RockAss.net / AtheistComedian.com

The Ron Paul Fans!

2012-02-19T11:05:00.000-08:00

In Chico last night a woman raised her hand during my set. "Did you just raise your hand?"

She wouldn't talk to me so, though I don't generally pick on my audience, I made fun of her a little bit. I continued my act and she continued to glare at me which of course drew my attention back to her again and again. She told me that SHE knew why she raised her hand. "Okay then, pray tell, why did you raise your hand?" Again the silent treatment. It was a secret? I asked her name. "Um... Rhonda." "You're a terrible liar. You're name so isn't Rhonda."

I felt bad that someone didn't enjoy themselves at my show. I offered her a free CD but of course a free CD of someone you think is a dick isn't much of a consolation.

Then things really got good. I ran into her and her boyfriend, a guy I actually have highschool friends in common with, at a bar after the show. There she explained that she was not upset that I was picking on her. She was upset that I was picking on Ron Paul. While discussing state's rights the subject of slavery came up and her boyfriend said the line of the night. "If people want to have slaves, and other people want to be slaves..."

"WAIT! DID YOU JUST SAY 'PEOPLE WANT TO BE SLAVES?!"

"Dude, its a fact, there were slaves who were worse off after they were freed."

"YEAH, BECAUSE THEY'D BEEN ENSLAVED AND THEN JUST DUMPED IRRESPONSIBLY IN MOST CASES WITH LITTLE OR NO SUPPORT!!!"

He drew an analogy to my saying that pot should be up the individual to decide. Slavery should also be up to the individual. I managed to get my voice back down, both in volume and pitch. "Um... if an individual wants to enter into an SNM, BND situation I don't think anyone's stopping 'em."

I left Chico feeling MUCH better about having offended them knowing that they so thoroughly deserved to be offended. Oh, and her name wasn't Rhonda.

For the record the rest of the audience had a great time!

Facebook Comment Lameness

2012-02-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

Please, let me help you help me not be annoyed when reading comments on facebook. The following are comments which suck and you should stop making them immediately. Please, use the comment section here to share your FB comment pet peeves.

Why Is Anyone Surprised?
Um... do you just assume that anything we share is shared out of surprise? I didn't type WOAH! I didn't say, HOLY BAT TURDS, ROBIN! I just posted a link about some shit that happened, thought we might discuss it. Maybe you have a quota of comments to make per hour and that one fills the bill without having to actually read the post your commenting on? When I post and someone doesn't comment "Why Are You Surprised?" I'm surprised.

Sheople, Robots, End of The World, Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Look, I'm not even gonna bash you for liking RP, but come on man, (and yes, if you like Ron Paul you're almost for sure a man, and white) we're talking about The Lord of The Rings. Why, why, why do you have to comment on EVERY fucking post about how we're all sheople and robots marching to our doom? If you changed your name on Facebook to include a pro Paul statement, please wait until I post something about Paul before you talk to me. (Okay, so I did bash on you a little bit.)

Fuckin' Hipsters
Hatin' hipsters is so hip that hipster haters must now hate themselves which will hopefully result in mass suicides cutting down on overpopulation and ending the whole hipster hating trend. From what I see hipsters are fun, creative, sometimes silly people who are way less concerned with you than you are with them. I like 'em.

Google it!
No, I'm not going to do your research to prove your point. YOU google it and then quote your sources when you find 'em. Google is not a source. Vote for Ron Paul.

If you don't like it then just don't watch/listen to/buy it
If you don't like me reviewing things, particularly things which failed to impress me, why not take your own advice and stop reading?

I'll pray for you, Want a hamburger
Telling atheists you'll pray for 'em and offering vegans a hamburger isn't offensive or edgy it's just really, really played out and boring. My brother Erick has been offering me a hamburger for twenty years now, that shit is tired. (Except when you do it bro, HILARIOUS!)

Who Cares?
Take a guess. If you guessed, I do and thats why I posted this, you are correct. Also would have accepted, The Other Commenters and thats why they are discussing it. But thank you for letting us know that you don't care because we care whether or not you care. Take care.

Hello 2009
Oh, you mean you knew about this band three years ago? Shit, sorry, I'll stop listening to them immediately and will refrain from enjoying them until they're old enough to be retro and then I'll rush to enjoy 'em as quickly as possible before their revival also becomes passe.

