Thursday, July 30, 2009
When I was a kid I got put in the GATE program, for smart kids. Which meant taking the bus to a different school. It was a short bus.
That school had classes for mentally retarded kids too. They rode the same short bus I did.
My brothers told me I was retarded. They told me all those other kids on the bus were told they were smart too. I asked the other kids. My brothers were right. This messed with my head something awful!!
If the retarded kids didn't know they were retarded how could I know that I wasn't retarded?
Eventually I got to be friends with the other kids on the short bus and we had a great time. They were pretty clear that while they liked me, I was different. I figured they'd know better than I.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
And my friend Scott has announced his intentions to bootleg the CD, selling his version, edited down to "just the funny bits" with a new cover featuring "less KLJ, more farm animal" for just $2. I hope the "Just the funny bits" doesn't mean he is selling a blank disc, though that would be quite hilarious.
Scott's lovely wife Lori photoshopped up the new cover. I like it.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I feel like I'm the turtle in this race. The hare being these young comics who are better than me at just getting up there and not giving a shit and just cracking up any crowd, any time. Of course the turtle has stamina and keeps going and doesn't burn out but damn, the turtle has to spend a-lot of time with that freakin' rabbit in front of him and it gets pretty damn discouraging.
Ah well. Competition, August 5th, The Purple Onion. Come cheer me on. :D
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
It's actually quite ridiculous the level of talent we're getting in this tiny room but hey, word is getting around to the comics that our audiences are great and we're a good Wednesday night workout room.
Best known for hosting High Times comedy events, Ngaio Bealum is an unusually intelligent stand-up whose gut-busting comedy nevertheless reflects a pot lover's perspective of the world. Also a talented rapper/musician, Ngaio Bealum has appeared on "The Sarah Silverman Program" and in the feature film "Nine Months."
With Host Keith Lowell Jensen
Date: Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Time: 8:00pm - 10:00pm
Location: Luna's Cafe
1414 16th Street
Sacramento, CA 95814
Friday, July 17, 2009
But this wasn't my job it was my career and so I went to two interviews and two gigs despite feeling like death served cold.
But I also got to meet Doug Benson less than 24 hours after I finished watching his movie Super High Me. That was really cool.
And I got to do a set at The Hollywood Improv which is always a treat. I had a great time. One of the other acts was a woman who shook her breasts while yelling "Titties in the house." and she actually went over fairly well so I was worried it wasn't my crowd but I did okay with them. Apparently they like titties AND jokes about my religion.
So we're clear, I don't usually walk into a club show and do all this material about religion. I have a club set and I save all but a little of the atheist bits for The Coexist? Comedy Tour. I was doing this specifically for the cameras.
But, my jokes worked, all accept for the bit about my whole family being Christian, "You could say, there but for the grace of god go I." That got blank stares. No problem, I always have my follow up, "You could say, but you shouldn't, apparently, especially if you're onstage at a comedy club... and you want to get laughs..." nothing "Okay, we'll move on."
That is one of my favorite lines and when it hits it hits hard but it only works about half the time. I think that the phrase "There but for the grace of god go I" is not as common as it once was so younger crowds especially are confused by it.
I'm starting to feel better, thrilled to be home and looking forward to seeing the tape.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Answering The Door Naked
As long as they're offered a reward at the end
Christians want to pray for me.
God Heals Them
The Muslim's SIgning Incentive
Ever Been with a Virgin?
More experience required, not an entry level position
How insecure are you?
Raisins, my favorite dried fruit- pissed of and horny, two scoops
Aren't you afraid?
called tech support
They Know How Dumb We Are.
Wheel of Samsara
SIkhs- They have a message for us
Why I don't pick on The Jews Closer, cut to this joke if time runs short
Anti-Semitic on Accident X-tra material if time left
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Had a nice long walk this morning through downtown after breakfast at the nickel diner. Tomorrow I have two interviews, one with Larry Brand for the documentary and one with some internet news service that I really don't know much a bout.
