Thursday, February 2, 2012

Facebook Comment Lameness

Please, let me help you help me not be annoyed when reading comments on facebook. The following are comments which suck and you should stop making them immediately. Please, use the comment section here to share your FB comment pet peeves.

Why Is Anyone Surprised?
Um... do you just assume that anything we share is shared out of surprise? I didn't type WOAH! I didn't say, HOLY BAT TURDS, ROBIN! I just posted a link about some shit that happened, thought we might discuss it. Maybe you have a quota of comments to make per hour and that one fills the bill without having to actually read the post your commenting on? When I post and someone doesn't comment "Why Are You Surprised?" I'm surprised.

Sheople, Robots, End of The World, Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Look, I'm not even gonna bash you for liking RP, but come on man, (and yes, if you like Ron Paul you're almost for sure a man, and white) we're talking about The Lord of The Rings. Why, why, why do you have to comment on EVERY fucking post about how we're all sheople and robots marching to our doom? If you changed your name on Facebook to include a pro Paul statement, please wait until I post something about Paul before you talk to me. (Okay, so I did bash on you a little bit.)

Fuckin' Hipsters
Hatin' hipsters is so hip that hipster haters must now hate themselves which will hopefully result in mass suicides cutting down on overpopulation and ending the whole hipster hating trend. From what I see hipsters are fun, creative, sometimes silly people who are way less concerned with you than you are with them. I like 'em.

Google it!
No, I'm not going to do your research to prove your point. YOU google it and then quote your sources when you find 'em. Google is not a source. Vote for Ron Paul.

If you don't like it then just don't watch/listen to/buy it
If you don't like me reviewing things, particularly things which failed to impress me, why not take your own advice and stop reading?

I'll pray for you, Want a hamburger
Telling atheists you'll pray for 'em and offering vegans a hamburger isn't offensive or edgy it's just really, really played out and boring. My brother Erick has been offering me a hamburger for twenty years now, that shit is tired. (Except when you do it bro, HILARIOUS!)

Who Cares?
Take a guess. If you guessed, I do and thats why I posted this, you are correct. Also would have accepted, The Other Commenters and thats why they are discussing it. But thank you for letting us know that you don't care because we care whether or not you care. Take care.

Hello 2009
Oh, you mean you knew about this band three years ago? Shit, sorry, I'll stop listening to them immediately and will refrain from enjoying them until they're old enough to be retro and then I'll rush to enjoy 'em as quickly as possible before their revival also becomes passe.

Vote For Ron Paul, Wanna Hamburger, Why are you Surprised, etc?
Yes, someone is reading this list right now and getting all excited about hitting the comment button and doing one or more or all of the things that I am complaining about because that is hilarious, oh so fucking hilarious. It makes me wish I'd written a post about how much I hate when people put their head in an oven with the pilot light out and the gas on high.


Anonymous said...

Now I have nothing to say. THANKS KEITH!

KLJ said...

No, no, that's perfect. You nailed it. :D
Oh, and you're welcome.

Valerie said...

I think a list of unfunny and/or unoriginal things to say to vegetarians/vegans is worth expanding on. One of my favorites is the need for people to let you know what meat they couldn't live without.. or just to describe in detail what their favorite meaty meal is. So fun!

Sorry for my annoying comment.. but I just really like you and..I'm sorry, papa.

Anonymous said...

That's not much of a list. Clearly you have only taken the tip of the ignorance rape that is the internet.

Wait until you see your words copy and pasted deep into the heart of Texas. Then you will have taken the first step to wisdom my friend.