Vote For Ron Paul, Wanna Hamburger, Why are you Surprised, etc?
Yes, someone is reading this list right now and getting all excited about hitting the comment button and doing one or more or all of the things that I am complaining about because that is hilarious, oh so fucking hilarious. It makes me wish I'd written a post about how much I hate when people put their head in an oven with the pilot light out and the gas on high.

Arguing with Libertarians About Apples

2012-01-24T12:19:00.000-08:00

"I would like to ask you to answer this question with yes or no: "If If I pick apples and somebody comes and takes more than half (roughly 65% in my country) to help somebody else, is this ethical?"

How many apples are you picking? Are you being a greedy pig and picking so many apples that the rest of us are like, What the fuck? Where'd the apples go? Are you then selling your apples for prices that most of us can't afford and even throwing away some excess apples because you make more money selling a few at high prices than you would by selling all of them for a reasonable price and you can't give away the extras lest you devalue your apples which as I've said are now CRAZY valuable because such a small minority control the apple market?

Is that whats happening? Because in that case my answer is YES. Totally ethical.

Atheist Church Seeking Producer

2012-01-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

I'm looking for someone to help me produce Atheist Church. I have over 5,000 youtube subscribers but I'm not having time to keep up with what was a weekly show for the first two years.
I have a nice camera, a Cannon GL2, though unfortunately it does use MiniDV tapes where I'd prefer to go digital.

What I'm looking for is someone to operate the camera, help edit and upload and someone with the technical know how to help me record Skype interviews with atheists of interest around the globe and to do live video chats as well.

What I can offer is a share in the youtube ad revenue, which at the moment is not much but I feel very strongly that it could be much more. And of course you'd be fully credited.

I got off to a great start doing just an amateur vlog type thing but I think we can take this think up a notch and really make it into something special.

The Black Out

2012-01-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went 24 hours without the Internet in support of the Black Out to protest SOPA. It was an amazing thing to be part of with major websites like Wikipedia and Craigslist going dark for the day and even Google giving a nod of support. I kept notes throughout the day.

6am: Phone alarm woke me up and I immediately reached for phone so that I could look at google news while doing my important morning business in the bathroom, then I remembered no Internet today.
Looked at phone again, saw green blinking light indicating I had new messages on GMail, was reaching to check, oh wait, no Internet today.
Looked at the time, I’d been awake for less than 5 minutes. I’d reached for the Internet twice.

7:40am Peaked at newsstands on my walk to work, Newsstands were empty. Dammit.
Thought about texting comedian friends who I knew would be sleeping. Seemed like it would be funny and would give me some of the human interaction and idle chatter that normally fills my day.

8:10am Muscle memory wants to type or touch a screen. I decide to play bejeweled. It’s on my phone already, no internet. I open it up and realize it’s a conduit for advertising… from the internet. That’s why its free. No Bejeweled.

8:30am Thinking about how to get to my 1st appt. of the day. No Google maps. Does phone GPS use internet? I know it uses satellite but I’m not sure if it utilized the internet or not. I wish I could look it up. I’d ask my friend Ian. He knows about this kind of thing… but the only contact I have for Ian is via Facebook or email.

8:35am Radio would be nice. I don’t have one at work. Normally I listen via the internet. Can’t wait to go to appt. so I can listen to the news in my truck. I’m sure they use the internet in many ways to broadcast but I will just be listening via an old fashioned antenna.

8:45 I find some music saved on my hard drive. My goddamn Windows Media Player won’t play it unless I update which involves using the internet. I’d use a different player but I don’t have one on this computer and to download one WOULD INVOLVE USING THE FUCKING INTERNET. MY BOSS IS WALKING AROUND SINGING SMASHING PUMPKINS AND NOT EVEN GOOD SMASHING PUMPKINS BUT SHIT OFF OF MELON CHOLLY AND THE INFINITE SADNESS OR WHATEVER THEIR DOUBLE ALBUM OF WHINY BULLSHIT IS CALLED! Damn, I hope SOPA don’t pass. I don’t want this suffering to be in vain. Sure, you think I’m being melodramatic. I’ll record my boss singing, then we’ll see who is being melodramatic.

Texted comedian friend Johnny Taylor. “I miss the internet” “Entertain me monkey” “First read me the news” “Then sing me my favorite songs” It’s been five minutes and he has not replied.

