Pacific NorthWest Roadtrip part one

(I'll add links and pictures later, so check back.)

Brett arrived late Sunday and then stayed up till the wee hours of morning gabbing with my sweetheart Bryna, while I tried to get some sleep. I woke everyone up at 6am Monday, we had coffee and by 7am we were driving I-5 toward Portland.

Talking, playing great tunes on Brett's new I-pod and stopping of for Thai Food in Ashland, the drive was fun and gorgeous but soooo long. By the time we reached Bob and Irina's place in Portland we were slap happy, drunk on driving, giggly and silly and not fit to be out in public. I had a shower, called my friend Allegra and we all went out to eat, more Thai food.

Allegra was delightful. I was worried that Brett and I would be a bit much as we really were quite obnoxious after being caged for so many hours, but we all had a fun time Bob told a hillarious story. It seems the first person they ran into that they knew after relocating from Sacramento to Portland was a girl who had been in one of Bob's early films. She'd been in a scene with another girl, and a naked Bob. Now, Bob makes no budget art films, no porno, in case you were getting the wrong idea. He may as well have been a porn director though from the "Oh my god, I so don't want to be running into you again EVER." reaction he got from the girl who was out with a man, possible a boyfriend or even husband. Welcome to Portland Bob.

Portland is such a pretty town. I woke Tuesday up with a bit of a headache, (a glass more wine than I need the night before which will surprise those that know me, as I rarely have more than a half a glass these days.) After doing a bit of writing (See North Korea and Live Links below) I made everyone else get up and we went out for coffee. Bob and Irina then took us out clothes shopping and book shopping and Maya Bar Shopping. I'm completely addicted to Maya Bars now.

A couple of parking tickets later and then back to our hosts' really cool new house. We put together some directions, said goodbye and headed off to The Farm, a restraraunt where Allegra waits tables. An awesom meal of Salmon and Greens for me and heirloom tomatoes for Brett. My god heirloom tomatoes are tasty.

Back on I-5 toward Seattle where we would stay at the downtown Hostel. This drive was much shorter, maybe three hours. After checking in, dropping off our luggage and checking my e-mail we headed out. I told Brett that there was a Lusty Lady right around the corner from the hostel and he was interested in checking it out. Brett's recently divorced and he was very interested in participating in some boy type activities, you know, hitting each other, drinking, looking at naked women, that sort of stuff.

The Lusty in Seattle looks just like the one in SF. Booths surround a main stage. You drop in a buck and you're granted a view of three or four women dancing about without their clothes. My window came up and an unattractive and quite clumsy woman made her way to my window. I felt bad. I wish I could find everyone beautiful but this woman was not someone I felt like objectifying, especially not when I was paying for the privelidge. A friend of mine has an annoying habit of telling me "All women are beautiful" whenever I mention that a specific woman is beautiful. Now when I see a pretty woman I tell him "She stimulates my breeding impulse." The woman almost falling down in front of me, smiling to show off missing teeth, did not stimulate my breeding impulse. I let the dollar run down, the window went dark and I switched booths.

Another dollar disappeared and a very attractive red-head came to dance in front of my window. The first woman moved over to a new window. The red-head danced, I smiled and then she looked down at my crotch and raised her eyebrows. I wasn't interested in doing anything down there. She looked again, cocked her head and smiling, raised her eyebrows suggestively once more. I smiled back and my hands remained at my side. To my surprise, she looked insulted and moved to a new window. I never even had the chance to give her the "It's not you, it's me." speech.

Waiting outside for Brett I got in some great people watching. A couple passed holding hands. The man slowed and looked in the door. His companion kept her head facing forward. He stopped. "Hey, you want to go in there?" he asked.

"No, I do not." She answered incredulously.

"I was just kidding."

Poor sap, afraid of his own wants. Brett came out, and it seems he'd had decent luck with his first dollar so he'd popped in a fiver. That's when she of the bad dental plan settled on his window.

"She stayed there through the whole five bucks! I looked a way, I tried to see around her, she refused to take a hint that I wasn't interested in her. It seemed rude to leave before the five bucks winded down so I was stuck there."

I laughed at Brett, whose bad luck was just beginning. Back at the hostel, where we were stayingin a dorm style room with at least ten beds, somebody was asleep in his bed, and it weren't Goldilocks neighther. He woke the guy up.

"Hey, buddy, you're in my bed."

"Yeah, somebody was in my bed earlier and I think they're coming back."

Brett was going to go down to the front counter, but he changed his mind. "You know, that's not really my problem. I have to get up early and I want my bed."

The man was agitated. "Yeah, I have to get up early too! I didn't want to be rude and wake the other guy up like you're waking me up."

It was bad enough he was being an ass, he was also flashing his ass. He backed off the bunk bed, his large white ass shining in my face and HE HAD TOILET PAPER SQUEEZED BETWEEN HIS BUTT CHEECKS!?!

"Oh Jesus Christ!" I said, loudly.

Brett was not happy at having to sleep in this bed now. He pulled the blanket over the top and slept on top of it, fully clothed, well tried to sleep anyway. Neither of us slept too well as a large man stomped in and out of the room throughout the night. I've stayed in many hostels, including this exact one, and I'd never had an experience like this. Unfortunatetly it was Brett's first hostel experience.

Read Part Two Here.