Gimme Five!

When I was in 4th grade I saw a rotten kid throwing rocks at the seagulls that congregated around our school during lunch break. He hit one and went for a celebratory "Gimme five" from his buddy. A bird shit right on his hand.

Life peaked early. I'm 41 years old and I've seen many things but I doubt anything will ever replace this as the coolest moment of my life. The astronauts who walked on the moon suffered depression when they had to go back to the mundanities of everyday life. I feel like I can relate.

I once looked out my window at exactly the right time to see a drag queen who thought she was alone lift her skirt to pop her balls back into her panties as she crossed the street at 3am. That was pretty great, but no seagull giving a kid a shit five.