Saturday, October 21, 2006

Did Madonna's Latest Purchase Come With An Extended Warranty

Madonna Goes Shopping
The big media event of the week is Madonna’s adoption of an African boy. As an impartial would be journalist I would hardly dare take sides on such a sensitive issue of such pressing international importance, but I am glad that it is at least being talked about; the days of rich white people being able to purchase poor African people is supposed to be in the past.

My concern is in the trendsetting department. Madge is after all the grand dame of a whole generation of divas. It worries me that hundreds of tiny Chihuahuas, mini-Pomeranians and other “Pocket Pets”© will be cast coldly out of the spotlight, forced into the care of their celebrity owner’s house keepers as their positions on the laps and in the arms of America’s most underfed millionaires are filled by children from poor nations.

Don’t think me heartless, it is not only the big eyed four legged critters I worry about. Of course I’m concerned about the human cost. Of course I worry about all of those hard working industrious young entrepreneurs who rushed to open “Pocket Pets” © stores to service the living accessories needs of not only the beloved young stars of “Entertainment Tonight” but also their adoring and imitating fans. I don’t want to see hordes of well coifed men and woman having to cope with the brutal reality of life on the streets of Beverly Hills, begging for change so they can buy a cappuccino so they can use the free internet access at the cafĂ© so to keep track of their E-bay auction bids on their I-books.

I have faith though in the ability of these enterprising Americans to adapt to the market. I see the “Pocket Pets” © stores becoming “Pocket Pal” (©pending) adoption centers: Quick turn around adoptions for those willing to pay cash and eager not to fill out a lot of paper work. Best of all each center will feature an on site esthetician, stylist, barber and baby Gap so that no one need hit the streets with an unfashionable toddler.

Of course this is all meant in fun. I am aware of the real issue here. Madonna’s cool status is in jeopardy. Once the ultimate trend starter she is now trailing behind the likes of Angelina Jolie and even Mia Farrow. Well, that’s what she gets for moving her “Main House”© to England. Come on back Madonna. You’re hipness is waiting for you. We’ve kept it, watered it, talked to it, and it’s ready when you are.

3 comments:

Kitty Kat Didn't Say That said...

While the adopted African baby is all the rage now, I think that the eighties Chinese baby girl adoptee is more comparable to the classic Kelly Bag accessory. Of course, the waiting list and extensive credit check does add to the cache. The African Child is becoming an all too accessible to the Average American Nouveau Riche/Overpaid Celebratante and we can expect cheap knockoffs to soon over saturate the market. Just because everyone has one today, does not mean that they won't be on super markdown next week! Remember Ugg boots, that everyone had to have, and wore with everything from jeans to formals? I believe that you can now find them as the free gift with purchase at your local hardware store! Don't count on a generous return policy at the orphanage when your trendy child accessory turns into a sullen, spoiled teen. I don't think you can return your purchase even if you are willing to pay an exorbitant restocking fee. Emptor caveat!

Keith Lowell Jensen said...

Awesome comment. Thanks.

Patrick Skullteis said...

One would think that with all the Pocket Pet rage going around, she would have picked up one of the pygmy tribe children.

Talk about trendy!