I want to go on Facebook just to see who is on Facebook though I wouldn’t be able to call them out for being on facebook lest I reveal I also am on Facebook so I’ll just stay off of Facebook. I remember opening my eyes during church prayer to see who else had opened their eyes during church prayer. I think this is how atheists find each other at church. WAIT! Have we left the internet to the conservatives for 24 hours? Good thing they don’t really understand it that well or that might be a problem.

8:50 Am I NON-Live Tweeting the BlackOut? Can’t wait to blog this, but I will.
Johnny Taylor must still be sleeping. Asshole.
Johnny texted back: What did we do before the internet?
Me “I don’t remember.” “Was there something called sex?” “That’d be hilarious if a new population explosion starts today.” “”I guess we’ll see in 9 months”
Johnny: “I’m not familiar with this sex of which you speak”

8:55am I wonder if criminal types will take advantage of a large number of people being offline?
Text from Johnny: “I already forgot about the blackout and checked my facebook. I’m terrible at protesting”
Me: “What did you see? What’s going on? Tell me everything?!” “Any hot girls post new profile pics?”
Johnny: “I got poked by a couple of people. My old friend Sam Starks sent me a message. People are talking SOPA and the reddit and Wikipedia blackouts. Laura Kimball posted about it.” “I think so. Its bound to happen.”

9:10am
Me to Conservative Boss: So what do you think of this black out thing?
Boss: Why are they doing it?
Me: There are bills in congress that would give Washington power to censor the internet.
Boss (Sarcastically): Oh, who did that? Bush?
Me: Dude, I don’t blame everything on Bush nor do I think Obama is anywhere near perfect, but Obama has come actually out against it.
Boss: Then why worry? He’ll just veto it.
Me: Can’t take that chance, and fuck congress for even considering it.
Boss: Why don’t you just do what Obama does and blame Bush?
Me: I haven’t heard him blame Bush for anything that Bush didn’t actually do. Bush did crash this car.
Boss: But he didn’t total it.
OH MAN, I’m talking to my boss. That’s not a good idea. How desperate am I? Goddamn I need you internet!!! Calgon.com take me away! (That’s a joke for old people. Even older than me.)
Remembered I have a CD that Kepi Ghoulie gave me. Oh thank you Kepi!
Singing along: “She’s got a brain scramblin’ device and I feel it in my he-e-ead…”

9:22 Thought about sending Kepi a note to tell him how much I’m digging this album… then I remembered. I’ll send him a note tomorrow.

12:25 Went out, listened to radio, NPR, was excited to hear the black out mentioned Got interested in a story on the West Memphis 3, had to sit in truck to hear it since I wouldn’t be able to pull it up on the computer.
Phone keeps telling me I have emails. Should’ve turned that off yesterday. I keep thinking about what emails I might have. Is a festival writing to tell me I got in? Is someone offering me a last minute booking that they need filled right away? Is Conan O’Brien writing to ask if I can come do his show and maybe hang out, go to Disneyland, do some writing? Most likely I’m just getting spam emails from progressive lists I subscribe to telling me about the black out.

I hope tonight’s show does well. I don’t know how important “day of” reminders are. We’ll see. Super impressed with Wikipedia. I think a small donation to them will be one of the first things I do when I get back online. I’ve been meaning to send them a few bucks for awhile but they really stepped up on this one.

12:45: Listening to Phenonomnauts CD given to me by the band when we did an atheist event together. Ah CDs, will anyone romanticize them the way tapes and records are romanticized? The overlap between pining for records, and CDs starting towards obsolescence may be enough to push them into the dustbin of history without a lot poetry being written on their behalf. Enjoying the Phenomonauts. I hope I remember to drop ‘em a line tomorrow.

Maybe I should make a “to do” list for tomorrow? Maybe I should write it on a sheet of tree pulp like in the old days. I’ll need to find one of those ink straws.

1:29 Oh Jesus H. Christ office life is boring without the internet. I always say that the internet was the death of American productivity but maybe it actually makes sitting at a desk all day tolerable. I AM SO BORED I MAY HAVE TO PLAY MINESWEEPER!

1:40 I got down to 75 seconds on Minesweeper. I think that’s gonna have to do.

1:44: Maybe I can shave a few more seconds off my score.

1:49: Minesweeper 35 seconds. If I ever do this again I’m making arrangements for music.

2:57 Minesweeper 24 seconds

3:05 I got the Velvet Underground to play through Spotify. Spotify is probably accessing the internet but the files it’s playing for me are stored locally on my machine and I’m not looking at the Spotify player. Cheating? Probably.

