Comments

Check out the comments on Queen for A Day. Pretty cool.

Francois Fly Photo Shop Contest Winners

You can see ALL THE ENTRIES by clicking here.

FIRST PLACE
Rat Pack Fly by Mark Lahey
Mark Lahey did this beauty on the first day of the contest, which put the bar real high, and while everyone gave us their A game, they never did mange to knock mark out. Good work man. Go to the All The Entries page for more from Mark.

SECOND PLACE

The Last Swatter by Nick RobertsClick image to enlarge.

This is an amazing piece by Nick Roberts, a local Sacramento cat with many nick names. I had the picture up on the site for days before it occured to me just how sick and wrong it is. And then a few days after that I noticed the little piles of poo on every plate. I'd definately have to call this a close second. Hey Nick, send me your website info. so I can link you.

THIRD PLACE
The People's Fly by Brett Wilson
Francois, being the staunch capitolist pig that he is was not so crazy about this one, but I love it and insisted it find it's place in the top three. Great work Brett.

Currently Reading: Louis Riel by Chester Brown. This graphic novel biography is simply amazing. Chester Brown is one of the best of the genre for sure. I give it four stars.

Queen for a Day

My lovely fiance was flipping through a "Woman's mag", a fashion oriented one with a bit of gossip and sex advice thrown in for good measure. She discovered a gruesomely, fascinating article. If we'd been on the freeway, and an accident had been this grisly we'd have felt guilty for slowing down, but we'd have slowed down.

The article featured women whose husbands were fighting in Iraq, you know, for freedom and stuff. These women, who spent every day wondering if they'd get their husband back or a small pension and a folded up flag instead were invited in to the studio to try on dresses that they could never afford to own no matter how many husbands they lost. They were made up and lit well and photographed all pretty and glamourous and sexy even.

It reminded me of the old TV show Queen for a Day, where poor housewives told of their hardships. The one whose life was deemed the suckiest got a washing machine.
Looking at these women, standing in designer dresses, next to almost teary eyed, big smiling stylist, I had to wonder, if one of their husbands does die out there in the desert, do they get to keep the dress?

Did Madonna's Latest Purchase Come With An Extended Warranty

Madonna Goes Shopping
The big media event of the week is Madonna’s adoption of an African boy. As an impartial would be journalist I would hardly dare take sides on such a sensitive issue of such pressing international importance, but I am glad that it is at least being talked about; the days of rich white people being able to purchase poor African people is supposed to be in the past.

My concern is in the trendsetting department. Madge is after all the grand dame of a whole generation of divas. It worries me that hundreds of tiny Chihuahuas, mini-Pomeranians and other “Pocket Pets”© will be cast coldly out of the spotlight, forced into the care of their celebrity owner’s house keepers as their positions on the laps and in the arms of America’s most underfed millionaires are filled by children from poor nations.

Don’t think me heartless, it is not only the big eyed four legged critters I worry about. Of course I’m concerned about the human cost. Of course I worry about all of those hard working industrious young entrepreneurs who rushed to open “Pocket Pets” © stores to service the living accessories needs of not only the beloved young stars of “Entertainment Tonight” but also their adoring and imitating fans. I don’t want to see hordes of well coifed men and woman having to cope with the brutal reality of life on the streets of Beverly Hills, begging for change so they can buy a cappuccino so they can use the free internet access at the café so to keep track of their E-bay auction bids on their I-books.

I have faith though in the ability of these enterprising Americans to adapt to the market. I see the “Pocket Pets” © stores becoming “Pocket Pal” (©pending) adoption centers: Quick turn around adoptions for those willing to pay cash and eager not to fill out a lot of paper work. Best of all each center will feature an on site esthetician, stylist, barber and baby Gap so that no one need hit the streets with an unfashionable toddler.

Of course this is all meant in fun. I am aware of the real issue here. Madonna’s cool status is in jeopardy. Once the ultimate trend starter she is now trailing behind the likes of Angelina Jolie and even Mia Farrow. Well, that’s what she gets for moving her “Main House”© to England. Come on back Madonna. You’re hipness is waiting for you. We’ve kept it, watered it, talked to it, and it’s ready when you are.

Reality or Urban Legend?

We put up another new clip of scenes from Why Lie I Need A Drink. Click here to go to whylieineedadrink.com.

Modern Times

Rewatching this Chaplin masterpiece with my nephew. I'm explaining to him the historical context so he'll understand the scenes dealing with strikes and worker's marches and the many scenes of people worrying about having enough to eat. "No, those aren't bad men. They don't want to steal, but they're starving. That's why he's crying." Pretty heavy stuff to be explaining to a 9 year old.

Chaplin's socialist leanings are not subtley expressed here; Modern Times is as much a propaganda film as it is a comedy, but it works brilliantly on both fronts.

Amazing that this film is so funny while dealing head on with such subject matter. This is comedy at it's best.

