A Swede Singin' To Me

I went to LA and had dinner with some friends at Torung for my birthday, then we went to Wilton Place and hung out in The Lizard Boys apartment. A sister in law brought a Kiwi, an Aussie sang Men at Work and a Swede sang me happy birthday. It was truly an international event and a real good time.

Daniel is great. Go to his myspace and say hello. myspace.com/danielpersson

In LA again

I drove down here with Bryna, my mom and my nephew Li'l Erick (he's 6' 4".)

I've had quick visits with my brother Edward and his family and my brother James plus family now I'm at Brett's house with Bryna. Tonight we celebrate my birthday with some friends at Torung, my favorite Thai restaurant and tomorrow there's a party for James' birthday. We're not twins, we're just two weeks shy of being born five years apart.

I LOVE Los Feliz, where Brett's home aka Wilton Place is located. I want to do a ten minute documentary on Wilton Place. This place it amazing. Most every apartment is filled with an artist, musician or other crazy person. The landlord Mike is the lead singer for the Pygmy Love Circus. He recently found out he has cancer. on his door is now a list, "Mike Savage's I Have Cancer To Do List." He got to number 4 before Get Rid Of Cancer made the list. There is space to add your own things to the list. I may have to add "Make sweet, sweet love to Keith Lowell Jensen" to his list tonight."

I'm stoked to be here, looking forward to dinner. Bye for now.

Take an Atheist To Church Day

I'm seriously considering doing a take an atheist to church experiment, if there's enough interest.
I would solicit invitations to Church (an invitation that includes buying me lunch would certainly have an advantage.) I will choose one invite to accept, and attend a church service or mass or what have you, Muslim, Christian, Konko, Jewish, Buddhist, whatever.
I will be respectful and attentive. My respect and my love for the theists in my life, including those in my family will lead me to behave myself. I'm interested in showing and receiving respect, not in poking fun or agitating.
I will make it clear that trying to convert me will not be likely, (though such efforts are perfectly welcome) but I will encourage open, frank discussion of things like prayer in school, and the ten commandments in government building.
Thoughts?

Gay Funny Ha Ha

This is rad. Yep, no better word for it, totally rad, oh and gay, for sure, totally rad and totally gay.
Btw, I found this at heckasac. Thanks heckles (my own little pet name, ©2007.)

gack

Tired! Spent all day helping the gang at Horse Cow (a local art gallery/ community/ militia/ commune/ street gang) pack up their endless mountains of crap, er sorry, I mean, stuff and put it on pallets to be moved to their new space. God I'm beat.
No news on the book front. Behind on my homework. More later.

Lucky 13

Thirteen years Bryna and I have been together. Wow. That's a long time. We've been engaged for three of those thirteen years. We'll get married eventually, but after a ten year courtship a long engagement seems natural.

So, we're heading out of town on Saturday. Not going far, just to a bed and breakfast in Auburn. Ssssh, don't tell her, its a surprise. We'll have a nice dinner, then enjoy a claw foot bathtub, some movies and a bit of internet porn. Just kidding about that last part. That's what I'd be doing if I was going by myself.

Please Reply

Okay, a person that I'm really excited about is interested in my book. More details soon.
For now I need to pick a single chapter or maybe less to use as a sample.

A list with links to every chapter, ie every job is HERE.

Those of you that read these, which chapter do you think stands on it's own and best represents the book?

Let me know in the comments section. Thanks.

Yes, I know I've asked this before. I'm askin' again. If your answer hasn't changed, please post it again here. I do appreciate it.

Darwin's Lost Writings

They just found these hidden inside a Valentine card that Darwin had written to Fanny Owen. Here is a selection from the text:

"For he or she who shall believe in my theory shall be rewarded with a graceful forehead and increased cranium but lo you that rejecteth mine wisdom shall be doomed to walk upon thine knuckles.

Let he or she who sings praises of the ideas I present have given unto him or her coupling with they who would not only produce the mostadvantaged of offspring but shall excite and stimulate with biological advantageous features of symmetry and fine hip to waste ratio and the like.

And for they who would reject my theory let the sex be barely satisfying and impossible to complete without the conjuring of images of those who they'd rather enter into reproductive activities with or let them be satisfied only by solo acts which shall not result in their gene for intellectual stubbornness being passed on.