6:19pm Text from my brother “They are giving out free boobs on the internet quick go on”
Me: “liar”
Brother: “Whatever I am literally surrounded by boobs”

7:30 The venue is empty except for comics. Seriously, is a day of post on Facebook that important?

8:00 Crowded room, nice. Audience was just late. Who needs you internet?! The night’s headliner Jason Resler makes a few comments on the black out. I think that most of the crowd has no idea what he’s talking about.

10:15pm, I try to rationalize that I got offline more than 24 hours ago so its okay to take a peak at my email and facebook before turning in. I decide that having one full day, one full waking cycle, without the internet is good for me. Its more of a personal thing at this point. Off to bed.

1/19/12 6am INTERNET!!! OH INTERNET! I’VE MISSED YOU SO! What wonders do you have for me today? Hmmmm. Kind of boring. Oh well, Pandora, play me some music. Hang on Spotify, I’ll get to you…

Oh yeah, and Fuck You SOPA!

Don G, Douche

2011-12-29T08:16:00.000-08:00

Looks like Don G got some press from The News and Review. Congrats Don. "Geronimo out-douched the douches" http://www.newsreview.com/sacramento/whats-up-grinches/content?oid=4715847

Religion in School Animated Typography Video

2011-12-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

Jack Bensinger contacted me saying that he was a fan of my comedy and wanting to use some audio of me for a school project. This is that project. I hope he got an A+, I love it!
My other fans are gonna need to step up their game.

SF Sketchfest

2011-11-22T12:47:00.000-08:00

I have been invited to perform at the 2012 San Francisco Sketchfest, one of the coolest comedy festivals in the country and I couldn't be more excited. I'm booked for three shows at the fest.

I'm performing on January 20th on The Stand Up Showcase at The Purple Onion.

On January 27th and 28th I'm hosting the Myq Kaplan and Sheng Wang show at The SF Punch Line!

See my calendar on the right of this site for specifics (Double click on the date you want more info. on)

Reviews for Cats Made of Rabbits

2011-11-11T12:51:00.000-08:00

I'm very pleased, stoked even, with the reviews for Cats Made of Rabbits so far. Its nerve wracking when you finish a project and send it out and then you wait, at the mercy of the critics. One of the first responses I got was a text from Mark S. Allen of Mark at The Movies saying it was "Brilliant" and "F@(*ing Fabulous". This had me feeling confident as I waited for more feedback. Here are some highlights with links to the articles. You can buy the album or DVD here: Amazon.com or at KLJShop.com, iTunes and lots of other places.

"4 STARS!"
TimeOut New York

"Cats Made of Rabbits is every bit as deserving of your laughter as one by Jim Gaffigan or Louis C.K."
www.justpressplay.net

"The best part of Jensen’s “Cats Made of Rabbits” was his take on duck vaginas. His transition into the unusual subject was classic. And in trademark Jensen style, the crowd gets to learn from him about something they never thought they would hear at a comedy show."
AmericasComedy.com

"a fun and funny DVD that is well worth watching"
Mass Movement Magazine, UK

"covering job hunting, marijuana legalization and a wonderful atheist knock-knock joke there is some genuinely entertaining material here"
DVDTalk.com

"Jensen’s act is at its strongest when he is weaving stories down bizarre pathways"
TheCelebrityCafe.com

"Jensen is an engaging personality and, while edgy and – for the narrow-minded – offensive, he’s not abrasive. He’s genial and friendly and draws you in with his understated style. And, he’ll make you laugh. Out loud."
Corazine

"The way he describes his own homophobia is hysterical"
FFanzeen

"don't let the "atheist" tag fool you, as Lowell Jensen has much more to offer than just that"
GoatsEnd

"one might get the idea that Jensen is really weird"
Sacramento News and Review

"very funny, original, and sometimes daring"
www.theseriouscomedysite.com

Why Lie? I Need a Drink, watch it free right here

2011-10-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

My documentary film, Why Lie? I Need a Drink has been reissued as part of Double Plus Good, a box set along with my 2009 comedy album To The Moon. The distributor has decided to put the film on youtube in its entirety. Enjoy.

Click here to buy the box set Double Plus Good.

Four Stars from Time Out New York!

2011-10-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

I'll put a full list of reviews soon, but today I'm all excited about this:
http://newyork.timeout.com/music-nightlife/comedy/2070785/ha-ha-at-home

"Jensen is someone who stands out in a regular-guy-in-beige-corduroy kind of way. His “dry dreams” of dendrophilia—that’s having sex with trees—might sound weird, but his language and delivery get the laughs before anyone considers the WTF factor."

