Favorite Horror Films

It's Halloween and I'm thinking horror films. What are my favorites?

Number one would have to be Night Of The Living Dead. Claustrophobic, creepy, tense, socially relavent, beautifully shot and the most disturbing ending one could possibly imagine. The movie still scares the hell out of me and I watch it at least once a year.

Blair Witch Project is way up on my list as well. I watched it at an advanced screening a couple of days before it was officially released. The screening was at midnight and afterwards nobody wanted to walk home. When I did finally get home I took a shower with one eye open even as I washed my hair.

Dawn of The Dead, both versions, The Others, the made for TV Salem's Lot, Dr. Caligaries Cabinet, Maniac, Suspiria, Poltergiest, American Werewolf in London, reanimator and the 1st Nightmare Before Elm Street are all flicks that shook me up.

The hard core horror fans will find my list quite pedestian but I find too many folks just go in for the gore. Don't get me wrong, I love good gore, but a movie can scare me with or without gore and gore can also fail to scare me, even as it amazes me, if the writing isn't there. So, while I love gore flicks for their humor and inventiveness I don't think of all of them as horror films. Here are some gore and trash flicks that I reccommend.

2,000 Maniacs, Bucket of Blood (Corman at his best), Dead Alive, Evil Dead, Necromantic, there's more, but I have to go trick or treat. I'll put up pictures of our super decorated monster front yard soon. Having Skinner for a neighbor rules.

I have some experience showing horror films http://allmyjobs.blogspot.com/2005/10/tuesday-night-grindhouse.html.

New Poems

I write more poetry when the seasons are changing. Spring and Fall just bring it out of me. There's several new ones at www.kljpoems.blogspot.com.

Midnight Of My Life

I went to HQ last night to see The Midnight Of My Life, a fun horror movie made by my friend Bob and starring Amber, Becca, myself and other good friends.

This is the first time I've seen it since the premeir at The Crest last year. It was fun seeing myself playing this cheesey psychiatrist, but the real fun was the scenes we played totally straight where I'm chasing Becca around with an axe while I'm posessed by an evil witch. It was a-lot of fun. I look forward to doing more film work. I like collaborating with people but I will get more done faster if I get my own equipment. Someday soon I hope.

The photo on the right is Amber and I as ghouls with Bob for a press photo shoot that The Sacramento Bee was doing on the movie's premier. We were on the front page of the entertainment section.

Interviewing Daisy Spot

I just interviewed Daisy Spot for an article I'm doing in the News and Review.
This was exciting as I've been a fan for over a decade.
Mike Farrell is one of my favorite local characters, musicans, fashion icons. He's also a really sweet, sincere and amazingly talented guy. Tatiana, well, she's beautiful; heavy lidded, pouty lipped, soft voice, thick dark hair.
An embarassing little admission; I was hanging out with Patrick once and we were being very boy, and talking about how beautiful Tatiana was and I wrote a three page screen play for her called Tatiana's big shower scene. Dumb kid crush stuff, but Patrick made copies, with my FULL NAME on them. I don't know if one ever got to her, but I'm afraid to ask.
The script later became Keith's Big Shower Scene as performed by my comedy troupe. Teee hee.

Some Shtick

I'm trying to decide how interested I am in continuing to do stand up comedy. I'll be taking a three month break while I work on ICBINC's next show so it's a good time to see if I miss it. Here's some of the shtick I've done onstage. It's of course funnier when I read it then when you read it, cuz you're timing sucks. Enjoy.

"Do you think plastic surgeons recognize eating disorders as 'The Competition?' "

"The hardest part about being an atheist? What do I say when someone sneezes? 'Ah Choo.' 'Oh, uh, hey listen, there's no god, so you should probably go wash your hands now.' "

"I'm the white comedian tonight. I didn't draw the short straw or anything, I'm just good at it. I got it down. In fact just before I came out here I was back stage oppressing the other comedians. Yeah, and twice today I used the word Yo completely out of context."

"Science can be fun. It's known that a cat falling less than seven stories is more likely to get hurt than a cat falling more than seven stories, even up to 20 plus stories. Think of the experimenting that gave us this information. Science can be fun."

"It's true the headliner tonight is Indian, and the opener is black, and this club is owned by a Mexican, but you can all relax. There's also three white guys on the bill so we're still the majority, and one of us is running the show. So you see, it's just the kind of diversity us liberals love."

"Why do you guys applaude when someone says they just had a baby? What are you applauding? The condom broke. Someone drank too much. She forgot the pill. Don't applaud that. I've been having sex for more than a decade. No kids. Applaud that! Six billion people on the planet and your applauding the biggest mistake this guy's ever made!"

"I went to catholic school. Nobody ever tried to molest me. . . Do you think I'm pretty?"