And just to cover my bases, I ask any gods, deities, nebulous entities or network of such to reward those who would seek to fully understand the universe rather than reward them that would spend their life kissing the divine ass in expectation of heavenly reward. I mean seriously dude, if youain't gonna return my calls what am I supposed to think?

It is my wish then that my believers might paste fishes with feet growing from them upon their horseless carriages which are even now evolving from those horse powered carriages which now bear us. It will please me to believe that these believers might gather in groups and sing praises unto me and carry the most modern and evolved ofweapons with which they must smote all who believe not in my theory thus removing from the gene pool any who might doubt the greatness of Darwin for I am surely great andpowerful and any doubt as to my greatness must not be tolerated.

And these followers shall consider only my theories and shall refuse to consider other theories and shall enact laws which forbid the discussion of said theories and shall deny theirchildren access to such theories for surely these other theories be blasphemous and full of poop.

And the Darwinites shall be a mighty nation upon the earth and shall rule for a Milena and shall evolve into supermen and be mighty sexy and get cake and ice cream every day of their life."

Wow, I can see why he thought better of publishing this stuff. Another wise move by Darwin.

Happy Birthday Chuck. Thanks.

Yeah, so I'm networking

Okay, so I'm at that stage where I need to ask my friends and perfect strangers as well if they know anyone in the book publishing/agenting business who would be willing to look at my query letter. This is exciting. You can be a part of getting my book published, for real! And then I have a fence you can whitewash for me! Rad! The query letter looks a bit like this:

Dear whoever

I am seeking representation for my memoir, Work Ethic? Complete at 113,5000 words.

Work Ethic? is based on my own adventures seeking identity and employment in the American job market, being hired and fired (sometimes I quit) from over 30 jobs before my 30th birthday.

While on the clock, and in the pages of Work Ethic? I have;

• Had a SWAT Team aim guns at my head. (Theatre Manager)
• Been arrested for bringing a gun into an international airport. (Flyer Distribution)
• Done dishes with a rock star. (Café Dishwasher)
• Been punched in the face by my boss. (Former Bus Boy)
• Punched a subordinate in the face. (Film Festival Promoter)
• Called for the internment of all Arab American's on a nationally syndicated "angry white guy with a goatee" type radio show. (There was a context to this.)
  

Work Ethic will appeal to fans of Michelle Tea, Beth Lisick, Dave Eggers, Hillary Carlip and David Sedaris. The book is told with a sense of humor but often explores the dark and even the mundane moments that one comes across while seeking enlightenment and employment.

Work Ethic existed first as a blog, written almost entirely while on the clock. The blog has been immensely popular drawing up to 85,000 views per month with not a dime spent on promotion.

In addition to working too many jobs I’ve made a name for myself as a comedian, freelance writer and weird uncle.

My interview credits include Bob Newhart, Ryan Styles, Neil Hamburger, Gift of Gab, and my hero The Unknown Comic. In five years of professional writing I’ve covered mixed martial arts fighting, music, book, comic book and art reviews, comedy and technology.

Thank you for you consideration.
Sincerely,

Keith Lowell Jensen



An excerpt from The Washington Posts review of Morbid Curiosity

“The Morbid the Merrier? Alas, No More.
By Peter Carlson
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, June 20, 2006; C02
The funniest of these medical horror stories is "I Hate My Guts," Keith Lowell Jensen's hilarious account of his colon disease. Like any good colon disease tale, it gets a little . . . um, gamey. But if you stick with it, you're rewarded with the story of Jensen's colonoscopy photos.
"The photos were shown around," he writes. "They were even published online, resulting in a fan site dedicated to my colon and an original piece of art being made from the photos and submitted to be displayed at the California State Fair. The State Fair rejected my colon."
Needless to say, Morbid Curiosity didn't reject Jensen's colon, and his colonoscopy photos illustrate this demented masterpiece.”

