Penance

I started out as a Catholic and it had a lasting effect.

You probably think I'm going to say I feel guilt. I do, but I don't attribute that to Catholicism. Everyone with a mom thinks their people have the corner on guilt. No, it's not guilt that was uniquely Catholic it was the awesome system of alleviating guilt. Catholicism actually gave you a really quick way to to assuage the guilt.

If I do something wrong now it's gonna bug me and to cure that, I gotta fix it, make it right. If that's impossible then I just gotta live with it. If I was still on the Pope's good side though, I could do a penance. What I wouldn't give to just do a penance instead of all this apologizing and making amends crap. But there is no secular equivalent and that is too bad. What I wouldn't give to be able to just tell some voyerstic bastard what jacked up thing I did and then have him assign "Three The Gamblers by Kenny Rogers, and two dirty limericks, then come up with an original haiku and you're clear."

"That's it? I don't even have to bury the cat or anything?"

"No man, you're cool. On second thought, better throw in an extra haiku and hum something from the eighties."