Thursday, October 12, 2017

The Boss

I was in an open relationship, which meant that my girlfriend had sex with other people.

I had this friend Jenny who I'd hang out with late at night and we'd paint each other's toenails. It was nice because, although we were totally platonic, my girlfriend would see my toenails painted after I'd been out until the wee hours of the morning and so at least she thought I was getting laid.

What was really happening between Jenny and I during these toenail painting sessions was that she'd make me like music I didn't like and liked not liking.

I'm there, soaking my feet in the tub, because she wasn't gonna paint 'em otherwise, and I'm really loving this passionate, folksy music she's got on.

Hey Jen, who's this?
"You like it don't you?"
Who is it?
"Admit you like it."
Goddammit. Yeah, it's really good. Who is it?
"It's Bruce Springsteen, idiot."
DAMN IT! I loved hating Bruce Springsteen! Jesus, he calls himself The Boss. I don't want to like someone called The Boss. I don't like bosses, much less THE boss.

These interactions with Jen reminded me of this time I went to my friend James' apt. and he opened the door very excited.

"Dude, come in. You have to see this porn."
Um, yeah, I don't really want to watch porn with you, man.
"Just check out this woman! You gotta see this woman!" and he's got it all queued up and ready, he starts the skin flick.
Okay, yeah, I admit, she's really hot.
"Yeah?"
Yeah.
"Are you sexually attracted to her?"
What? Yes. Yeah. That's what it means when I say she's hot.
"Yeah, well that's interesting because..." and her shorts come down, and she has a penis.

James is jumping up and down in excitement. "SHE'S GOT A DICK DUDE! SHE'S GOT A DICK!"
Yeah, James. You really got me. Boy, I didn't know I liked dick so much.

Honestly I was glad it was just that she had a dick. I would have really been f'd up if she'd pulled out a guitar, and started playing Born In The USA. "SHE'S BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, DUDE! SHE'S THE BOSS!"