I could almost be a Mormon.
I could almost be a Mormon in the same way I could almost be a magician.
Neither magicians nor Mormons strike me as particularly cool (noted exceptions; magicians Penn and Teller, Mormons The Aquabats.)
The reason I could be taken in by either of these two admittedly geeky camps is that I'm a sucker for secrets. It's dangerous for me to get a near a magic shop. It's all I can do to get out of there without spending all my money on tricks just so that I can take 'em apart and see how they work. Luckily the Mormons, unlike the Catholics, don't have little shops, well okay they have Deseret Industries, but they don't sell Mormonism there. But them Mormons, they do have their secrets.
The Mormons do not want you to know what they believe. It's secret. I have a dear friend who is a Mormon. Well, I had a dear friend before I started writing this blog (are the Mormons big on forgiveness?) This friend of mine always corrects me when I say secret. "It's not secret, it's sacred." he tells me. I think the two words mean different things and are not mutually exclusive. The Bible is sacred to some, but I'm allowed to read it. Same goes with the Koran, the Talmud, the Gitas, all sacred but none are secret. But them Mormon bloomers, they're secret.
Yep, Mitt Romney is wearing special, church sanctioned bloomers. It's true, and it's secret (sacred.) It's hard to see in this pic, but the undergarments have a special little shape over each nipple, sort of a backwards L and a V. There's another little line down around the belly button and one on the lower right thigh. I don't know what the symbols mean, nobody will tell me, it's secret (sacred.) I could almost sign up, and waste a few years of my life, just to solve this mystery. You see secrets (sacreds) really drive me up a wall.
The garments, like Mormonism's take on black people and polygamy, have evolved over the years. If you trace natural progression of this evolution, the Mormons will be wearing g-strings and pasties before too long. At that point, I may have to give in to my curiosity, and sign myself up.
For now though, I like the Mormons (and even most of the magicians) that I know. If somebody was a magician and a Mormon, I'd probably have to give them a noogie. But, I'm not crazy about secrets. Not when a group is achieving increasing political power. So, I'm afraid I would not be able to vote for a magician for president (sorry Penn) or Vice President (sorry Teller.)