I can't wait to crack open the bonus disc which features several documentaries including a 1967 short capturing the reaction of peasants in Cuba seeing their first movie ever when a travelling projectionist shows them Modern Times. There's also a promotional musical film commissioned by that king of the assembly line, Ford himself. That should be pretty funny.

Pacific NorthWest Roadtrip part two

Read part one HERE

(Seattle Hostel)
We woke up early, moved our car to a pay lot, and then a couple more hours sleep before grabbing breakfast. Someone at the hostel recommended a cafe in Pike's Place Market. The view at the place was great, looking out over the sound, but the food was standard greasy spoon fair. They made a decent americano.

Once breakfast was done our geekfest began. We went to the aquarium and caught Caesar the Octopus in an entertaining mood. He played with the wolf eel, changed colors, climbed about and we came back to his tank to see him feed. I've seen many an octopus in many an aquarium, and this was the first time I found one in such a fun mood. All the volunteers were gathering around as it was indeed a rare site. The Seattle aquarium is tiny, but expanding. I can't wait to visit it again in a few years when the construction is done.

The geeking continued with a trip to Bodies, the display featuring real human bodies, preserved and disected every which way. Before heading in we wanted to grab a bite to eat. If we'd not been in a hurry we wouldn't have gone into an internet cafe called "Cyber Dogs". We were so glad we did. Tatiana, the owner is a hillarious and charming character. She makes a great butternut squash soup. She also makes her own vegan cheese, and serves a variety of vegetarian and vegan foods in her cramped little cafe full of computers.

"You will have to pardon me if the music is too much." she told us as we walked through the door. "It is French Day here. I'm playing French music all day and it gets a bit dirty." She spoke in an eastern European accent with maybe some east coast mixed in.

When a man went to sit at the one computer with a screen that faced away from the dining room, giving some privacy, she called out, "Oh good, you get the porn computer. That's nice." We got a picture with Tatiana and then on to the bodies.

The bodies looked more plastic than I thought they would and so at first it's not as strange standing next to a corpse as you'd imagine it would be. By the third room full of bodies and body parts though, the reality sinks in and it is a bit strange. That the display is real presented as educational rather than artistic helps. I highly reccommend the show if it comes to a town near you.

We thought we were done geeking as we made our way to my cousin's house. We stopped at a beautiful community garden that I'd discovered the last time I visited Seattle and then, on our way to the car, we spotted a sign reading "Bug Safari." Bryna (my sweetie) and I had talked seriously at one time about starting a bug zoo. I was real excited to find someone doing just that. The front of this shop is a gift shop with bug related toys, science kits, even edible crickets and meal worms. The back room is a bug zoo. We gladly paid our eight bucks and enjoyed "The Ferocious Water Bugs", along with the local millipedes, several varieties of centipedes, some tarantulas, a pair of rhinocerous beetles (my favorite,) some dung beetles and much more. The owner seemed almost weirded out by our geeky enthusiasm. We may have been a bit overwhelming. He told us a cute story about meeting his wife and on their first date talking bugs with her for two hours. His friends thought he was an idiot, but it worked out perfectly. After hearing the romantic tale I picked up a beetle paper weight for Bryna, my own geeky sweetheart.

We stopped for sushi and ordered a chef's plate. Much to our surprise and dismay the plate came with Octopus. Not wanting to waste, Brett ate the two pieces, thinking of Caesar over at the Seattle Aquarium and not really enjoying himself much at all.

Somewhere in all of this Brett discovered dog penis. While visiting Bob and Irina we met their charming friend Laura and her dog Peanut. Peanut had distemper as a puppy and it caused some nerve damage and now his little red rocket will not stay in it's silo. Brett opened his phone to make a call, and there was a photo of Peanut's penis set as the background image. He's stuck with the photo because the prank was, in his opinion, to funny to just be deleted. Everytime he used the phone after that I heard, "Goddamn Dog Penis!"

We visited my wonderful cousins, Tim and Isa and their wildman of a son Kolya. Brett entertained their dog, something he's very good at. Brett speaks dog, fluently. He hits this certain pose and the tamest, most reserved dog in the world is instantly his insane best friend, an absolute riot. We left a bit later than planned for Vancouver.

Part three and photos and links coming soon. I Promise.
Read part one HERE

Cool!

The Sacramento Bee ran an excerpt from my North Korea and live links article in this Sunday's paper. Check it out Here.
And read the full version Here.
Thanks Bee.

Pacific NorthWest Roadtrip part one

(I'll add links and pictures later, so check back.)

Brett arrived late Sunday and then stayed up till the wee hours of morning gabbing with my sweetheart Bryna, while I tried to get some sleep. I woke everyone up at 6am Monday, we had coffee and by 7am we were driving I-5 toward Portland.

Talking, playing great tunes on Brett's new I-pod and stopping of for Thai Food in Ashland, the drive was fun and gorgeous but soooo long. By the time we reached Bob and Irina's place in Portland we were slap happy, drunk on driving, giggly and silly and not fit to be out in public. I had a shower, called my friend Allegra and we all went out to eat, more Thai food.