My allergies are having fun with the catness all about me so the more I find to force me out of the sneezy but air conditioned indoors and out into the less sneezy but very hot outdoors the better. Wow, spell check says sneezy really is a word. Cool.
So last night I did a set at The Hyperion Tavern. Tiny little room and my audience, made up of the filmmakers friends since this was a last minute thing, was mostly catholic ladies of a certain age. Not my ideal demographic but it went fine. The footage should look really neat as it's a bizarre little room.
After the show/taping it was back to Christy and Brett's where I made them watch Katt Williams Live. Damn he is funny. I think Katt is one of the best comics working today and if you're not familiar I suggest checkin' him out right away. Well, I got snifflin', and sneezing to get back to.
For future trips I will have a flip camera, which I'm buying any day now, since the two hour model is out, and I will better document the adventure. :D
Monday, July 13, 2009
I think what we need to do is to put "Just Kidding after every post. That'll work. But you, my real friends all know that when I say Just Kidding I mean, NO, FOR REAL!
Did I mention WHERE I found this group? On Facebook of course. Man, this stuff writes itself.
Good stuff. Click on the picture to see the larger version.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Featuring a clip of I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy starring Miles Miniacci, Sid Garcia Heberger and Ben "The Pony" Miller.
You can buy I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy's CD "Funnier Than God", which features Keith Lowell Jensen as both an actor and sketch writer, here:
ICBINC Funnier Than God
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Watch this clip of Winfield on Comics Without Borders, see a pro...
They also get to be seated first and here is where the problems start. I have to get on after them. I don't mind this, it's only fair. I'm poor I belong in the back of the bus, er, I mean plane. The problem is that I have to walk through their nice 1st class section to get to my ghetto. They paid all that money NOT to have to deal with the likes of me, and then they are made to suffer the indignity of me and my poor friends walking THROUGH their section with our back packs and bad teeth. The tension is palpable.
It didn't used to be this way. When commercial flight started it was all first class. We poor people stayed on the ground where we belong and rich people partied in the sky above the clouds with hot stewardesses in skimpy outfits and good looking young pilots. Oh whoa is me. I was born in the wrong social class AND in the wrong time.
I mean these days, why would I even bother to work hard to be rich? So I can have a bunch of commoners parading through my SECTION of the airplane? I don't think so. No, sorry, being rich these days just isn't worth it. And that, my friends, is why I'm blogging instead of working hard right now.
I'm also working on a radio story with Roman Mars for a project he's doing looking at "Snap Judgments." More on that later. Lots happening.
Tonight we have Mike E. Winfield here in Sacramento at Luna's, 1414 16th Street.
Monday, July 6, 2009
While perusing their gift shop I spotted some super realistic looking cats, like too realistic looking. "Is this some kind of cat taxidermy?" I thought. I picked one up and saw the quality assurance. This cat was made with 100% real genuine rabbit fur!
Some things are so weird the weirdness can't hit you all at once. I was halfway back to Sacramento when it occurred to me how very bizarre it is to make cats out of rabbits. They're killing a live, real animal and reassembling it's carcass to look like another animal. Amazing. They killed rabbits and made cats out of them.
To make one animal out of another is indeed the height of human ingenuity. Do me a favor though. If you see the flying saucers landing, if the aliens are invading, HIDE THE CATS MADE OF RABBITS! If an advanced civilization is assessing our value and potential I think it will be tough to explain Auschwitz, Hiroshima and the Trail of Tears but I think they will understand tribalism and warfare. I'm pretty sure cats made of rabbits will label us suitable only for soup-stock.
(For more awful things see www.TrulyAwfulStuff.com)
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
And there is positive discourse too but I get distracted from it by the dumb stuff. That should change.
Ah well. Tonight should be a fun night. I've got some great comics lined up for Comedy Night at Luna's.
The CD project is moving along. We did a photo shoot yesterday to get a pic for the inside of the CD jacket and I think we got some great photos for promotional stuff as well. Can't wait to see the pics. Thanks for sharing your opinions no the covers (see last post.) People are pretty divided, which to me says that both covers look pretty great. Irina is a wonderful designer and Kiny is one bad ass photographer.