Jesus Christ CEO

The second coming (c) hasn't had quite the impact one might've expected. In fact the largest affect it's had is on our shopping habits, you know, convenience and lower prices and all. A few folks have gotten rich, if they were smart enough and had the resources to buy stock, and more folks, like myself had to make some adjustments as certain small businesses were gobbled up. I ran a bait and tackle off of highway 99. Thought I'd be there for life. It was the perfect location, right there on the way to the river and a thoroughfare for people making their way up north to do some more serious fishing. Now I'm a "Blesser/Greeter"(c) at the Super Church.(c) I'm hoping to work my way up to the sports department eventually, but even that will pale compared to the joy of owning my own business. Oh well, life goes on yeah?

Read the rest of this story by clicking here.

Weird

Okay, this is super weird and creepy. No, I mean it, it's super creepy. So then, you've been warned...

At the light rail stop I walked past what seemed to be a nice father and son. The kid, who looked to be about ten was running around wrapping string around his dad and laughing, dad was laughing, I smiled as I walked by.

They sat not too far in front of me on the train. The kid pulled out a book, pointed out pictures to his dad and all was right and adorable with the world. I'm always curious what kids are reading these days. Would it be some cool new kids book or maybe an old classic like Hop On Pop, or One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish? I peeked and saw the the young man was sharing with his father some hard core porn. I blinked twice. Could I really be seeing this right? I looked again. Yep. Hardcore porn it was. In fact, it was the kind of porn that advertises other porn, so each page was jam packed with penetration and tongues and well, all sorts of stuff.

I didn't know what to think and I certainly didn't know what to do. I looked around hoping to find an example to follow. Only one other person seemed to have notice. She looked nervous and avoided eye contact.

I started to have really weird thoughts. I remembered that I had looked at porn when I was a kid. I got bored of it after awhile. I wondered if this was really going to harm the kid, but then it occurred to me that the porn wasn't the issue so much as the relationship between this kid and this older man, who I now realized wasn't necessarily his father. Why did this man want to share this with the kid? My friend Cole's dad let him pretty much look at whatever he wanted to look at, but he didn't look with him. They didn't share happy moments together checking out porno while riding around town on the light rail at 10:3o in the morning. Should I engage them?

I imagined starting a dialogue.

"Excuse me, I wondering, is this your son that you're sharing porno with?"

"Mind your own business, fuck off, don't you oppress me cracker."

Oh wait, did I mention that they were black? Is it relevant? Yes, it's relevant, because our cultural differences made me less likely to respond, especially as I was in the minority on the light rail and worried about being the uptight white dude trying to tell other people how to live.

I imagined my well reasoned response, "Sir, you assume too much. I am just curious about the art of parenting. You see, I may be a father myself some day, and I wonder, should I perhaps share porno with my son or daughter?"

Yeah, my imaginations a bit nuts, but I wanted to know what the hell this guy was thinking. I became increasingly concerned that this was a sign of something bigger going on. If this was okay in public then what was going on in private. I remembered the recent case where the boy was found after going missing years earlier. His captor's neighbors just though they lived next to a father and son. I started to think I had a moral obligation to take some action. There were no cops around, but there likely would be some on K Street, where I planned to get off the light rail.
I exited on K and so did the man and the kid, after the kid tucked his porno into his coat. I looked around. No cops. I made my way to Bryna's work. I was dropping off her library books on my way to school. No cops the whole way there. What's the expression, never a cop around when you need one. I told Bryna what I'd witnessed and she was thoroughly yucked out. Seeing her response I felt guilty for not having taken action.

I headed to class and there they were again coming out of the mall. The kid looked at me and I looked at him. He looked like a regular kid. I didn't see anything discernible in his gaze, nothing that said "Please help me." If anything I thought I detected a hint of "What are you looking at?"
I looked around, still no cops. My phone rang. It was my boss. I talked to the boss and then I went to school.

Should I have acted?

My Latest Rejection Letter

Hi Keith,

Thank you so much for letting us take a look at your proposal, WORK ETHIC, but I’m sorry to report that we’re going to pass. This is a great concept, and some of the stories are hilarious, but I’m afraid we didn’t feel that there were enough common threads that wove the collection together. And so we just weren’t convinced we could publish this successfully.

I’m sorry not to be more enthusiastic about this project, but thanks again for sharing it with us. I wish you the best of luck in finding a publisher!