Allegra was delightful. I was worried that Brett and I would be a bit much as we really were quite obnoxious after being caged for so many hours, but we all had a fun time Bob told a hillarious story. It seems the first person they ran into that they knew after relocating from Sacramento to Portland was a girl who had been in one of Bob's early films. She'd been in a scene with another girl, and a naked Bob. Now, Bob makes no budget art films, no porno, in case you were getting the wrong idea. He may as well have been a porn director though from the "Oh my god, I so don't want to be running into you again EVER." reaction he got from the girl who was out with a man, possible a boyfriend or even husband. Welcome to Portland Bob.

Portland is such a pretty town. I woke Tuesday up with a bit of a headache, (a glass more wine than I need the night before which will surprise those that know me, as I rarely have more than a half a glass these days.) After doing a bit of writing (See North Korea and Live Links below) I made everyone else get up and we went out for coffee. Bob and Irina then took us out clothes shopping and book shopping and Maya Bar Shopping. I'm completely addicted to Maya Bars now.

A couple of parking tickets later and then back to our hosts' really cool new house. We put together some directions, said goodbye and headed off to The Farm, a restraraunt where Allegra waits tables. An awesom meal of Salmon and Greens for me and heirloom tomatoes for Brett. My god heirloom tomatoes are tasty.

Back on I-5 toward Seattle where we would stay at the downtown Hostel. This drive was much shorter, maybe three hours. After checking in, dropping off our luggage and checking my e-mail we headed out. I told Brett that there was a Lusty Lady right around the corner from the hostel and he was interested in checking it out. Brett's recently divorced and he was very interested in participating in some boy type activities, you know, hitting each other, drinking, looking at naked women, that sort of stuff.

The Lusty in Seattle looks just like the one in SF. Booths surround a main stage. You drop in a buck and you're granted a view of three or four women dancing about without their clothes. My window came up and an unattractive and quite clumsy woman made her way to my window. I felt bad. I wish I could find everyone beautiful but this woman was not someone I felt like objectifying, especially not when I was paying for the privelidge. A friend of mine has an annoying habit of telling me "All women are beautiful" whenever I mention that a specific woman is beautiful. Now when I see a pretty woman I tell him "She stimulates my breeding impulse." The woman almost falling down in front of me, smiling to show off missing teeth, did not stimulate my breeding impulse. I let the dollar run down, the window went dark and I switched booths.

Another dollar disappeared and a very attractive red-head came to dance in front of my window. The first woman moved over to a new window. The red-head danced, I smiled and then she looked down at my crotch and raised her eyebrows. I wasn't interested in doing anything down there. She looked again, cocked her head and smiling, raised her eyebrows suggestively once more. I smiled back and my hands remained at my side. To my surprise, she looked insulted and moved to a new window. I never even had the chance to give her the "It's not you, it's me." speech.

Waiting outside for Brett I got in some great people watching. A couple passed holding hands. The man slowed and looked in the door. His companion kept her head facing forward. He stopped. "Hey, you want to go in there?" he asked.

"No, I do not." She answered incredulously.

"I was just kidding."

Poor sap, afraid of his own wants. Brett came out, and it seems he'd had decent luck with his first dollar so he'd popped in a fiver. That's when she of the bad dental plan settled on his window.

"She stayed there through the whole five bucks! I looked a way, I tried to see around her, she refused to take a hint that I wasn't interested in her. It seemed rude to leave before the five bucks winded down so I was stuck there."

I laughed at Brett, whose bad luck was just beginning. Back at the hostel, where we were stayingin a dorm style room with at least ten beds, somebody was asleep in his bed, and it weren't Goldilocks neighther. He woke the guy up.

"Hey, buddy, you're in my bed."

"Yeah, somebody was in my bed earlier and I think they're coming back."

Brett was going to go down to the front counter, but he changed his mind. "You know, that's not really my problem. I have to get up early and I want my bed."

The man was agitated. "Yeah, I have to get up early too! I didn't want to be rude and wake the other guy up like you're waking me up."

It was bad enough he was being an ass, he was also flashing his ass. He backed off the bunk bed, his large white ass shining in my face and HE HAD TOILET PAPER SQUEEZED BETWEEN HIS BUTT CHEECKS!?!

"Oh Jesus Christ!" I said, loudly.

Brett was not happy at having to sleep in this bed now. He pulled the blanket over the top and slept on top of it, fully clothed, well tried to sleep anyway. Neither of us slept too well as a large man stomped in and out of the room throughout the night. I've stayed in many hostels, including this exact one, and I'd never had an experience like this. Unfortunatetly it was Brett's first hostel experience.

Read Part Two Here.

Start Wearing Purple

I'm back. Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, good time. More later. For now, here's the song that we listened to at least once a day, usually more as we drove about the pacific north-west.