Me: NO, you didn't catch me masturbating to Maxim Mag's 100 Hottest Women. I was reading the Louis CK interview.
Wife: Then why is there lotion?
Me: ... I was masturbating to the Louis CK interview!
(For the record, this conversation never actually happened, but it could've.)
(Also for the record Nikki Minaj and Christina Hendricks were both WAY too low on Maxim's list.)
(Oh, and I honestly don't know why Maxim comes to my house. I didn't subscribe and I find it insulting to the intelligence but I can't resist glossy pictures of pretty ladies or interviews with awesome comedians.)