Genuine Faux

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I'm doing this comic strip with Junior Bruce and I'm really excited about it. I don't think blogger is the best place to showcase it but I wanted to share right away. Watch for an official page soon. Advice more than welcome. Click here for more comics.

My New Album Coming Out on Stand Up! Records

Visit  StandUpRecords.com

The short version is, I'm releasing my third comedy album and this time around I'll be on the super cool indy label Stand Up! Records. We're recording it at SF Punch Line on July 17th and 18th.

Now then, here is the long version:

Somewhere shy of a decade ago I sent Dan Schlissel of Stand Up! Records a CD I'd made with a sketch comedy troupe called I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy, and some clips of me doing comedy dressed as a fly.

Regarding the sketch CD Dan wrote back, "There are moments of brilliance" and he asked me to keep in touch. Thus began years of Dan mentoring me via email and the occasional phone call as I worked to find my voice, a journey I'm still on and one which I may continue on for the rest of my life.

I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy's CD

I believe you get good at doing something by doing it and I'm stubborn enough to do something as many times as it takes to get good at it. With this in mind I started making stand up comedy albums. I am proud of the two I've produced so far. Dan saw marked improvement from one to the next. I was excited to share my most recent material with Dan via clips I mailed to him on DVD, feeling like I'd really hit my stride. To my delight he has decided that its time for me to join the Stand Up Records family. This puts me in AMAZING company. See their Wikipedia page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stand_Up!_Records) for a list of the fantastic comics who've put CDs and even records out with Stand Up!

So Mr. Schlissel and I will be meeting face to face for the first time when he flies out to San Francisco to oversee the taping of my Punchline Comedy Club sets on July 17th and 18th. I hope to pack the house with enthusiastic fans and I'm very pleased with the material I've got to draw from. I will do two different sets between the two nights, though of course there will be some overlap. I hope you can make it!

The Ron Paul Fans!

In Chico last night a woman raised her hand during my set. "Did you just raise your hand?"

She wouldn't talk to me so, though I don't generally pick on my audience, I made fun of her a little bit. I continued my act and she continued to glare at me which of course drew my attention back to her again and again. She told me that SHE knew why she raised her hand. "Okay then, pray tell, why did you raise your hand?" Again the silent treatment. It was a secret? I asked her name. "Um... Rhonda." "You're a terrible liar. You're name so isn't Rhonda."

I felt bad that someone didn't enjoy themselves at my show. I offered her a free CD but of course a free CD of someone you think is a dick isn't much of a consolation.

Then things really got good. I ran into her and her boyfriend, a guy I actually have highschool friends in common with, at a bar after the show. There she explained that she was not upset that I was picking on her. She was upset that I was picking on Ron Paul. While discussing state's rights the subject of slavery came up and her boyfriend said the line of the night. "If people want to have slaves, and other people want to be slaves..."

"WAIT! DID YOU JUST SAY 'PEOPLE WANT TO BE SLAVES?!"

"Dude, its a fact, there were slaves who were worse off after they were freed."

"YEAH, BECAUSE THEY'D BEEN ENSLAVED AND THEN JUST DUMPED IRRESPONSIBLY IN MOST CASES WITH LITTLE OR NO SUPPORT!!!"

He drew an analogy to my saying that pot should be up the individual to decide. Slavery should also be up to the individual. I managed to get my voice back down, both in volume and pitch. "Um... if an individual wants to enter into an SNM, BND situation I don't think anyone's stopping 'em."

I left Chico feeling MUCH better about having offended them knowing that they so thoroughly deserved to be offended. Oh, and her name wasn't Rhonda.

For the record the rest of the audience had a great time!

Facebook Comment Lameness

Please, let me help you help me not be annoyed when reading comments on facebook. The following are comments which suck and you should stop making them immediately. Please, use the comment section here to share your FB comment pet peeves.

Why Is Anyone Surprised?
Um... do you just assume that anything we share is shared out of surprise? I didn't type WOAH! I didn't say, HOLY BAT TURDS, ROBIN! I just posted a link about some shit that happened, thought we might discuss it. Maybe you have a quota of comments to make per hour and that one fills the bill without having to actually read the post your commenting on? When I post and someone doesn't comment "Why Are You Surprised?" I'm surprised.

Sheople, Robots, End of The World, Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Look, I'm not even gonna bash you for liking RP, but come on man, (and yes, if you like Ron Paul you're almost for sure a man, and white) we're talking about The Lord of The Rings. Why, why, why do you have to comment on EVERY fucking post about how we're all sheople and robots marching to our doom? If you changed your name on Facebook to include a pro Paul statement, please wait until I post something about Paul before you talk to me. (Okay, so I did bash on you a little bit.)

Fuckin' Hipsters
Hatin' hipsters is so hip that hipster haters must now hate themselves which will hopefully result in mass suicides cutting down on overpopulation and ending the whole hipster hating trend. From what I see hipsters are fun, creative, sometimes silly people who are way less concerned with you than you are with them. I like 'em.

Google it!
No, I'm not going to do your research to prove your point. YOU google it and then quote your sources when you find 'em. Google is not a source. Vote for Ron Paul.

If you don't like it then just don't watch/listen to/buy it
If you don't like me reviewing things, particularly things which failed to impress me, why not take your own advice and stop reading?

I'll pray for you, Want a hamburger
Telling atheists you'll pray for 'em and offering vegans a hamburger isn't offensive or edgy it's just really, really played out and boring. My brother Erick has been offering me a hamburger for twenty years now, that shit is tired. (Except when you do it bro, HILARIOUS!)

Who Cares?
Take a guess. If you guessed, I do and thats why I posted this, you are correct. Also would have accepted, The Other Commenters and thats why they are discussing it. But thank you for letting us know that you don't care because we care whether or not you care. Take care.

Hello 2009
Oh, you mean you knew about this band three years ago? Shit, sorry, I'll stop listening to them immediately and will refrain from enjoying them until they're old enough to be retro and then I'll rush to enjoy 'em as quickly as possible before their revival also becomes passe.

Vote For Ron Paul, Wanna Hamburger, Why are you Surprised, etc?
Yes, someone is reading this list right now and getting all excited about hitting the comment button and doing one or more or all of the things that I am complaining about because that is hilarious, oh so fucking hilarious. It makes me wish I'd written a post about how much I hate when people put their head in an oven with the pilot light out and the gas on high.