They gave me the same number or stars they gave Patton Oswalt and one more than Doug Benson got! Wow!

Here's another great review from Just Press Play: http://www.justpressplay.net/articles/8608-make-em-laugh-keith-lowell-jensens-qcats-made-of-rabbitsq.html

You can buy Cats Made of Rabbits on DVD, CD or MP3 from Amazon by clicking here.

And you can get my first CD, To The Moon from Amazon also, click here.

Seasons

2011-10-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

When I was little the four seasons were:
Fireworks season, Trick or Treat season, Presents season, and Chocolate Bunny season.

As I got older it became:
Girls riding bikes wearing tiny shorts season, girls in short skirts, leggings and tight sweaters season, girls in skin tight jeans and boots season, and girls in little dresses with bare legs season.

Now that I have a daughter its:
Relive fireworks, trick or treating, presents, and chocolate bunny happiness through my daughter's eyes.

But I dread that soon it will be:
Daughter wants to ride bike in little shorts season, daughter trying to sneak out in tiny skirt, leggings and tight sweater season, daughters jeans too tight season, and wife takes daughter's side in little dress debate season.

Upskirt Heaven

2011-10-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

By: Keith Lowell Jensen
Art: Bill Cleveland

Photo Quote

2011-09-29T11:35:00.001-07:00

My full length DVD on Youtube? For FREE?

2011-09-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

The distributors of my new album and DVD Cats Made of Rabbits have the radical idea that we should give the product away for free! It's not that uncommon these days actually though it kind of freaks me out. But, I work with them because I believe that they know what they're doing. It'd be silly of me to stand in their way as they do what they came on board to do. So, here you go dear comedy fans... Cats Made of Rabbits, all 75 minutes of it. Enjoy:

Ladies and Gentlemen... The Cars

2011-09-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

Art: Bill Cleveland
Writer: Keith Lowell Jensen

When I'm Rich!

2011-09-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

I love comics. Always thought I'd grow up to be involved in comics. I created comics in Junior High. I read mostly graphic novels these days, so much so that when my wife got my daughter Art Spiegelman's kids comic "Jack and The Box" my little girl was mostly excited that she was reading a real "comic book like daddy!" and always refers to it as "The comic book for babies."

I could draw pretty well as a kid but I didn't keep my chops up and whenever I'm tempted to get back into it I think "Great, just what you need, one more thing keeping your insanely busy life insanely busy." SO.... I hit up some friends who hit up some friends and then comic book super star Jeffrey Brown introduced me to Bill Cleveland, a friend of his whose art he admired and thought would be compatible with my sense of humor and voila.... COMIC!!!!

Click to enlarge
Art by Bill Cleveland, written by Keith Lowell Jensen

Look for more in coming weeks!

On Amazon and iTunes Now!

2011-09-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

NOW ON TOUR. CLICK HERE FOR DATES!

My album, two years in the making, is finally and at least unleashed on the public. I don't have a big label or lots of advertising dollars behind it so I'm getting the word out by blogging, youtubing, facebooking, tweeting and bugging my friends. If you buy one comedy album by a Sacramento based atheist comedian this year, I hope it's this one.
And I hope that you will help spread the word. Please, tell a friend, tweet, share on FB and Google+ and if we make this the little indy album that could I promise to personally arrange a cocaine and Twinkies(c) party for you with the celebrity of your choice.

It is available today at iTunes:
http://itunes.apple.com/album/cats-made-of-rabbits/id462911284?l=ja&v0=9988&ign-mpt=uo%3D1

And if you like a physical copy of it, it's also up at Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/Cats-Rabbits-Keith-Lowell-Jensen/dp/B0058OKQX4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1315931453&sr=8-2

In two weeks the DVD comes out. It can be purchased now at Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/Lowell-Jensen-Keith-Cats-Rabbits/dp/B0058OR3OY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315931453&sr=8-1

Here is a video trailer:

Cats Made of Rabbits, Comedy DVD / CD

2011-09-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

Buy Keith Lowell Jensen's Cats Made of Rabbits at Amazon, iTunes or at KLJShop.com.
The Perfect Christmas gift for atheists, comedy fans, or conservatives you want to piss off.