Best wishes,

(her name here)

I decided to send the following reply, figuring "Hey, she already said no, what could it hurt?"

(her name here)
Thanks for taking the time to read 'Work Ethic?' and I'm glad to hear that you found some of it hilarious.

I will take your comments into account as I continue to work on the manuscript. If it makes any difference, please know that I would be open to working with you on making the book more marketable.

At any rate, I appreciate your time, and I hope you will not mind if I send you a rewrite of this manuscript in the future or perhaps a query letter for my next manuscript.

Thanks again,
Keith

I am willing to work with a publisher on making my book more "marketable". Does that make me a sell out? The way I figure it, I have the original. It exists and will always exist. If I have to make small changes that are not artistically objectionable to me in order to break into the publishing game, that's fine.
If I manage to sell some books, I'll have more say in the future.
Besides, my work for the News and Review is run through an editor and I'm often quite pleased with the changes they make.

Still trying

So, my friend Ken continues to be amazingly helpful and generous in helping me out as I try to get my book published. He recommended my manuscript to someone at Simon and Schuster and she agreed to look at it saying that she liked the sound of the concept.

It's unusual, as far as I know, for a bigger publisher like this to look at an unagented manuscript. I am ready to receive another rejection letter, not to say that I'm not hopeful but I realize that I really am starting with the folks that are up in the major leagues and working my way down. I will be totally satisfied, thrilled in fact if I end up playing in the minors. There are still many, many more rejection letters ahead of me before I reach the smaller, independent type publishers. I hope those analogies are accurate as I know nothing about baseball.

In the meanwhile, I'm mailing off my short stories to magazines. I mailed one off today to XYXXYVA, a really cool short story mag. I'm getting one ready to send to Zoetrope. Okay then, just thought I'd offer an update on the goings on of a aspiring writer.

Shameless?

Absolutely. My birthday's March 5th, I'll be 35, click here to see my Amazon.com wish list.

Baby I'm Amazed

Read the original article here.

I don't even know what to say? Bush admits that global warming is real "Uh, yeah, listen I guess there weren't really no mass destructional weapons o'er there in Iraq, and also the uh, warming thing, yeah, it's real, but you know, we got to stay the course." but says that doing what we need to do about it might not allow us to be competitive with countries that aren't doing what they need to do about it.

WHAT! Is this the kind of logic that got him out of going to jail (and Nam) and into sorority girl's dorm rooms? This is just crazy.

It's time to look to the greatest generation and their rations and victory gardens. For once the enemy is not other humans. We can all work together and make future generations proud of how we made do. Ration the driving, outlaw the incandescent bulbs, be willing to take drastic measures, it's time. Losing some competitiveness hardly seems the concern compared to losing the ability to go outside. And haven't the Japanese automakers proved that it increases global competitiveness when you do it right? Our crappy car companies, afraid of having to meet stricter new standards are getting their asses kicked.

This last week is the week when even the Bush administration had to admit that global warming is real. It's the top subject in the news every day for the past three days. Let's hope this is a turning point. Let's hope we can now wake up to the fact that we've been losing the big war while fighting our petty little battle with each other. We're racing toward a cliff at full speed and it's too late to stop. Let's hope we manage to invent a working pair of wings before it's too late.

Espanol

Me es estudio de espanol. Practicar me espanol aki. Me espanol is no bueno. Me abla espanol mas bueno um.... soon. Tee hee.

The Shins:

Here's my review of The new Shins as seen in The News and Review.

The Shins
Wincing the Night Away
The Shins’ long-awaited third release is great. It may take Shins fans a few listens to really appreciate that greatness, since the album is unfortunately not their best. The three-year wait may have gotten our hopes too high while we tried to imagine what kind of wonderful stew the band was brewing, only to get another damn fine album that sounds like it could have been released right on the tail of the last damn fine album. Despite its place as a merely great effort, Wincing delivers more poetic and poignant yet acerbically humorous lyrics from James Mercer, one of today’s sharpest songwriters. The haunting first single, “Phantom Limb,” and the second track, “Australia,” are immediate standouts. The Shins continue to find a natural sound in a mishmash of retro flourishes from the past five decades of pop.