"Ask someone why they hate homos and they'll tell you, 'It goes against nature.' I find this dedication to nature perplexing. These are generally not Greenpeace supporters.
But, look at the centerfolds of their magazines and you will see "turn on's include long walks on the beach, honesty and nature." So, either we're a country of men who love nature, or we just love girls with great big fake tits who love nature."

"There is a feminist cigarette?!? How does that work? 'Here, put this phallic symbol in you mouth, suck on it, and die. . . Sister.' "

"Why do they have these milk programs at all the inner city schools? These schools tend to have a-lot of minority students. Are they trying to whiten 'em up? Is Farrakhan in some nice suburb somewhere pushing for a chocolate milk program? When I was in school, I didn't understand what race was, I just knew the mexican kids had little pink cards that let them get free milk. And if traded a couple of my dad's cigarettes for a pink card, I could be a mexican too!"

"Workin' in a pet store was great. Where else is it appropriate to discuss lactating bitches in heat with old ladies. "

LINKS

I've decided to start a links page to list my bestest pals online, though most are pals offline too. I'll be adding to this and eventually I'll put a direct link to in on the side bar. Feel free to request links, and PLEASE link to www.rockass.net. Thanks.

www.RetroCrush.com I spend a-lot of time in the forums here. Robert's a friend and very funny guy. There are actually a number of articles by me in the archives too.

www.cockeyed.com Possibly the coolest site on the internet.

www.NotComedy.com My comedy troupe, there are some good video clips on line here.

www.afcinema.net We're doing the panhandling documentary together

www.johnthereverend.com The reverend is my oldest brother. Poor fella.

www.bodytribe.com Chip is a great musician, pal, friend and sexy hunk.

www.epiphanysink.com A-lot of the pics in the background are from ES films.

www.BobBarango.com He is the man, he is the man, he is.... the man

www.theartofskinner.com My downstairs neighbor totally rocks.

www.writegrrrl.com My friend Rachel's blog. I like to leave comments.

www.HorseCow.com They do cool things.

www.HeadInjuryTheater.com Cool illustrations. He's done some for my Jobs blog.

www.TheCrest.com Where it all happens baby.

www.vivalaluchalibre.net Masked action

www.theholyconsumption.com Jeffrey Brown is a brilliant comic book artist/writer and a heck of a nice guy too

http://sacrag.com/ This blog seems like a nice enough Sacto area blog, and they linked me so I thought I'd return the favor. Hope they can handle the huge jump in hits this will surely give them.

www.badmouth.net These fine folks got the panhanlding banana linked on fark.com

New Job Story

I put up a story from my cousin Andy on my Jobs blog. Andy was a cop in New York and the story is beautiful and brutal. Other recent posts include stories from a spammer and a sperm donor.
Click HERE to visit that blog.

ch ch ch changes

What? Where the hell did RockAss.net with all the stories and what-not go?

I've got a bunch of blogs, all getting readership seperate from each other. I'm working on combinning them all via this page, a sort of hub for my varied writings and activities.

So, bare with me as I work it out. In the meanwhile the old RockAss.net stories are at www.rockass.net/mostlytrue My work stories, written by me and others are at www.Rockass.net/allmyjobs
My panhandling adventures can be followed at www.rockass.net/panhandling
My poetry is at www.kljpoems.blogspot.com
and the fiction is at www.rockass.net/fiction .

Enjoy and please do check back.

Photoshop Winners

FIRST PLACE
Rat Pack Fly by Mark Lahey
Mark Lahey did this beauty on the first day of the contest, which put the bar real high, and while everyone gave us their A game, they never did mange to knock mark out. Good work man. Scroll down for Mark's other entries.

SECOND PLACE
The Last Swatter by Nick Roberts

Click image to enlarge.

This is and amazing piece by Nick Roberts, a local Sacramento cat with many nick names. I had the picture up on the site for days before it occured to me just how sick and wrong it is. And then a few days after that I noticed the little piles of poo on every plate. I'd definately have to call this a close second. Hey Nick, send me your website info. so I can link you.

THIRD PLACE

Francois, being the staunch capitolist pig that he is was not so crazy about this one, but I love it and insisted it find it's place in the top three. Great work Brett.

Honorable Mentions

Fly Paper by Charlie Moreno of www.TaintedHumor.net
I actually have this set as the wallpaper on my computer.


Francois Fly Action Figure (with Poo) by Tom Knockoff

The action figure comes with a mic, AND POO! Tom sent another cool one, but it got lost. Can ya resent it Tom?


More from 1st Place Winner Mark Lahery






One More From Second Place Winner Nick Roberts


More From Third Place Winner Bret Wilson

Jason Adair sent this great one titled Fly On Shit


And Tor Get's a Special Nod for Quantity of Photoshops and Quantity of Drugs Consumed. Thanks a Million Tor!