp of some sort. The interview wasn't like the Mancow interviews, which is what I expected. I actually got to speak and the questions were pretty intelligent. We had to stop a few times as helicopters flew over and guys with big bass boom boom speakers drove by. Then of course there are the guys who just yell when they pass a camera crew. I imagine they then go home and get a high five from a fellow sexually repressed roommate as they proudly exclaim "DUDE! I totally interrupted a television shoot!" Oh well.

After the interview came the real fun. They shot a good twenty minutes of me panhandling. I was not on a good corner. The light stayed green too long and then didn't stay red long at all so I didn't have a captive audience. I hammed it up though. I used the "Atheist, will convert for food or $. God Bless?" sign, at their request and I was even hitting up school kids as they walked by. "Hey, Kid, you got a dollar?" Highlights for me were panhandling a school bus and getting $5 and a hug from a guy who didn't speak. I made $6 and change and then we called it quits.

The people at Super Delicious really impressed me. They were all really friendly and smart and a pleasure to work with. Brett handed out a-lot of Lizard Boy magnets and I'd love to see them do something with him. We're both convinced that Wilton Place would be the ultimate reality show. The guy who drove us home, (Dan?) came up and saw Brett's animals. Maybe he'll go back and tell everyone how cool the place is. Manswers debuts in February and I will be in one of the first few episodes I believe. I'll give more exact information when I get it.

The rest of the weekend was spent doing reptile shows with Brett. We were hit on by drunk housewives, one of whom did a little slither for us, very cute. Another party featured a crew of anorexic women of different ethnicities. Interesting how Black, Mexican, White, Indian all becomes LA Wealthy. Their clothes and lack of nutritional fullfilment united them as a cultural group more than ethnicity ever could. I can't believe Brett get's $200 an hour to show his pets to kids. It's the funnest way to make craploads of money ever. And that's not counting the tips!

Sunday night is BBQ night at Wilton Place. My friend Jeff who moved to LA from Sacramento a few years back came by early and stayed for just a few minutes. Another buddy Jesse showed up a bit later with a couple of his friends who'd also relocated from Sac. Finally my friend Monica came by. She has almost as cool of a gig as Brett. Monica teaches people to cook and she's very successful at it. Her Sweet Pea was wandering around trying to find us and all the drunk Wilton Place BBQers were calling out, "Sweet Pea, SWEET PEA!" to guide him in. Brett's the greatest friend to let me have so many of my friends come by his place. It was way cooler than meeting at a restraraunt. We BBQ'd portabello mushrooms, asparagus, bell peppers and garlic bread, yes, garlic bread. BBQ bread is awesome. I made chocolate chip cookies (in the oven. Not ready to do BBQ cookies yet) and the Swede, watching Brett and I cook decided we are a "cute couple."

At 5:30 am we made our way out to catch my plane home and people were still up laughing in a couple of the apartments. It hurts me to leave Wilton Place. I hope I get to return soon.


Anonymous said...

Keith, that photo of you in front of the billboard should have been taken from about two big steps to the right. That way you could have made it look like one of those huge poles (tree trunks, whatever) was growing out of the billboard model's crotch.

Sounds like you had shits & giggles there. Good times.
bob wong

Keith Lowell Jensen said...

You're right, that would've made for a better photo.
Yeah, I had a GREAT time there. I absolutely love visiting LA mostly because Brett's place is so much fun.

Maribel said...

your bbq description made me drool. I love mushrooms esp. grilled.
And those pics with the big boobie lady are too funny.

Lizards are cool, I want to get an iguana when I have the time, err space, umm money....agh I'll get an ant farm instead.

Keith Lowell Jensen said...

Thanks Mari,
I'd think long and hard before getting an iquana. Depsite being a very popular reptile pet they are one of the more difficult to keep. They get huge and are often unpredictable.
I prefer bearded dragons and if you don't mind lots of heating bills the Euramastyx is a favorite, very personable.
A good cheap option with lots of personality is the leopard gecko. They don't need a lot of space and they're loads of fun.
Feel free to write to lizard boy, www.lizardboyzoo.com if you get serious about getting a new pet. He's kept just about everything you can keep.

Anonymous said...

I love the part about the anorexic women. Sad but true.

See Ya!


Keith Lowell Jensen said...

Glad ya loved it. It was pretty freaky for sure.

ScottMon said...

"Atheist, will convert for Food or Money?"

Thats funny!

Keith Lowell Jensen said...

Originally I panhandled with that sign outside of Capitol Christian Center.