1. Billionaires and Millionaires get tax breaks. It's great to have one headline that can be recycled year after year. Looking forward to copy and pasting this on my 2011 list.
2. NASA finds new form of life in Mono Lake! Keith Richards said to be excited that there is something left on the planet that he hasn't smoked, snorted or shared an std with.
3. Wikileaks – Even atheist comedians drop to their knees and thank the universe for a top news story with the word leaks in it AND the word wiki. Unfortunately the leaks reveal no information about Obama's forged birth certificate, Muslim Faith or Socialist agenda. Maybe they're saving the best for last! Keep the faith.
4. Tea Party – Makes a-lot of noise, waves some of the worse signs ever to be held by someone NOT asking for spare change on a freeway offramp, costs the GOP a few seats, declares itself the winners and then gets sold out as the GOP compromises on every single promise they made in exchange for tax breaks for the wealthy.
5. Fall of Obama – Passes health care reform, wall st. reform, calls off the Feds in states with medicinal marijuana, sees Don't As Don't Tell rescinded but we're still pissed because he promised personal jet packs for everyone by 2010, or something like that. When he said he was a reach across the aisle moderate, we on the left were pretty sure he said it with a wink in our direction but it turns out he actually meant it. Must've had something in his eye.
6.German Chancellor Merkel announces that multiculturalism has failed in Germany. Perhaps she was just tired of hearing Americans calling each other Nazi. “Nazi? No, no, no. I show you Nazi!”
Germany, do you understand, the words heritage and Christian make us very nervous when coming from your mouths?
7. Sun Chips brand snack chips come out with an amazing bag that is 100% biodegradable and made from renewable resources, looks promising to revolutionize packaging industry in a great, green kind of way. Bag is retired when consumers complain that it is too noisy. “Sure, I want to save the planet, but not if it means noisy snacks.”
8. Birthers – Momentum keeps birthers clammering for Obama's birth certificate long after Republican governor of Hawaii verifies it's existence and authenticity. Other Obama slurs which failed to grab hold: Leaves the seat up, wrote that annoying Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer song, in High school he claimed to have done it with a girl in Canada when he hadn't actually done it at all, claims to be black but likes The Beach Boys, is an intellectual.
9. Ground Zero Mosque – Another case of momentum run amok. Protestor's found out it wasn't actually at ground zero but rather at an old Burlington Coat Factory several blocks away. Unfortunately it was too late to call off protests as they'd already made signs, many of them quite creative.
10. U2's Bono reaches a milestone this year. He is an accomplished musician, humanitarian and philanthropist but now that he's also 50 he may want to consider retiring the leather pants.
11. Don't Ask Don't Tell struck down. The one consolation for conservatives is that the wars were unwinnable anyway, at least now they can blame the gays.
12. The BP spill was the worst thing to ever happen, ever in the history of the world and sure to bring about the end of the world as we know it until suddenly, one day, it was all cleaned up. Class action suit for the bad news/good news whiplash still pending.
13. The good news; Christine O'Donnell is not a witch. The better news; She's also not a senator.
14. The Haitian earthquake brings fires, collapsing buildings, lack of clean water and worst of all scores of well intentioned UN Peacekeepers, some with cholera.
15. Arizona's Senate Bill 1070, allowing police to ask any hispanic to prove they're "legal" stirs up much controversy. Arizona wisely back-burners planned bill requiring all Arabs to prove they're not terrorists.
Boycott of Arizona limited since most people avoided going there to begin with.
16. Tiger Woods Infidelities – Did I mention there were really terrible floods in Pakistan? I didn't? Oh, well nobody else did either but hey, I hear Tiger Woods got a little action on the side!