Footprints in The Sand: an inspirational poem

I had a dream in which there were footprints in the sand.
The little footprints were mine;
the big ones belonged to Jesus
(He has enormous feet, you know what they say.)
In some places all five feet could be seen
but in other spots only Jesus' feet appeared
next to long lines in the sand as if he were accompanied by serpents.
"These are the places where I dragged you away from fat men who wished to have sex with you after you passed out from alcohol" said Jesus.
"Oh, thanks, dude." said I.
"What about the spot with the big weird pock marks next to your foot prints?"
asked I.
"Those mark the place where you were freakin' out and eating dirt. I didn't stop you cause it was funny." said he.
"That's pretty cold, dude." said I.
"Hey, God made the dirt so the dirt can't hurt." said he.
"Oh, thanks alot." said I. "Hey Jesus, was your step dad Joseph pissed that God got to Mary before he did?
I mean that's got to be a pretty hard act to follow." said I.
Before Jesus could answer I woke up, drunk, with fat guys having sex with me.