Faux-Mo

Straight guys often think I'm gay, as do really square straight women. Gay people almost never think I'm gay, except when I'm having sex with them.
I guess I'm a little femme, actually a little flamboyant is probably more accurate. Someone suggested I was a metro-sexual. Nope. Metrosexuals are too neat. I'm a slob, unshaven, shaggy haired, fingernails all a mess. The metrosexual club would certainly not have me as a member.

So, what do I do that's "Gay" and what does it make me?:

1. I collect vintage Barbie dolls (mostly reproductions, I aint rich).
2. I love women's fashion. I don't know the names of designers or anything, but I'll sit and people watch with you for hours and rip to shred what most folks are wearing, giving the occasional thumbs up. And before you get catty, rarely would I give myself the thumbs up.
   
3. I watch Musicals. Love 'em. I've watched them since I was a kid.
4. I dig Figure skating. Okay, I can't figure out why this is considered gay. It's the sexiest thing in the world. Ballet too. It's like porn only the people are better looking and you don't have to worry about them ruining everything by spitting.
5. I have sex with men. No, just kidding. Ha ha. Really, I'm just kidding. Shutup.
   
6. I cross my legs high. Drives my little brother crazy. "Dude, why do sit like that. Doesn't it hurt your balls?"
7. My voice goes high when I get excited. My boss makes fun of me for this one all the time. It may have something do with crossing my legs high.
   
8. I like pink. It's a fun color. Colors don't have genders. Get over it.
9. I say "Get over it."
10. Sometimes I pretend my girlfriend's really a dude. No, just kidding, heh heh. No, sweetie, really, I'm just kidding. Dang!
11. I LOVE drag. I think it's an amazing form of entertainment and I just can't get enough. Though Sacramento doesn't offer very good drag. Tranny Shack at Club Stud in SF is where it's at.
12. Salad spinner. I have one at home, and I want one to keep at work. I like to wash my lettuce before I have a salad or sandwich, and then I like it dry. So, a salad spinner. Allen thinks this makes me the gayest of the gay.
    

There are more. But that'll do for now. My girlfriend in trying to come up with a term for me, and the many others like me, has coined the phrase Faux-Mo, rhymes with homo. I like it. It works. Yay! (13. I say "Yay!")