"4 STARS!"
TimeOut New York

"Cats Made of Rabbits is every bit as deserving of your laughter as one by Jim Gaffigan or Louis C.K."
www.justpressplay.net

"a fun and funny DVD that is well worth watching"
Mass Movement Magazine, UK

"covering job hunting, marijuana legalization and a wonderful atheist knock-knock joke there is some genuinely entertaining material here"
DVDTalk.com

"Jensen’s act is at its strongest when he is weaving stories down bizarre pathways"
TheCelebrityCafe.com

"Jensen is an engaging personality and, while edgy and – for the narrow-minded – offensive, he’s not abrasive. He’s genial and friendly and draws you in with his understated style. And, he’ll make you laugh. Out loud."
Corazine

"don't let the "atheist" tag fool you, as Lowell Jensen has much more to offer than just that"
GoatsEnd

"one might get the idea that Jensen is really weird"
Sacramento News and Review

"very funny, original, and sometimes daring"
www.theseriouscomedysite.com

September 11th

2011-09-11T14:33:00.001-07:00

Max and Max email exchange

2011-09-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

My 22 month old daughter Maxine got an email from Max, a cat that lives on my friend Brett's porch in Portland. I don't know who did the typing for cat Max, but I took dictation for my Max, and I typed her response exactly as it came from her mouth. Here is their exchange:

Hi Max

My name is Max to. I heard about you from one of your of your Dad's friend and when I found out we had the same name I wanted to write you to see if we could be friends. I live in Portland Oregon. Where do you live? I like to chase bugs, eat flowers and poop in the bushes. Do you like to chase bugs, eat flowers and poop in the bushes?

Hope to hear from you soon

Your friend
the other Max

Hi kitty cat, would I like to pet the kitty cat? Yes! Max pet the kitty cat.
I live in San Francisco in a house.
Kitty cat Max likes to poop in the bushes. Flowers, poop in the garden and poop in the bushes, poop in the bushes and I poop in the bushes, chase bugs.
Goodbye Kitty Cat!
Your friend,
Max

Riot In The Streets

2011-09-10T00:18:00.000-07:00

There are times when I feel compelled to riot in the streets. When they just push a little too far and it seems appropriate to riot in the streets. I imagine that many others around me feel the same but none of us know how to start rioting in the streets.

I'm gripped by fear. You see, one time, my dad took me to see The Rolling Stones. Keith Richards did a pretty bad ass solo and so I jumped up to give him his standing o. I figured we'd all be jumping, you know, for Keith. Over 60,000 people stayed seated and I was standing all by myself. I was stuck standing too because now I had to play it off like I didn't care, like they were the ones, all 60,000 plus of them, who should be embarassed, not me. I was giving Keith his due. It was a pretty damn fine solo.

I don't want to get caught out rioting in a crowd full of lame assholes who just sit on their asses. I'd get arrested for throwing a can through a window like Mookie in Do The Right Thing, only I'd be all by myself and the cops would just arrest me for vandalism. They wouldn't put Rioting In The Streets on my arrest record nor on my little plastic jail bracelet. I'd have to explain to the judge, "No your honor, I was rioting. Yeah, just by myself, sort of a solo riot. No, I thought there'd be others but no, not so much. Just me. Yes, your honor, I have learned my lesson. Next time I will have a planning committee and I'll check out the permitting process. Your honor, I think I know where I really blew it. I put some Nilsson on the boom box and nobody is going to riot to Nilsson. I really should've put on The Clash or maybe some Public Enemy. Yes your honor, Rage would be a good choice. Thanks for the tip."
So, anyone feel like rioting in the street?

Bros Before Hoes? Tweekers Before Huffers?

2011-09-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

This was taped at The Throckmorton Theatre in August. I was on the bill with Nick Aragon, Mark Pitta, Dana Carvey and Robin Williams.

Please, buy this DVD or CD now!

2011-09-06T14:27:00.000-07:00

My CD comes out in a week! Please pre-order it and tell a friend. The more presales we have when the release hits the harder Amazon will push it. It takes a good grass roots push and momentum to get an indy release noticed. I want to make this that indy release! Click anywhere on the image above to go the page at Amazon.

And for my DVD, which comes out just two week after the CD click on this image. Thanks!

Atheist Church; Meet Mr. Lizard

2011-09-04T13:07:00.001-07:00

While I was in Portland for the Bridgetown Comedy Festival I stayed with my friends Christy and Bret and their many scaled roommates. Being kept away by tortoise sex is one of the more unusual reasons for me showing up to a gig tired.