Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Working On My Racism

So I've been working on my racism.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy being anti-racist, as I've been all my life but I realize that it's easy to not be a racist in our times of relative calm and stability (calm and stable where I live at least.) When/if the shit hits the fan people will factionalize right quick and those of us who were raised without being taught proper racist etiquette are gonna be screwed. We won't know what we're doing. I don't want to be caught off guard so I'm working on my racism now.

My racist heroes are my older relatives. They're so racist, they're even racist against other white people. "Oooh I hate those Irish Mick Bastards!" "Um... what are we Uncle Eddy?" "We're Scott-Irish." "Oh, okay. Screw them non-Scott Irish Bastards!" As a kid I told Uncle Eddy that it seemed to me Scott-Irish just meant Irish who decided they didn't like Ireland so they switched sides and became Scottish to which Uncle Eddy replied "Oh, ya want ta be Irish do ya? Ya better find yourself another fookin' uncle." That's awesome. He has a green belt in racism.

I don't want to jump the gun and start being racist before it's time but how do I practice? I've started with Lord of The Rings Racism. Oooh I hate them bastard Orcs. The Elfs are okay I suppose but I don't trust 'em. Hobbits, oh I've no use for the men, but Hobbit chicks are hot. So petite, and they look twenty for like twenty years! But a lot of Hobbit chicks date Orcs. Oh that makes me sick to see a hot Hobbit chick with one of them big, sleek, sexy, dangerous looking Orc bastards!!!!" Anyone else getting uncomfortable?

I hope nobody Trolls this post. (See that? Subtle yes?)


Anonymous said...

Cousin Eddie not uncle.

KLJ said...